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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed about day out?

119 replies

QueenDaydreaming · 29/05/2023 23:26

Bank holiday weekend - as normal I’ve taken DS to sports class Sat am, then arranged lifts with another Mum for birthday party Sun am. Both days I’ve started wfh about 10.30, all day. DP gets up about midday and takes DS out in the afternoons. BH Monday is ‘family’ day out!

I tell DP on Sunday evening that I will need to work at 5pm on Monday. There are two options discussed for family day out, I say I’ll ask DS in the morning - he asks to go fishing. DP has breakfast in bed and researches fishing options. DP gets up around 11.30 (I’ve been cleaning & working) and says we’re going to X. DP gets DS ready, packs bag and off we go. We miss turning to X and stop off at garage where friend works. DP pays for fuel, I pay second for snacks. Friend comments on us going to Z (not even second option)! Yep, back in the car, we drive off and head towards Z - an hour away. Arrive at Z beach - lovely, but no beach stuff packed. DS doesn’t care, happy to be on the beach. DP walks us for half an hour along beach, past everyone playing, DS eventually breaks down, refuses to go any further (DS is 5). DP tells us we’re going for a walk, not sitting on our arses all day. DS is crying so DP says we can stay where we are (the worst bit of beach), he’s going for a walk as planned. DS and I sit and play, DP comes back in better mood, and everyone happy to continue to next bit of beach. Everyone plays happily for 45/60 mins, before we have to leave to walk 30 mins back to car. Walk becomes stressful as DS continues to want to play. Back to car, no time for ice cream. Tea (ie takeaway) is discussed on way home, I remind DP I need to work and phone staff to apologise I’ll be 10 minutes late back. DP strops again that there’s “fresh air for tea again!”. I suggest he drops me off and goes back into town for takeaway. Nope. We all get home, I start work, DP cooks tea for him & DS.

AIBU to feel that our family day was made unnecessarily stressful by DP? He thinks it’s my fault for not arranging cover for my work at 5pm!

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 30/05/2023 07:20

QueenDaydreaming · 30/05/2023 06:39

DP doesn’t do mornings! I don’t think we’ve ever left the house before midday for a ‘day out’.

Show quote history

Then you can’t do days out with him; it’s afternoons out, and you can’t do an afternoon out with him when you have work at 5pm.

The best you can do is a few hours somewhere.

Or you can expect him to behave like an adult…

Fillyfrog · 30/05/2023 07:24

Sounds like the worst planned out day ever. You didn't know where you were going, DH didn't get up til half 11 even though you had to work at 5 (that in itself is crazy considering it's bank holiday, I'm surprised you even got any parking spaces wherever you went) and then DH was an arse. Such a shame on your little one, it doesn't sound fun.

We went to the beach, packed the car the night before and made a picnic before bed, and set off at 9.30. No I didn't feel like doing it before bed, and I was a bit tired in the morning. But it was an absolutely gorgeous day and we all enjoyed it. Sounds like you need a bit more planning next time (and a DH that doesnt stay in bed til lunchtime)

Ragwort · 30/05/2023 07:26

Apart from gaming all night I think one of the most unattractive traits in any adult is someone who 'doesn't do mornings' Hmm.

If it was me in that situation I would just plan a day out with my DS on my own ... trying to inflict 'family time' on someone who is clearly not interested is just a waste of everyone's time.

And for goodness sake do not even consider having another child with this man.

FernGully43 · 30/05/2023 07:27

Wow. Your husband is a treat. Mine also doesn't like mornings but he is up early every one cause he has two small children ...
Your ds didn't even get to fish? And that's what he picked. Sad honestly

Aprilx · 30/05/2023 07:32

QueenDaydreaming · 30/05/2023 06:39

DP doesn’t do mornings! I don’t think we’ve ever left the house before midday for a ‘day out’.

Show quote history

Well if he doesn’t surface before midday and you need to be back to work at 5pm, it was never going to be much of a family day out anyway. I feel sorry for your child, you ask him what he wants to do then completely ignore him anyway and you do have a voice here.

As for people saying parents need to do mornings, well we are not parents and I also would not tolerate my husband lazing around in bed until midday, we only have weekends to do things and adults do not need to lie in bed all morning.

Lkgcsr · 30/05/2023 07:32

We’d all like to stay in bed all morning but it’s not fair on the rest of you and he needs to grow up. H knew you needed to work but wasn’t interested in putting himself out. He sounds like he doesn’t really understand how kids function and that as an adult you don’t get to always put yourself first.

Xrays · 30/05/2023 07:34

Feel really sorry for your Ds here. Your dh is an arsehole. Who doesn’t get up till 11.30 with a small child??! (Okay as one off but not as a rule)! Really, really selfish.

Feelinglow27 · 30/05/2023 07:36

Urgh your OH sounds disgusting

Suprima · 30/05/2023 07:36

QueenDaydreaming · 30/05/2023 06:39

DP doesn’t do mornings! I don’t think we’ve ever left the house before midday for a ‘day out’.

Show quote history

tbh this would have been an instant ‘no thanks’ at the dating stage. Not particularly dynamic, and extremely selfish.

I have had illnesses that have made it difficult to get up in the morning over the years- but you force yourself up anyway, because in order to make the most of like, you can’t stay in bed until lunchtime

1AngelicFruitCake · 30/05/2023 07:39

That wasn’t a day out! That was an afternoon as he wanted a lie in and you were working. I think you need to address the lie ins, that a compromise could be you’re out by 11.

I find that planning a day out properly so we all are clear on what we want works best. So agree a definite leaving time, where you’re going, check you’ve got petrol first etc, what you want to do when you get there and what’s for tea. We balance out making it nice for our children with nice treats for us (coffee).

NoBiscuitsLeftInMyTin · 30/05/2023 07:46

Well… you asked DS, he wanted fishing - you decided X which then changed to Z (I cannot understand why). I do think that DH is a lazy git for not getting up earlier but we don’t understand your family dymanics re this. I can just think of DS thinking he’s going fishing and not doing it.

Whatisityoucantface · 30/05/2023 07:52

This is all bonkers! You need to make plans and get organised. I don’t know why you gave DS an option, he’d have been happy with whatever at his age. Also DP might not be a morning person, but once in a while he can make an exception surely for a family day out.

WonderingWanda · 30/05/2023 07:52

Your dp sounds like a twat. Am I right in thinking he changed where you were going while you were on the way there and you found out from someone at the petrol station? Did you not get back in the car and say 'Why are we going there? I thought we were going here and we won't have time?' It sounds like he might be a bit of a bully and you just go along with what he says? This is no way to live op and decent men don't expect this and also don't make nasty comments about dinner not being provided and then cook for themselves and not you. Have a good long thing about whether there are any benefits of being with this man.

GoalShooter · 30/05/2023 07:52

I just don't understand why you went to Z because some random person at the garage mentioned it?

TellKingTutIWantMyMummy · 30/05/2023 07:54

QueenDaydreaming · 30/05/2023 06:39

DP doesn’t do mornings! I don’t think we’ve ever left the house before midday for a ‘day out’.

Show quote history

Does he work?! Presumably he can get out of bed then!

Guavafish1 · 30/05/2023 07:56

It's cruel he didn't make you dinner

dishyrishi · 30/05/2023 07:57

This is it, it does feel intense, not very relaxing either.

It's nice to see family, but I'm
Not one of those people who can do it all day every day.

Original poster
QueenDaydreaming · 30/05/2023 08:00

I did get an explanation late last night after posting on MN. DP had bought a fishing licence, checked online for the site he knew well to find there’d been changes that he felt wouldn’t make it suitable. Didn’t want to take a 5yo to lakes he didn’t know for safety reasons. So when we were going to X it wasn’t even for fishing! I didn’t realise this, but I didn’t ask either.

DP doesn’t game, he doesn’t sleep well. I’m a heavy sleeper - he could be awake all night and I wouldn’t know. Over time it’s just been accepted I won’t wake him as I don’t know whether he’s slept well. Therefore plans are rarely made the day before unless going on holiday or paid for booking.

DS seems happy about his day out yesterday, and will be doing some nice things during half term, just with me, while DP works.

OP posts:
nidgey · 30/05/2023 08:00

For a proper day out, if you've to be back by 5 then your DP needs to be up and ready to go far earlier

CheeseTouch · 30/05/2023 08:01

nidgey · 30/05/2023 08:00

For a proper day out, if you've to be back by 5 then your DP needs to be up and ready to go far earlier

This. He gets up or you go alone with your son. It isn’t fair that he misses out.

TheUsualChaos · 30/05/2023 08:03

Your DH sounds very selfish. Feel for your DS, we don't get many days of lovely weather when all the family are off together in this country. Perfect opportunity to have a day out as a family. Not even being out of bed until nearly midday is teenager behaviour unless he has a reasonable excuse. Assume DS had been up for hours by that point so he was quite happy for you to do everything while he lazed in bed.

Irritateandunreasonable · 30/05/2023 08:05

Everyone is calling him selfish but he sounds like the main carer to a small child. Is this right? Does he always act like this or is he just burnt out? Do you work a lot during the week as well?

happylittletree · 30/05/2023 08:09

How surprising was it that you suddenly had to work at 5pm? Do you have form for changing personal plans last minute for work?

Aprilx · 30/05/2023 08:10

QueenDaydreaming · 30/05/2023 08:00

I did get an explanation late last night after posting on MN. DP had bought a fishing licence, checked online for the site he knew well to find there’d been changes that he felt wouldn’t make it suitable. Didn’t want to take a 5yo to lakes he didn’t know for safety reasons. So when we were going to X it wasn’t even for fishing! I didn’t realise this, but I didn’t ask either.

DP doesn’t game, he doesn’t sleep well. I’m a heavy sleeper - he could be awake all night and I wouldn’t know. Over time it’s just been accepted I won’t wake him as I don’t know whether he’s slept well. Therefore plans are rarely made the day before unless going on holiday or paid for booking.

DS seems happy about his day out yesterday, and will be doing some nice things during half term, just with me, while DP works.

I am a huge insomniac, I barely sleep for more than an hour at a time, am frequently up in the early hours. I still don’t waste my life lying around in bed until midday at the weekends. It doesn’t even make any sense anyway, I can’t sleep, so why would I lie around in bed.

junebirthdaygirl · 30/05/2023 08:18

Maybe your dh would sleep better if he got up at a normal time every day so his sleep cycle is more regular.
I couldn't imagine a dad in the 70s/ 80s staying in bed until midday. It's just not on with a family unless he is on shift.