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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

1000 replies

Safarigiraffe · 29/05/2023 23:07

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

OP posts:
mfbx5sf3 · 30/05/2023 08:02

Yeh it’s totally rude to walk out mid wedding meal because you want to go home. You absolutely don’t NEED to get home for 8 to get up at 6.30 for work- she did it because she wanted to. If you agree to go to a wedding you acknowledge that the bride and groom have paid for that meal for you- you then make the effort to stay for it. Even if it’s home a bit later than you fancied.

Knotted1 · 30/05/2023 08:03

I think she was rude tbh, 8pm is not that late (unless there is a huge drip feed coming about why she needs so much sleep). When I was young and got up early for work I used to roll in about 4am on occasion and it didn’t do me any harm!

The bulk of the cost of having a wedding guest is in their meal which is why I would be annoyed if I were the bride and groom. I think she should have stayed for the meal then left afterwards, it can’t have been more than an extra hour she needed to stay?

BatsHaveButtcheeks · 30/05/2023 08:03

Trying to understand how the MIL is being blamed for creating a scene, but your daughter literally got up after the starters, went up to the B&G when they were sat at the head table to say goodbye - presumably gave them a hug? What else could they have done, that wouldn't have caused even more of a scene? Say no, that's not acceptable, sit down and eat your dinner? Or be gracious, smile and nod and say they understood?

Then what, the daughter got all her stuff, said goodbye to OP, then her Dad/OP husband also got up to walk outside to the carpark?

Was she complaining about the food being late prior to this? Complaining how she needed to be up early? Everyone in that venue, would have been able to see this, including MIL, who probably had no idea why her grandchild was leaving in the middle of the food, and came out to find out why she was being so rude and walking out? And your making a post on mumsnet about the MIL behaviour?

You are CFs.

Bedtimemode · 30/05/2023 08:03

For a wedding I'd have just sucked it up and been tired the next day. One day at work tired isn't a big deal. I assume she doesn't have kids 😂

THisbackwithavengeance · 30/05/2023 08:04

FrenchandSaunders · 30/05/2023 08:02

Does anyone remember going straight to work after a night out …. those were the days 🤣. Couldn’t do it now 😳

I know! What's wrong with the youth of today? No stamina.

WheresSpring · 30/05/2023 08:05

I’m afraid I also agree that dd was rude. Unless she has additional medical or mental health needs she absolutely did not need to leave so early. Invitation should have been declined in the first place, or accepted on ceremony only basis.

MrsPerfect12 · 30/05/2023 08:05

Your DD was rude, 10pm or straight after the meal would have been early enough. Hardly a big deal if she got home at midnight for a 0630 start.

IncomingTraffic · 30/05/2023 08:07

BatsHaveButtcheeks · 30/05/2023 08:03

Trying to understand how the MIL is being blamed for creating a scene, but your daughter literally got up after the starters, went up to the B&G when they were sat at the head table to say goodbye - presumably gave them a hug? What else could they have done, that wouldn't have caused even more of a scene? Say no, that's not acceptable, sit down and eat your dinner? Or be gracious, smile and nod and say they understood?

Then what, the daughter got all her stuff, said goodbye to OP, then her Dad/OP husband also got up to walk outside to the carpark?

Was she complaining about the food being late prior to this? Complaining how she needed to be up early? Everyone in that venue, would have been able to see this, including MIL, who probably had no idea why her grandchild was leaving in the middle of the food, and came out to find out why she was being so rude and walking out? And your making a post on mumsnet about the MIL behaviour?

You are CFs.

Yes. It sounds like any scene was created by a young adult deciding to leave in the middle of the meal.

She actually interrupted the bride and groom’s meal to tell them she was leaving (probably unexpectedly for them). Weird behaviour.

But the OP has clearly raised her this way, or she wouldn’t be writing a thread about how awful her ILs are based on it.

rwalker · 30/05/2023 08:07

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 30/05/2023 07:37

Of course she wasn’t unreasonable.

She attended the actual marriage ceremony and presumably that’s the important part of a wedding?

If she’s like me, I would happily invent any excuse not to hang around annoying people getting slowly legless…

However, the MIL was definitely a rude bitch.

It’s more the fact the bride and groom have paid for at a guess there’s not many wedding meals under £50

MIL called out shitty behaviour nothing rude about that
it’s laughable that OP says B and G ok with it they’d be fuming but it’s there wedding day so just sucked it up knowing they’d pointlessly wasted there money on her

I’d be mortified if my child did this I’d be calling Id be calling it out not defending her

if I were her parent I’d be suggesting that she apologise to them and offer to pay for the food she couldn’t be arsed to wait for

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 30/05/2023 08:08

MIL overreacted but your DD left ridiculously early and it was very rude to leave during the meal. 6.30 is not an especially early start and she should have waited until the pudding had been served and slipped out before the speeches.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/05/2023 08:08

I've only read the first 100 posts but I don't think your daughter did anything terribly bad. The wedding was running 1 hour behind schedule. Had it been running on time, she would have eaten and the wedding would have been on the dances/disco by that stage and your daughter could have slipped out unnoticed.
I'm guessing here but if it was running that late, did it start off that late? Did the bride arrive at the church on time? If not, point dear MiL towards the bride showing up late as the reason why it was so obvious when your daughter left the room.
Why MiL thought it was a good idea to run after her granddaughter I have no idea. She made a show of everyone involved here, most of all, herself.

I would think that your DH should have a word with his mother about how she embarrassed herself and her granddaughter with the show she put on. Your daughter had said her goodbyes to the happy couple and your MiL did not need to stick her oar in to something that was so wholly unconnected to her or her enjoyment of the day.

Crunchymum · 30/05/2023 08:09

I just don't understand why she couldn't leave an hour later and get home at 9/9.30pm? Why was she so rigid to leave when she did?

Is 6.30am an early start for most people? Not in my circle (we all have primary school aged kids though)

Quite frankly I'd have probably commented too (along the lines of "why don't you just stay for the meal and leave after dessert"). Leaving mid meal is just odd. It wasn't even that late?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 30/05/2023 08:09

FrenchandSaunders · 30/05/2023 08:02

Does anyone remember going straight to work after a night out …. those were the days 🤣. Couldn’t do it now 😳

Exactly 😂

Knotted1 · 30/05/2023 08:10

Also I think it makes it worse that she said goodbye to the bride/groom!! A few people left after the meal at my wedding and most made a quiet exit, they didn’t want to disturb the drinks/toasts by coming up to the table, and didn’t make a scene. I wouldn’t want to be annoyed on my wedding day and someone leaving early like your DD would annoy me.

illiterato · 30/05/2023 08:10

Waiting for the drip feed that the DD was heading up a surgical team in an 18 hour theatre marathon to separate conjoined twins and that this otherwise inexplicable thread is actually MN’s best ever stealth brag.

burnoutbabe · 30/05/2023 08:10

I assume mother in law is sibling of the grandmother of the man being married?

I assume she was just a bit embarrassed and worried what her sibling would say to her about her rude grand child.

Not that she was paying for it.

She may have got your family the invitation, argued you should be included? (Ie kids as well as you/husband)

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/05/2023 08:11

Everyone was unreasonable here. The in-laws for making a scene, but also your DD for leaving part-way through the meal to drive home; different if she had a train to catch or something.

I also like my little routine in the evening, and I like to be in bed with a book by 10.30 weeknights, asleep by 11.30, but I can make the occasional exception for a special occasion. I just plan ahead for it in terms of anything I need to do / get ready.

BarbedButterfly · 30/05/2023 08:12

To get up that time I would be in bed for 10 and need at least an hour to get everything ready before work, plus extra time to take makeup off etc. If I was worried about traffic or anything I would have left early too.

I don't tend to go out on work nights but if I did, I would be home 9 at the latest. Everyone is different.

PuntoEBasta · 30/05/2023 08:13

Your DD was incredibly rude. If this was a foreseeable issue she should have attended the ceremony and drinks reception and left before the meal, clearly communicating this to the B&G so that they didn’t waste the best part of £100 on her meal.

BarbedButterfly · 30/05/2023 08:13

And 6.30 is really early for me too. No kids and I don't get up for work till 7.30

FabFitFifties · 30/05/2023 08:13

Both MIL and DD were rude. DD sounds very precious to be honest. Does she like to make "a big thing/drama" out of her job, or tend to make situations all about her? Or is there something vital we are not being told? Why did her DF also have to leave the table?

HoogahToogah · 30/05/2023 08:13

OP, are by any chance Asian and was this an Asian wedding? I just wondered based on the timings as you said you'd all been up at 6am and that the dinner was served in the evening, both of which are common in Asian weddings. Then the bit about it being your husband's cousin's son, so a second cousin to your DD, which in Asian culture is akin to a first cousin so MIL getting offended by it would be more expected.

If I'm right, then it's a completely different dynamic as the dinner is not formal, you can easily slip in and out, and the cost per head becomes a non-issue when you have 300-500 people dining and nobody RSVPs. You just basically set out to over-cater from the beginning

Sorry if I'm completely wrong!!

LIZS · 30/05/2023 08:15

Unless there is a back story, getting home later than 8 should not have been a problem. Why not stay for the meal? Presumably it would have been over by 8 then she could be home by 10, no fuss. A 6.30 start is hardly very early.

Qilin · 30/05/2023 08:16

Saz12 · 29/05/2023 23:21

Rude to leave after the starter! Meal probably cost loads.
Who eats-and-runs?? Even if all running to time she'd've left before or during speaches.

She should've been polite to have said shed love to go to ceremony and leave shortly before meal if she knew shed have an early start and wanted to be away at 8pm. MIL maybe worried that she was upset?

Op,says the meal was running an hour later though. So with the original timings the dd would probably have been fine, though potentially quite tight still.

SoupDragon · 30/05/2023 08:16

Surely it is equally "very rude" to serve a meal an hour late.

Simple cause and effect. The DD had to leave early because the meal was running late. It's just one of those things. Not rude at all.

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