Annoyed about day out?

[QueenDaydreaming]

Bank holiday weekend - as normal I’ve taken DS to sports class Sat am, then arranged lifts with another Mum for birthday party Sun am. Both days I’ve started wfh about 10.30, all day. DP gets up about midday and takes DS out in the afternoons. BH Monday is ‘family’ day out!

I tell DP on Sunday evening that I will need to work at 5pm on Monday. There are two options discussed for family day out, I say I’ll ask DS in the morning - he asks to go fishing. DP has breakfast in bed and researches fishing options. DP gets up around 11.30 (I’ve been cleaning & working) and says we’re going to X. DP gets DS ready, packs bag and off we go. We miss turning to X and stop off at garage where friend works. DP pays for fuel, I pay second for snacks. Friend comments on us going to Z (not even second option)! Yep, back in the car, we drive off and head towards Z - an hour away. Arrive at Z beach - lovely, but no beach stuff packed. DS doesn’t care, happy to be on the beach. DP walks us for half an hour along beach, past everyone playing, DS eventually breaks down, refuses to go any further (DS is 5). DP tells us we’re going for a walk, not sitting on our arses all day. DS is crying so DP says we can stay where we are (the worst bit of beach), he’s going for a walk as planned. DS and I sit and play, DP comes back in better mood, and everyone happy to continue to next bit of beach. Everyone plays happily for 45/60 mins, before we have to leave to walk 30 mins back to car. Walk becomes stressful as DS continues to want to play. Back to car, no time for ice cream. Tea (ie takeaway) is discussed on way home, I remind DP I need to work and phone staff to apologise I’ll be 10 minutes late back. DP strops again that there’s “fresh air for tea again!”. I suggest he drops me off and goes back into town for takeaway. Nope. We all get home, I start work, DP cooks tea for him & DS.

AIBU to feel that our family day was made unnecessarily stressful by DP? He thinks it’s my fault for not arranging cover for my work at 5pm!

Why did you go to Z when you knew you're were on a time restraint? Your ds wanted fishing but then h wanted a walk?

None of it makes any sense.

Poor communication all round.

As “D”H didn’t get up until 11:30 you should have taken DS out alone at a reasonable time.

Next time, set some boundaries. If you’re working at 17:00, then the trip must be planned the night before, to start at a reasonable time (09:30-10:00 perhaps). Then, if he isn’t up in time go and have a lovely day out without him.

Hopefully next time, he’ll know you mean business and won’t deliberately mess you about. It sounds to me like he might have deliberately sabotaged you as he disapproved of your decision to work.

I feel sorry for your poor child in all this. It seems to be all about you and your partner. Your child was promised one thing. Plans were changed even though he didn’t have the appropriate beach things and then he wasn’t even allowed to enjoy playing. Your husband changed the plans but why didn’t you speak up and say it wasn’t convenient.

DP is a self centred arse is he not?

Why did you even agree to Z when your ds said he wanted to do something else entirely?

You both sound as bad as each other, you for allowing it and your dp for putting his needs above everyone else's.

He sure sounds like one. And why is he having breakfast in bed and staying in bed until 11.30 when you're meant to be having a family day out?

I think it was more a case of getting on with the day and make the best of it! Another discussion about where to go would have resulted in less time out.

DP doesn’t do mornings! I don’t think we’ve ever left the house before midday for a ‘day out’.

I feel sorry for your son in all of this - I think both you and DP have behaved poorly, but more DP than you.

What's he doing laying in bed until midday when you're supposed to be on a day out?

Point taken. Again, just a case of making the best of it.

A lot of us would rather not do mornings! But we do do mornings because we have small children and jobs etc. Unless there is some sort of medical need he'll just have to lump it as part of parenting.

It sounds like you’re not on the same team or communicating properly - you need to be more assertive and not just go along with things for a quiet life op

He sounds very selfish though

Couldn’t be with a selfish weirdo like that. Why do women do it?

so essentially it’s always his way and his choices and he does what he wants, sod everyone else….. divorce?

You’ve both done a shitty job for your child here. Poor kid. Why even bother planning a big day out when you are working both morning and evening? Why sit on a shit bit of the beach because your DH said so? You no DH doesn’t go out before lunch so why did either of you pick such a long drive… do big days out on your day off. DH sounds like an idiot but neither of you attempted to make this day better for your son.

how does he work if he doesn’t do mornings. You don’t have family days out you have afternoons

why ask DS what he wanted if you don’t do that and do something completely different. Normal reaction to missed turning is to go back and take it. Not decide to travel an hour somewhere else

Wtf is the 'fresh air for tea" about? Why were you expected to produce dinner?

My husband also "doesn't do morning's", but when we arrange a day out he sets an alarm. He's grumpy in the morning so the compromise is that I sort me and the kids and he sorts himself and by the time we all get to the car he's awake enough to be a normal human being!

The other side of that is that I don't do late nights very well so he wakes up with kids or settles them if they aren't falling asleep so I can go to bed. Or of we have forgotten to sort online shopping and need stuff for a trip out he will be in Asda at 11pm/midnight when I'm asleep.

You need to tell him what time you're leaving and stick to it......don't let your son miss out because you're desperately trying to cultivate some perceived "normal" family time. Let your partner miss out!!

Let me guess, he’s up all night gaming instead?

Who in hell regularly stays in bed until midday with a 5 yr old?

Maybe you’d be better off without him ruining everyone’s day

What a selfish man. You must be exhausted - you had no down time at all over the weekend. He lazed about and dominated decisions.

That was my exact first thought too!

Feel very sorry for your ds. A bit of forward planning/communication would solve most of this if there were 2 adults.

Would the world have fallen apart if your work call hadn't happened? (Assuming overseas call where there wasn't a bank holiday) It's ok to take a full day off.

Your DP sounds pretty self-centered, the lazing in bed all morning when everyone else is up and and about is V. poor unless he works nights or something most of the week. The way you describe him deciding what you're all going to do and the lack of responsiveness to what your DS might want is high handed and kind of nasty.

But I also have a bit of sympathy for him being annoyed you took on work with next to no notice on a day you have a family outing planned. Does it happen often? Was it totally unavoidable? Do you just not like saying no? Something in between?