Annoyed about day out?

[QueenDaydreaming]

Bank holiday weekend - as normal I’ve taken DS to sports class Sat am, then arranged lifts with another Mum for birthday party Sun am. Both days I’ve started wfh about 10.30, all day. DP gets up about midday and takes DS out in the afternoons. BH Monday is ‘family’ day out!

I tell DP on Sunday evening that I will need to work at 5pm on Monday. There are two options discussed for family day out, I say I’ll ask DS in the morning - he asks to go fishing. DP has breakfast in bed and researches fishing options. DP gets up around 11.30 (I’ve been cleaning & working) and says we’re going to X. DP gets DS ready, packs bag and off we go. We miss turning to X and stop off at garage where friend works. DP pays for fuel, I pay second for snacks. Friend comments on us going to Z (not even second option)! Yep, back in the car, we drive off and head towards Z - an hour away. Arrive at Z beach - lovely, but no beach stuff packed. DS doesn’t care, happy to be on the beach. DP walks us for half an hour along beach, past everyone playing, DS eventually breaks down, refuses to go any further (DS is 5). DP tells us we’re going for a walk, not sitting on our arses all day. DS is crying so DP says we can stay where we are (the worst bit of beach), he’s going for a walk as planned. DS and I sit and play, DP comes back in better mood, and everyone happy to continue to next bit of beach. Everyone plays happily for 45/60 mins, before we have to leave to walk 30 mins back to car. Walk becomes stressful as DS continues to want to play. Back to car, no time for ice cream. Tea (ie takeaway) is discussed on way home, I remind DP I need to work and phone staff to apologise I’ll be 10 minutes late back. DP strops again that there’s “fresh air for tea again!”. I suggest he drops me off and goes back into town for takeaway. Nope. We all get home, I start work, DP cooks tea for him & DS.

AIBU to feel that our family day was made unnecessarily stressful by DP? He thinks it’s my fault for not arranging cover for my work at 5pm!

This is the memories your child is going to carry for life. He needs to stop being such a grumpy arse.

To me it doesn't look like he does. It looks like he's a pampered loser. Breakfast in bed/up at midday/has a strop and doesn't make tea for his wife when she's working.

Poor kid having to put up with that shit.

I wouldn't be waiting on him for days out anymore me. He sounds like a stroppy dick going on the OPs posts alone.

He does sound like a bully. Is it always dh’s way, or no way?

Sorry your family day out didn't work out the way you all wanted, OP.

I figure there are two different ways of planning trips (or anything really). There's the careful planning mode, and the let's go out with a few vague ideas and see how we feel on the day mode. And this is just going to be one of those learning experiences that even if highly planned days out are not really your family thing, it's sometimes worth doing it.

Also - if your DP had communicated his concerns about the fishing, you could have all sat down and thought about an alternative. Also, if you know he sleeps in till noon, you could have gone out with DS in the morning.

But hey, we live and learn.

Please tell me this awful fucker works, OP….

I'm surprised you've lasted until your child is 5YO with an arsewipe that won't get up til midday tbh. It isn't an option with young kids. It's so utterly selfish even when you don't have work later that day. I'd set very clear boundaries that especially on days out he is ready to leave the house at 9, that if he isn't you go on the planned trip without him and that if this happens persisrently you'll have to seriously question what you are getting out of being together. He's your husband not your teenage son

It's a shame your 'day' out wasn't quite what you hoped for but why on earth are you just going along with whatever your partner dictates?! Are you scared of him?

All this breakfast in bed and allowing him to waste a whole morning in bed and not questioning his choices and behaviour, is just ridiculous!

I don't imagine for a second that he accidentally missed the turning to the fishing but why didn't he tell you the concerns he had? I'll hazard a guess that he didn't fancy fishing but wanted a bloody hike on the beach instead, especially as the friend at the garage mentioned it. How did they know and you didn't?

He's a selfish arse but you enabled it. You should have spoken up, not just gone along with it all. Your poor son having to trudge along a beach instead of playing just because your partner wanted to! He's a prick.

OP- sounds stressful for all of you to be honest.

some questions:

who made breakfast for DP in bed, and why? Why is he not capable of coming down just 1 hour earlier to have breakfast and help get ready?

Why did you not say anything when DP came back from the garage and said you were now going to the beach? That was not the plan- why didn’t you question it? Did he not discuss the change with you?

Why when walking along the beach and you saw your DS getting fed up didn’t you say ok we are going to stop here and rest so DS can play. Why just trudge on for 30 mins without saying anything?

What happens when DP got back from his ‘walk?’ Were you upset with him? Did you confront him about how that has made you feel? If so, did he care about how you felt?

When he had a go about no tea why do you let him talk to you like that? He should be supporting you by offering to make tea and asking what you would like!?

Honetly OP if it’s as bad as you are saying then I can’t understand why you are with this person or had a child with him. Has he always treated you like this- storming off in strops and speaking to you so uncaring / rudely?

Your partner is lazy and selfish,and making tea just for him and your son whilst you graft,childish .

Sorry - but there really is shit going on here. Although DH sounds like a knob this is stuff here that DS will remember for the rest of his life. Although this isn’t your fault you are enabling it. Sorry

I’m not a confrontational person. I’d rather gloss over it with DS, jolly everyone along. I think that’s better than arguing in front of DS?

I agree completely, but the way it looks is that DS was asked what he would like to do, and then DS suggested something, it was intimated it would happen, and then it didn’t.

@QueenDaydreaming. Does your partner work?

So DP does work Mon-Fri. DS gets up at 6am, I get up with him. I take DP coffee & breakfast around 6.45 to wake him up, he leaves for work around 7.30, back between 3.30 & 5 depending on work. He has very set routines, I’ve mostly given up trying to alter them, but still find them frustrating at times, particularly if I’m under stress. I do the main child care, school runs, after school activities and so on. DP takes DS out on a weekend if I’m working, or DS goes to visit friends/family.

Poor little boy. Your DH sounds like a selfish twat. You heed to stick up for yourself and your ds a bit more.

Yes, that’s what happened. I won’t ask DS next time unless it’s just me 😕

I’ve just looked at your other thread. You run a pub single-handedly. He works elsewhere 9-5. He refuses to do anything in the home. Going back to my first post on the thread, what the actual fuck is the point of this horrible, horrible, lazy man?

And stop pandering to him. Stop making him breakfast in bed. Absolutely ridiculous.

Sorry, he leaves at 7:30 and is home by 3, at which point he has a coffee and a fag and dozes on the sofa. 😫

Why do you facilitate him what does he do for you.....you take him coffee and breakfast in bed to wake him up bloody hell what an entitled arse....then he leaves for work at a perfectly normal time like millions of others but only works a short day....home by 5 what a joke....then what does he cook, clean etc or is he so worn out?

Yeah…. Oh goodness, stop joining the dots together 🤦‍♀️ you just get used to things don’t you

It’s not be a door mat or argue in front of your DS, it’s in the middle… deal with your shitty marriage and then raise your son to no how to be a decent man. Otherwise you are raising him to either be a door mat who glosses over being treated like shit, or to be an arsehole like his dad. You need to wake up to how shit your DH is and deal with it to do better for you and for your son.

YANBU you told him you need to work at 5pm. He knew that, he could have planned around that and communicated with you about the plans and dinner.

Could you have a chat with him about communicating and suggest you both talk about plans etc the day/week before?

OP, he doesn’t just being fuck all to the table, he’s actually ruining things for your son. This ‘day out’ was absolutely awful. It sounded completely duff, was ridden roughshod over by this man, you don’t say anything because you don’t want any confrontation with him, and your poor son is the one bearing the brunt of it all.

Couple that with his absolute failure to do anything for your child or the home or even himself (!), and I think your life would be physically unchanged but psychologically improved if you told the horrible twat to leave.

What time do you finish at the pub? Late, I’m guessing? And you’re still the one who has to get up in the morning. It’s just an absolute joke.

I didn't ask this to be confrontational. I think that the response might be relevant. Having been married to someone who constantly would put their last minute work (that they were basically choosing to do) first, I know that this can be very frustrating for the partner with more set hours.

From your story, it sounds like you were both disorganised and your partner was a knob for sleeping in so late - but I think more context is helpful for understanding the situation.