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Original poster

“Your kid is really annoying us” - soft play rant

262 replies

HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 15:05

Took my DC (4,2 & 20m) to soft play today.

I go in with my children and supervise. Oldest goes off and plays for a little bit in the “bigger” area but is within eyesight/earshot.
Comes into the baby area (designated 0-4 years) to play with his siblings.

a group of about 7 slightly older children come and play in the baby area… would say they ranged from about 5/6 to 9ish.

they are playing roughly - climbing on things they shouldn’t, throwing things around. All while their parents (5 of them) are on a table the other end of the room, chatting and eating a picnic, completely ignoring their kids. The only babies in the baby area are mine so just keep them away and kind of hope their parents will see in a second and address it.

My oldest is going to school in September so I’m trying not to smother… they want to play with these older children so I hover within earshot and tell DC not to do xyz. DC asks “can I play with you” and one of the older children happy and being quite sweet telling DC what game they are playing.

DC being quite chatty telling older child what they like doing - other children start saying “get lost/you’re so annoying/shut up/why are you here” and mocking my DC copying what they say etc..

in the end one of the girls in the group marches right up to me and says “you’re kid is really annoying us” right in front of DC. I was shocked and just said that this was the baby area and they can always play in the bit for older children if they don’t want to be near little ones

Now, with DC going to a big school in September I have been trying to explain that not everyone will want to play with you all the time… but at the same time, I think their parents should have at least had an eye/ear on them!? If I heard my child saying that I would have had a word with them

In the end my DC was so upset they just asked to leave so we did.

would love some thoughts, my DC honestly can be quite annoying but on this occasion I really don’t think they deserved to be spoken to like that. I do also appreciate that many older children won’t want to play with younger ones and would never force it

but I appreciate it’s something they might experience more at school. DC gets on fine at nursery and has some really good friendships

thoughts on how to discuss this with them? They are nearly 5 and quite good at understanding things so not worried about having a bit of a serious conversation

also WHY tf do people just ignore their kids at soft play? Does my head in

OP posts:
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 30/05/2023 19:34

I would have said, 'well you're being annoying, playing in the baby area. Leave us alone please.'

Completelydonechick · 30/05/2023 19:35

the pain of trying to navigate youngsters through social situations…… I really do not miss this! Soft play and other social occasions are the best way to navigate all the social angst that being a child involves, especially as they are not allowed to play out any more, but needing to witness this as an adult is so painful! I still carry the guilt and mine is a well adjusted 16 year old (I hope!!)

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 30/05/2023 19:36

I would tell your child to next time say, 'that's mean, and I don't want to play with you anymore' and just walk away. And then if the kids keep bothering them to come and tell you.

Dibbydoos · 30/05/2023 19:43

Where's the centre supervisor? I'd have spoken to them abd cleared the older kids out tbh.

I'm sorry your little one was treated like that, sadly there are rude kids out their with poor parents. I hope they don't take it to heart. Give them a big cuddle and tell them they are fabulous x

LadyDP · 30/05/2023 19:50

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 15:42

The whole point of softplay is to ignore your kids

Independent play and being able to navigate social situations without parental supervision is essential

Above toddler age I never supervised mine.

They weren't allowed in the baby bit though and weren't rude or cheeky to adults

Yeah right. How do you know if you didn't supervise them?

ToK1 · 30/05/2023 19:54

To all those asking how I know my kids weren't rude to adults or horrible to other kids, ask yourself the same question.

Do you trust your kids not to be rude to adults or horrible to other kids? Even without constant supervision?

If not then maybe you need to look at your own parenting rather than worrying about mine

LovelyIssues · 30/05/2023 20:00

Oh OP, your poor little one! They sound really mean.

Elaina87 · 30/05/2023 20:02

Omg I'd have said more than that to the kid.... I'd have told them all they should be more kind, that they are picking on someone a lot smaller and younger than them and yes they should definitely go and play in the older kids section!

Flippingnora100 · 30/05/2023 20:12

I completely understand how protective you felt. I would have felt that way too. Kids can be horrible little buggers, especially in a group. I would have loudly said, ‘That’s not kind! You’re not even meant to be here, this area is for younger children, so you’d better go.’

As for how to handle it with your child, I’d say that sometimes other people aren’t nice and usually it says a lot more about them than it does about you. If others want to play, then great. If not, then it’s good to back off and play with someone else. Pay attention to how others make you feel and if it’s not good, put your time and energy elsewhere.

As for the parents, most parents care about protecting their kids when they are tiny and vulnerable and the minute they aren’t so tiny, they aren’t so attentive, even though someone else’s small child might be on the receiving end of their child’s behavior. Not much you can do about that, except protect your kids when they are tiny and teach them to move away/stand up for themselves as they get older.

Flippingnora100 · 30/05/2023 20:22

PS If I were you, I’d take your kid not wanting to go to soft play anymore as a win. They are hideous places in my opinion!

NickyEsther · 30/05/2023 20:30

I would have told the kids off and been quite mean there and then. You sound very polite and restrained! I’ve had to tell other kids off in softplay a number of times and they usually listen and seem a bit taken back that an adult has done that. Totally not OK I would have been furious.

Hope your son is OK. I would explain they were not very friendly children and you don’t want to be friends with people who are unkind. It’s nice having kind friends instead.

Pollis · 30/05/2023 20:32

I find it really sad that people seem to think it is important and normal for kids to go through these kinds of experiences.

1sttimemum1602 · 30/05/2023 20:35

Timeturnerplease · 29/05/2023 15:48

You need to be firm with the children next time OP. A calm but steely ‘This area is for under 4s, you need to go to the main area, thank you’ should do the trick. Saying thank you makes it clear that you expect them to follow the instruction. Most children will back down in the face of perceived authority. Channel your inner teacher.

I don’t go in with our DDs because DD1 is 4 and DD2 is almost 2 but very independent and robust. However, accompanying friends and I sit facing the play frame, chatting but with our eyes on the children. In the grand scheme of things you learn as a parent, it’s not difficult at all to chat and keep an eye on your own offspring.

Such shame for your little one. I’d have gone and spoken to the soft play staff and told them there were older children in there putting little ones at risk. I know the soft play I use actually sends staff in to tell children who are too old for the baby area to get out, that would however include your 4y/o at this soft play as the baby area is for 3 and under. I doubt they would question an older sibling being there unless they were very obviously over 3 or causing trouble. If the soft play staff didn’t do anything then I wouldn’t be using that one again if I was on your shoes.

FirstBirthday · 30/05/2023 20:50

I only go to soft play so that I can ignore my kids for an hour. I usually play around on Mumsnet.

Irritatedcashier · 30/05/2023 21:00

realityhack · 29/05/2023 17:04

I actually have done this when a similar situation occurred in soft play where much older kids were playing in areas for babies. Solved the problem immediately! parents looked really embarrassed and got them out of there

Show quote history

It works every time 🤣

raysan · 30/05/2023 21:16

@HolaPedro I had an even smaller incident with my DC then aged just 3 with a 5 yr old in a small soft play area. Kid's parent was 2m away (on his phone) when the 5YO said 'don;t follow me, you are not allowed to play'. I forget what I said - something like 'DC, YOU CAN PLAY WHERE YOU WANT'. But.... the same thing happened at nursery, and then my DC started to copy the unkind behaviour, as well as being very upset at being excluded. Aged 4, it is not an issue any more (I think!)

I guess my point is that even if these kids had been told off by their parents, your DC still has to process this - along with other childhood uncomfortable lessons. And they will, and it's ok if it's not a smooth path

JJWT · 30/05/2023 21:28

Wow! Schrodinger's parent. Not supervising them while simultaneously knowing that they weren't being rude or aggressive to anyone. Okaaaay.

ToK1 · 30/05/2023 21:29

@JJWT

I can only imagine you don't know your kids at all if you think its impossible. Shame for you.

katepilar · 30/05/2023 21:30

Instead of thinking of what the parents of the annoying children should do you should have dealt with the annoying children yourself. your children want to see you stand up for them.

quantumbutterfly · 30/05/2023 21:57

HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 15:42

@PonkyPonky there are people out there that don’t know how to be kind, it’s not your job to worry about that. It’s only your job to make sure you’re not one of them’.

I absolutely love this - will be stealing this from you!

When my dc were younger we spent days with my bff where she would ask her children to play with them. If they complained she would say they were once the little ones that older children were asked to play with, this is how we learn to get along with people & families, it is part of socialisation.

It breaks your heart a little when your children are upset but resilience is also a part of socialisation. I hope your little one finds the fun in soft play again, when we were young we used to play on the street or out in the woods, the world has changed but children still need a physically challenging outlet.

MrsMiddleMother · 30/05/2023 22:14

Yanbu I'm so sorry for your little one. That's the reason we hardly go to softplay because of other kids being rough or rude and when my lo had a party at one we hired it out so we didn't have to deal with unsupervised little shits

Pidge1932 · 30/05/2023 22:30

Nope your not unreasonable at all. I recently took my two dc to sofa play for under 10s. There were 5/6 children in there was were around 12-14. They’re dad bought them all drinks and crisps and left the venue after telling me to tell them off if they misbehaved. Now my children were 1 & 2 and these older children and running round as fast as they could, swinging off the beams that they shouldn’t have even been able to reach if they were within the age to play in there. My mom told the staff who asked them to leave. They didn’t and continued to piss about, the last straw was the hanging off the beams above my 1 years olds head so I lost my temper and told them they needed to leave. One of them gave me some abuse to which I jus told him to go and get his dad to return to the venue and I would have it out with him.
My older child loves soft play but I absolutely hate it because of parents that just seem to think they’re kids can do whatever they please with no consequences

Alwaystryingtoohard · 31/05/2023 03:38

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 15:42

The whole point of softplay is to ignore your kids

Independent play and being able to navigate social situations without parental supervision is essential

Above toddler age I never supervised mine.

They weren't allowed in the baby bit though and weren't rude or cheeky to adults

How do you know they weren’t rude or cheeky if you weren’t supervising them?

How can they learn to navigate social situations correctly without an adult stepping in to help and show them (not always- only when needed, of course)?

M0ose · 31/05/2023 05:24

@HolaPedro With the way some people talk on mumsnet, it's no wonder why the kids today are little bullies or have no manners. Makes me scared for the future really.
My oldest is a chatterbox and likes including others and would have loved to play with your son 😊

user1492757084 · 31/05/2023 05:53

I would have spoken to staff.
I think it is also important that you take your children back again, soon, to make sure the experience is a good one for your oldest child.
Hopefully the bullies will be a distant memory by the time school starts but they did serve to show your DC exactly what a bully is and who not to play with in the schoolyard.
Your child will apreciate and identify kind friends more readily.