Annoyed about day out?

[QueenDaydreaming]

Bank holiday weekend - as normal I’ve taken DS to sports class Sat am, then arranged lifts with another Mum for birthday party Sun am. Both days I’ve started wfh about 10.30, all day. DP gets up about midday and takes DS out in the afternoons. BH Monday is ‘family’ day out!

I tell DP on Sunday evening that I will need to work at 5pm on Monday. There are two options discussed for family day out, I say I’ll ask DS in the morning - he asks to go fishing. DP has breakfast in bed and researches fishing options. DP gets up around 11.30 (I’ve been cleaning & working) and says we’re going to X. DP gets DS ready, packs bag and off we go. We miss turning to X and stop off at garage where friend works. DP pays for fuel, I pay second for snacks. Friend comments on us going to Z (not even second option)! Yep, back in the car, we drive off and head towards Z - an hour away. Arrive at Z beach - lovely, but no beach stuff packed. DS doesn’t care, happy to be on the beach. DP walks us for half an hour along beach, past everyone playing, DS eventually breaks down, refuses to go any further (DS is 5). DP tells us we’re going for a walk, not sitting on our arses all day. DS is crying so DP says we can stay where we are (the worst bit of beach), he’s going for a walk as planned. DS and I sit and play, DP comes back in better mood, and everyone happy to continue to next bit of beach. Everyone plays happily for 45/60 mins, before we have to leave to walk 30 mins back to car. Walk becomes stressful as DS continues to want to play. Back to car, no time for ice cream. Tea (ie takeaway) is discussed on way home, I remind DP I need to work and phone staff to apologise I’ll be 10 minutes late back. DP strops again that there’s “fresh air for tea again!”. I suggest he drops me off and goes back into town for takeaway. Nope. We all get home, I start work, DP cooks tea for him & DS.

AIBU to feel that our family day was made unnecessarily stressful by DP? He thinks it’s my fault for not arranging cover for my work at 5pm!

So you never have a day out you have a few hours. Couldn't you have arranged cover as you had worked 2 days of the bank holiday already then got up and taken him out regardless of lazy dad?
Plan the day before hand .....dad obviously had his own plan.....

It sounds like you’re used to walking on eggshells for an easy life to appease your bossy DP. Lying in ‘till midday every weekend rather than taking turns for a lie in, is a cop out when you have young children to take care of.

Now you have a child together you have to step up and stop letting your DP call the shots.

Any normal parent understands that a 5 yr old wants to play on a beach, digging sand, playing in the sea, looking for crabs etc., not going for a long beach walks past other families having fun. That’s something that only grown ups tend to enjoy.

Is this really what you want your family life to look like for the next 15+ years?

The OP was very clear saying that she needed to be back home from whatever they were doing so that she could work from home from 5pm. That's pretty clear.

Her DH was faffing about (didn't even get up until 11am) before that.

I think you need to turn the tables on your DH @QueenDaydreaming on a day when he needs to be somewhere at a certain time and he is waylaid as a result. Perhaps then he might understand your predicament

What a rubbish time for your five year old.

All morning, has to amuse himself while mum works and dad sleeps. Then in the car for over two hours for 45 minutes playing on a beach.

I hope the rest of his half term is better. Sounds like both parents need to step up and be more organised, though your DP is a rude arse.

What exactly is the fucking point of your partner? Jesus.

Op, your DH sounds like mine! It makes it very difficult because to stick to your guns and insist on the plan, would mean, in my case anyway, that somehow I’d be in the wrong and feel embarrassed in front of DS.
id often get the kids in the car and he’d suddenly want to come..but say,’oh I don’t want to go there’,’well where do you want to go?’’ I don’t know, but not there’
i never have worked out how to handle this!

This is exactly what I was going to say

Your DP should’ve just taken ds so you had a rest and he could stay out later.
if he’s an insomniac has he sought help?

If this is the case, then you really need to know the night before where you are going and stick to it. You could have done Z another day when prepared, and you're not working at 5.

DH needs to learn to stick to his promises as the 5 year old isn't going to take well to a walk along the beech when he has not bought into it.

You tell him to fuck off back out of the car. He can’t decide to come at the last moment and then completely monopolise and change the plans you have made with your children. Surely you don’t let him do that?

This! ⬆️ Your husband was a 1st class selfish dickhead but you enabled/gave in to it all. Both of you gave your poor son a crappy day.

That’s what I thought! Next time just go with your son and have a lovely child-appropriate day out with sir dickhead.

Also feed yourselves while out or feed yourselves only - then he will really know what “fresh air for tea” looks like! Cheeky bastard. Has he no hands?

@QueenDaydreaming are you scared of him?

*without Sir Dickhead

How ridiculous. Make a plan and stick to it. None of your or your DP's reasons for changing the plan sound reasonable. He sounds like a selfish, possibly controlling arse who has to get his own way.

I don’t really know what I’ve just read

It all sounds incredibly depressing.

I don't think waking up a sensible time even if.youve slept badly for a family day out is a big deal. Your kid could have had a full lovely day out with family rather than an hour surrounded each wide by stress. You need to talk to each other and sort your priorities.

What time does your DH have to get up for work?

That's not a day out, it's only an afternoon out. I couldn't be with someone who cared so little about me and my family they couldn't get themselves out of bed before 11.30.

He doesn't sleep well...because he stays in bed all morning.

He has a 5 year old child, he needs to get the fuck up and behave like an adult.

Tell your dh you're leaving the house at 10.30 and leave at 10.30 with or without him.

"DP doesn’t do mornings! I don’t think we’ve ever left the house before midday for a ‘day out’."

How convenient. I don't sleep well either but I still get up and parent my kids. He's a lazy fucker

Given the work committment, I would have had a strict get up time and leave by 10:00 am. program happening.
You and son could have sorted picnic and everything and been beeping in the car.
You should show DP how to manage by example and then, next time, dictate to him to pack a picnic etc get son ready and sorted fready to leave by XX oclock. Require a lot more from him.
The loser was your little boy.

Agree! Sound weird tbh

Well he needs to start. He's ruining your child's one shot at childhood.