Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH here?

103 replies

Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 09:05

DH wfh three days a week, office for two. I’m on maternity leave from next week. I was really looking forward to the three weeks or so before the baby is due, as since lockdown I can count the times I’ve been alone at home on one hand.

He has now announced he can stay home until my due date 😭

AIBU to try to encourage him back to the office?

OP posts:
Foodie6 · 30/05/2023 11:23

Say to him that you prefer he does it after baby is here as it'll be more useful for him to spend his commuting time and lunches helping out with the baby. See what his reaction is.

piedbeauty · 30/05/2023 11:38

Lcb123 · 30/05/2023 09:08

I’m sure it’s coming from a good place, wanting to be around for you. Just tell him you want some alone time before baby but you appreciate he’s being thoughtful which I think he is.

This!

piedbeauty · 30/05/2023 11:38

Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 09:21

Yeeeees … I am not as convinced as others that this is his way of showing his love for me!

To be honest, if he needs to WFH FT for a bit the three weeks after paternity leave would be much more helpful.

I agree. Tell him this!

elm26 · 30/05/2023 11:43

ItsNotRocketSalad · 30/05/2023 11:08

Why on earth are you cleaning at 37ish weeks pregnant?

Why wouldn't she be? Unless of course she chooses not to/wants to relax/can't because of a health condition.

My DH worked 7 day weeks when I was 37 weeks pregnant, I did the housework.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 30/05/2023 11:43

I get what you mean, I love it when I'm alone at home - I can listen to the music no one else likes, I can watch my crap on TV without being judged, but you share a home and think its a little mean of you to say he can't stay in the house too during the day.

AluckyEllie · 30/05/2023 12:08

Just be blunt. Point out that for the next 6 months you’ll be surgically attached to a baby so you want some complete solitude alone in the house. Or book a hotel!

Creamyoda · 30/05/2023 12:12

Oh I would hate this! Can you diplomatically and sensitively say you'd appreciate a bit of time to yourself?

FictionalCharacter · 30/05/2023 12:17

Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 09:21

Yeeeees … I am not as convinced as others that this is his way of showing his love for me!

To be honest, if he needs to WFH FT for a bit the three weeks after paternity leave would be much more helpful.

Tell him that!
It would drive me nuts if my husband was constantly asking where things are or saying this or that needs doing. Yours will hopefully step up when your baby's born, and won't have time to mooch around looking for tape measures!

ColdHandsHotHead · 30/05/2023 12:19

Tell him you'd rather he spent longer at home after the baby arrives?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/05/2023 12:21

I agree with those saying tell him.

Say you really need a bit of alone time pre baby, but that you’d really appreciate him using the flexibility for after his paternity leave - so that he can help out in the time that would be spent commenting, and during lunch.

Its the obvious answer.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/05/2023 12:22

In fact, can he not go into the office a bit extra now, to get some credit in to use WFH after baby is born?

Avariceagain · 30/05/2023 12:22

Make sure you tell him. My DH hates being alone and always wants company so he sometimes forgets that other people enjoy being alone! I would feel exactly like you do. The only thing is how far away is his office? If it's a long way, it will feel even further if you go into labour and it takes him 2 hours to get home

Sux2buthen · 30/05/2023 12:24

ItsNotRocketSalad · 30/05/2023 11:08

Why on earth are you cleaning at 37ish weeks pregnant?

Why wouldn't you?

Beseen22 · 30/05/2023 12:32

Awkward one because if you tell him he will be hurt. However I love my DH very much and 99% of the time I love him WFH. He keeps himself to himself, texts me if has a meeting so most of the time my music is on very loud, it's our family home and we make a lot of noise and he doesn't care. But I still feel guilty. The day before nightshift I literally do nothing, take the kids to school then lie in bed or couch all day on my phone or watching TV. He would never comment but I feel guilty for being so disgustingly lazy.

Itsanotherhreatday · 30/05/2023 12:36

Awkward one because if you tell him he will be hurt

And? OP also has needs - he’s doesn’t get to trample on here.

FedUpBoiledFrog · 30/05/2023 12:46

Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 10:53

Small things but I can’t listen to the radio or music, I can’t clean the room he works in (and it needs it)

In a way it isn’t a big deal but he’s there and in and out and have I done this, has this been done? Have I seen the tape measure, a pair of shoes, a wallet? We’d better make sure this is done. When it’s the only chance I’ll have in a long time to read, watch crap TV, really relax. So much harder when he is here!

Show quote history

Fuck no. Start putting some boundaries up now otherwise you will be back here in three years complaining of having two toddlers to deal with. A lot of men take the piss when the wife is on maternity leave regarding household tasks too. Start saying no and meaning it right now.

If he insists wfh then hoover every day, music on full blast, and don't make him lunch or coffees. Its a home not an office.

Hairpinleg · 30/05/2023 12:55

Tell him you appreciate the kind offer but it's not necessarily and you'd like him to seize the opportunity to be out of the house while he can as you'll all be cooped up together after the baby is born and he's on paternity leave. Pretend you're thinking of him, not your need to be alone for a bit.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/05/2023 13:07

“Ha ha, no. Go to the office please.

“If you’re here I will disturb you with the tv and radio, and I will be ignoring your passive aggressive ‘has this been done’ comments.

”This is my time to myself to relax before I have a baby, and you will be disturbing me, by being here.”

Nanny0gg · 30/05/2023 13:09

If him being there impacts what you can and can't do, then absolutely tell him you need the house to yourself

LlynTegid · 30/05/2023 13:10

Considerate and reasonable employer, not the kind of attitude of some I have read about.

Agree about trying to get it to be the three weeks after baby is born, hope it all goes well.

Codlingmoths · 30/05/2023 13:11

Absolutely tell him you’ll need him after not now, and it’s very thoughtful of him but he doesn’t realise how hard it is aafter and 3 weeks of him wfh is 3 weeks where you can shower every morning and eat lunch and someone might even make you a cup of tea and he is needed then. You can shower yourself now so please tell work you’ll use it after!!

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/05/2023 13:13

Codlingmoths · 30/05/2023 13:11

Absolutely tell him you’ll need him after not now, and it’s very thoughtful of him but he doesn’t realise how hard it is aafter and 3 weeks of him wfh is 3 weeks where you can shower every morning and eat lunch and someone might even make you a cup of tea and he is needed then. You can shower yourself now so please tell work you’ll use it after!!

What’s thoughtful about him being in the house and then preventing her from listening to the radio or watching tv, and making passive aggressive comments about whether various household tasks have been completed?

Riapia · 30/05/2023 13:15

He has now announced he can stay home until my due date.

Where did he “announce” this.
I can’t find any record of this great announcement on any of the major social media platforms.
😉😁😁

Original poster
Throwingtheremote · 30/05/2023 13:24

Some posters definitely have a more charitable view of his actions than I have!

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 30/05/2023 13:28

I think it sounds quite mean to insist he goes into the office just so you can be on your own unless you live in a studio flat and only have the one room.

Swipe left for the next trending thread