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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH here?

103 replies

Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 09:05

DH wfh three days a week, office for two. I’m on maternity leave from next week. I was really looking forward to the three weeks or so before the baby is due, as since lockdown I can count the times I’ve been alone at home on one hand.

He has now announced he can stay home until my due date 😭

AIBU to try to encourage him back to the office?

OP posts:
Itsanotherhreatday · 30/05/2023 09:07

Just be upfront and say no - I don’t want to be running round making you lunch listening to you on the phone -

Lcb123 · 30/05/2023 09:08

I’m sure it’s coming from a good place, wanting to be around for you. Just tell him you want some alone time before baby but you appreciate he’s being thoughtful which I think he is.

HoIIy · 30/05/2023 09:12

I'd be made up if my DH done this in these circumstances, it shows he wants to be around you and look out for you. He will still be at work for 2 of the days a week.

Itsanotherhreatday · 30/05/2023 09:13

He will still be at work for 2 of the days a week

No he won’t

gamerchick · 30/05/2023 09:15

Have you tried just telling him you want the house to yourself to nest before the baby comes?

I'd make no bones about it me.

OdeToBarney · 30/05/2023 09:15

No, I don't think you are BU. Once the baby is here you're never alone, make the most of it while you can! I was alone for the first time in 14 months the other day and it was bloody brilliant!!

rainbowstardrops · 30/05/2023 09:17

I think you should just tell him that you need some alone time before the baby arrives. If he's decent then I'm sure he'll understand.

namechange55465 · 30/05/2023 09:20

HoIIy · 30/05/2023 09:12

I'd be made up if my DH done this in these circumstances, it shows he wants to be around you and look out for you. He will still be at work for 2 of the days a week.

No - he usually WFH 3 days a week but he has announced he can WFH full time until OP's due date

Original poster
Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 09:21

Yeeeees … I am not as convinced as others that this is his way of showing his love for me!

To be honest, if he needs to WFH FT for a bit the three weeks after paternity leave would be much more helpful.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 30/05/2023 09:26

Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 09:21

Yeeeees … I am not as convinced as others that this is his way of showing his love for me!

To be honest, if he needs to WFH FT for a bit the three weeks after paternity leave would be much more helpful.

Tell him on negotiable terms that you want to be on your own and INSiST. Your resentment will be huge after these 3 weeks so better to prevent it.

PhoenixArisen · 30/05/2023 10:05

My dh apologised to me for working from home last Friday!
I have Fridays off and I love the day to myself. I get to relax and also be super productive. It's not the same with him around and I've made that clear to him.
Unless you say something, he's not to know what you want.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 30/05/2023 10:07

HoIIy · 30/05/2023 09:12

I'd be made up if my DH done this in these circumstances, it shows he wants to be around you and look out for you. He will still be at work for 2 of the days a week.

Go back and re-read the OP.

AlwaysMissingHome · 30/05/2023 10:13

Can’t you still do the things you want to?

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 30/05/2023 10:37

I guess it depends what he's like when he wfh. If I'm off and DH is wfh, he is in his office, and I barely see him. He doesn't ask for me to not make a noise, he wouldn't care (or comment) if I decided to sleep all day, and he doesn't expect me to make him coffee or lunch. I would get on with my day as if he wasn't there.

But if your DH wfh in the living room and insists on quiet, or will pass comment on how you're choosing to spend you time etc, then yes I can see how that would be very annoying.

Original poster
Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 10:53

AlwaysMissingHome · 30/05/2023 10:13

Can’t you still do the things you want to?

Small things but I can’t listen to the radio or music, I can’t clean the room he works in (and it needs it)

In a way it isn’t a big deal but he’s there and in and out and have I done this, has this been done? Have I seen the tape measure, a pair of shoes, a wallet? We’d better make sure this is done. When it’s the only chance I’ll have in a long time to read, watch crap TV, really relax. So much harder when he is here!

OP posts:
MayJuneJulie · 30/05/2023 11:02

Does he want to be around in case you go in to kabour and he's on hand to drive you to the hospital?
I

MayJuneJulie · 30/05/2023 11:04

Labour 😅

TeaKitten · 30/05/2023 11:05

Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 09:21

Yeeeees … I am not as convinced as others that this is his way of showing his love for me!

To be honest, if he needs to WFH FT for a bit the three weeks after paternity leave would be much more helpful.

So what are his motives if it’s not because he loves you?

MayJuneJulie · 30/05/2023 11:06

I remember being a bit nervous being alone the last few days of pregnancy ( DC all came early and one of them very fast.)

neverenoughchelseaboots · 30/05/2023 11:07

‘DH that’s so nice of you to consider it. However, I know I’ll get zero alone time once the baby is born so I’d really like it if I could have this final opportunity to be in just my own company.

But if you can be flexible on wfh I’d love it if you can do a few extra days after the baby so I can have an adult conversation and some company on your lunch break. ‘

ItsNotRocketSalad · 30/05/2023 11:08

Why on earth are you cleaning at 37ish weeks pregnant?

SkyandSurf · 30/05/2023 11:11

neverenoughchelseaboots · 30/05/2023 11:07

‘DH that’s so nice of you to consider it. However, I know I’ll get zero alone time once the baby is born so I’d really like it if I could have this final opportunity to be in just my own company.

But if you can be flexible on wfh I’d love it if you can do a few extra days after the baby so I can have an adult conversation and some company on your lunch break. ‘

This. perfect.

YANBU OP.

Wanting time alone is reasonable and he should respect that.

TeaKitten · 30/05/2023 11:12

ItsNotRocketSalad · 30/05/2023 11:08

Why on earth are you cleaning at 37ish weeks pregnant?

Why on earth wouldn’t she be able to clean? Have you never heard of nesting? What an unnecessarily judgemental comment.

BreviloquentBastard · 30/05/2023 11:18

What do you think his motivation for staying home is, if you don't believe it's a misguided attempt at support?

Original poster
Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 11:20

There are loads of threads on here about how much better WFH is. More time in bed, less commute time and so on. It is just that these benefit DH, not me!

OP posts:
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