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Original poster

“Your kid is really annoying us” - soft play rant

262 replies

HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 15:05

Took my DC (4,2 & 20m) to soft play today.

I go in with my children and supervise. Oldest goes off and plays for a little bit in the “bigger” area but is within eyesight/earshot.
Comes into the baby area (designated 0-4 years) to play with his siblings.

a group of about 7 slightly older children come and play in the baby area… would say they ranged from about 5/6 to 9ish.

they are playing roughly - climbing on things they shouldn’t, throwing things around. All while their parents (5 of them) are on a table the other end of the room, chatting and eating a picnic, completely ignoring their kids. The only babies in the baby area are mine so just keep them away and kind of hope their parents will see in a second and address it.

My oldest is going to school in September so I’m trying not to smother… they want to play with these older children so I hover within earshot and tell DC not to do xyz. DC asks “can I play with you” and one of the older children happy and being quite sweet telling DC what game they are playing.

DC being quite chatty telling older child what they like doing - other children start saying “get lost/you’re so annoying/shut up/why are you here” and mocking my DC copying what they say etc..

in the end one of the girls in the group marches right up to me and says “you’re kid is really annoying us” right in front of DC. I was shocked and just said that this was the baby area and they can always play in the bit for older children if they don’t want to be near little ones

Now, with DC going to a big school in September I have been trying to explain that not everyone will want to play with you all the time… but at the same time, I think their parents should have at least had an eye/ear on them!? If I heard my child saying that I would have had a word with them

In the end my DC was so upset they just asked to leave so we did.

would love some thoughts, my DC honestly can be quite annoying but on this occasion I really don’t think they deserved to be spoken to like that. I do also appreciate that many older children won’t want to play with younger ones and would never force it

but I appreciate it’s something they might experience more at school. DC gets on fine at nursery and has some really good friendships

thoughts on how to discuss this with them? They are nearly 5 and quite good at understanding things so not worried about having a bit of a serious conversation

also WHY tf do people just ignore their kids at soft play? Does my head in

OP posts:
ToK1 · 29/05/2023 20:12

Loling at the contradiction from the helicopters

You must watch your kids every single minute! Cannot take your eyes off them for a single second otherwise you're a shite, lazy, awful neglectful parent. Must run up and down the soft play equipment after a 7 yo to make sure they're not doing something they shouldn't. Tough luck if your adult arse doesn't fit

But actually, it's OK to not follow them into the big equipment directly. You can just have a vague sense of where they are and just know they're behaving

🤣🤣

takealettermsjones · 29/05/2023 20:22

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 20:12

Loling at the contradiction from the helicopters

You must watch your kids every single minute! Cannot take your eyes off them for a single second otherwise you're a shite, lazy, awful neglectful parent. Must run up and down the soft play equipment after a 7 yo to make sure they're not doing something they shouldn't. Tough luck if your adult arse doesn't fit

But actually, it's OK to not follow them into the big equipment directly. You can just have a vague sense of where they are and just know they're behaving

🤣🤣

Nobody has said that but ok!

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 20:27

@takealettermsjones

Sure they have.

Either you need to directly supervise them at all times, regardless of age and appropriateness of an adult being on /in kids play equipment, so you can 100% know what they are doing at all times,

or

It's OK to trust your kid to go and play on their own and not be an arsehole while you sit with a cake and have a vague eye on them

I know which 1 I think is shite parenting

Flittingaboutagain · 29/05/2023 20:30

It's awful to see the moment when your gorgeous innocent little one starts to realise the world isn't a nice place, people can hurt you and it's impossible to know just by looking who will be nice versus mean. It's one of the worst aspects of being a mum for me. When my little one smiles at strangers and says hello (as do I and most people in our village) I think how will I teach you about how shit the people in this world can be?

TheaBrandt · 29/05/2023 20:33

You need to up your parenting skills and develop a way of being assertive / friendly but firm with other peoples annoying offspring without triggering a major incident. When mine were little I copied my lovely friend who dealt with these incidents so well. They are young children too and your little tot will be their age very soon but it takes a village and all that.

Flittingaboutagain · 29/05/2023 20:34

TheaBrandt · 29/05/2023 20:33

You need to up your parenting skills and develop a way of being assertive / friendly but firm with other peoples annoying offspring without triggering a major incident. When mine were little I copied my lovely friend who dealt with these incidents so well. They are young children too and your little tot will be their age very soon but it takes a village and all that.

Give us some examples please...I could do with some!

LaMaG · 29/05/2023 20:37

It annoys me that staff aren't enforcing the baby area rule. And standing there supervising your kids throughout is nonsensical, the whole business revolves around sales of coffee etc, if parents couldn't have a chat or get some down time the business would not exist. Once I saw them regularly enough I was happy but 100% would not allow them in baby area when older.

I developed the ability to talk to older kids too late in life. I don't think I realised they need very clear instructions. I would have given them a look (ignored) or said something like "I don't think you are meant to play here" (ignored). I now would say "you can't play in this baby area, you need to stay in the other area. Please go" and they tend to understand unless absolute brats, but most kids just need to be told whats expected of them.

MRex · 29/05/2023 20:38

Ah there's a whole raft of things to say here.

  1. Send big kids out of the baby area, every time.
  2. Past 5, they just want to run with their mates really, you can go in a bit but better to let them get on and work stuff out for themselves. It doesn't feel like that right now at 4, but this will change quickly any you'll have no idea where he is.
  3. Tell DS that some kids are mean and not everyone wants to play, but those who do want to play are great so it's always worth trying.
  4. Encourage a quiet chat at bedtime with a few questions you repeat every night: "How was your day & was everyone kind to you today & were you kind to everyone today & do you have any questions for mummy?". My DS knows it all comes, so he's started just answering the questions while he gets ready for bed before he's asked. Every mean comment made to him, silly thing he did, or time where he wasn't sure what went wrong, we chat it through. It helps a lot I think.
itsgettingweird · 29/05/2023 20:39

What you don't do is give your kid the idea that these children had every right to behave that way or speak that way.

That's the sure fire to end up with them doing the same when older!

Tell your child that it's fine if people don't want to play. But what the older children should have done is gone to the older bit and said "thanks for playing we are going elsewhere now".

I feel so sorry for children growing with in this day and age with social media and the "just saying" and "banter" social climate.

takealettermsjones · 29/05/2023 20:40

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 20:27

@takealettermsjones

Sure they have.

Either you need to directly supervise them at all times, regardless of age and appropriateness of an adult being on /in kids play equipment, so you can 100% know what they are doing at all times,

or

It's OK to trust your kid to go and play on their own and not be an arsehole while you sit with a cake and have a vague eye on them

I know which 1 I think is shite parenting

Right, but your option 2 is very different from "the whole point of soft play is to ignore them" and not what people are talking about. The key bit is and have a vague eye on them, which a lot of parents don't do. Nobody is saying it's necessary to follow bigger kids around on the equipment. People are saying that you should sit (with your coffee) with the baby section in sight so you can go and kick your own kids out of there if necessary, and not leave it to some other parent who's trying to fend off four at once.

fUNNYfACE36 · 29/05/2023 20:50

It is clearly etched on my mind the first time this happened to ds1 and he is 28 now.it is heartbreaking and feels like their sweet trusting naivety is never completely the same ever again

Flittingaboutagain · 29/05/2023 21:05

It's awful isn't it. Thankfully I feel I rarely come across someone unkind in every day life and I don't remember the first time the bubble burst for me... I guess it's something we remember as parents instead.

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 21:10

@takealettermsjones

But I do (did) ignore them. Mostly

And people absolutely have said they should be under direct supervision at all times or you're a shite parent

Original poster
HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 21:23

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 20:27

@takealettermsjones

Sure they have.

Either you need to directly supervise them at all times, regardless of age and appropriateness of an adult being on /in kids play equipment, so you can 100% know what they are doing at all times,

or

It's OK to trust your kid to go and play on their own and not be an arsehole while you sit with a cake and have a vague eye on them

I know which 1 I think is shite parenting

Yes but there’s a difference between a vague eye and ignoring completely!

OP posts:
ToK1 · 29/05/2023 21:30

@HolaPedro

A vague eye wouldn't necessarily have stopped what happened from happening though

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/05/2023 21:36

SophieinParis · 29/05/2023 20:03

The whole idea that telling them off is shaming is way over dramatic! Making the kid feel a bit silly and immature is definitely the way to go.
They aren’t going to respond to “that’s very unkind now please leave the baby area it’s for smaller ones”. They KNOW it’s unkind. They KNOW it’s a baby area. A 9 year old doing impressions of a toddler?! Telling them they’re annoying?! That’s a year 5 child to a nursery age child. In a little baby area. It is pretty shameful.
You can’t give them consequences (obviously) and they already know they’re being unkind but seemingly don’t mind about that. But what older kids DO care about is not being babyish. They don’t like to think of themselves as being immature or not “9 year old ish”. They don’t like to feel embarrassed or silly. And tbh if I made the two girls mocking my little 3yo who was trying her very best to go fast on the tunnel feel embarrassed and ashamed of their behaviour then that’s a win. Hopefully they won’t do it to another 3 year old. Fingers crossed they’ll realise that their role now, as older children, is to be patient and encouraging of littler ones.

Telling them off is absolutely fine. It's shaming them that they are too old for soft play which is completely unrelated to their unkindness (not to mention, untrue) that is the issue and I'm not sure had them going off and thinking about what they did when you started being unkind to them yourself.

Yes, they are 9 and in Year 5 and should know better but they are still children. You're an adult and it seems couldn't help yourself, you seem to be holding them to a higher standard than yourself.

Noicant · 29/05/2023 21:57

TheaBrandt · 29/05/2023 20:33

You need to up your parenting skills and develop a way of being assertive / friendly but firm with other peoples annoying offspring without triggering a major incident. When mine were little I copied my lovely friend who dealt with these incidents so well. They are young children too and your little tot will be their age very soon but it takes a village and all that.

I’d like some examples of this too. I worry that I’ve spent so long telling my Dd to be kind and a good friend that when she experiences unpleasantness from other children she doesn’t know what to do. How do I communicate to a child that their behaviour is unacceptable in a friendly way while also communicating to my DD that we don’t have to be friendly to people who are not kind to us.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 29/05/2023 22:59

“Well get out of the area for babies then, you ill-mannered little shit…” is what I’d have been tempted to say.

And may well have said if they caught me on a bad day.

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 30/05/2023 00:21

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 29/05/2023 22:59

“Well get out of the area for babies then, you ill-mannered little shit…” is what I’d have been tempted to say.

And may well have said if they caught me on a bad day.

I distinctly remember my sister being caught on a bad day with a much older kid like this who was being an absolute vicious dick to my 2 year old and my 3 year old nephew and saying "you're a hateful little child no wonder your mummy doesn't want to play with you".

She regretted it instantly but it worked so 🤷

Wenfy · 30/05/2023 00:26

Where I live it’s better to go to the softplays that don’t serve good or drinks. You do tend to get parents who more willing to supervise.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/05/2023 07:21

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 30/05/2023 00:21

I distinctly remember my sister being caught on a bad day with a much older kid like this who was being an absolute vicious dick to my 2 year old and my 3 year old nephew and saying "you're a hateful little child no wonder your mummy doesn't want to play with you".

She regretted it instantly but it worked so 🤷

Show quote history

Brava. I can relate.

LouiseB1506 · 30/05/2023 17:24

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 15:42

The whole point of softplay is to ignore your kids

Independent play and being able to navigate social situations without parental supervision is essential

Above toddler age I never supervised mine.

They weren't allowed in the baby bit though and weren't rude or cheeky to adults

How would you know they were never rude to others if you weren't supervising them?

TallerThanAverage · 30/05/2023 17:45

Saucery · 29/05/2023 15:11

I would just go with those children were being very mean. If anyone is mean to you tell me/Dad/teacher etc

Don’t over explain it, your DS was doing nothing wrong, so you don’t have to go into details about he could or should have handled it. The other dc were horrible. Sometimes you meet horrible people, tell your parents or a trusted adult is all he needs to know at his age.

Exactly this

they're 4 keep it brief and simple.

Buddercud · 30/05/2023 17:45

There is a lot of spite here towards very young children! 9 year olds seem much older than they are when you have little ones. Instead of dreaming up bitchy comments to put small children in their place (a 9 year old’s job isn’t helping you to parent, btw, as PP said hers was) just go and speak to the adults. Or tell a member of staff. And brace yourself for your DC starting school.

AliceOlive · 30/05/2023 17:45

Use it as an opportunity to begin teaching your child to deal with rejection. It happens to all of us. It would be so great to start learning how to cope with it at his age.

So many lessons:
Not everyone will want to play with you.
You will not want to play with everyone.
You can learn to handle it kindly when you don't want to play with someone.
This girl did not learn that yet.
and most importantly: If someone doesn't like you, you probably won't like them much either so try not to let it become a big deal.

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