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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Your kid is really annoying us” - soft play rant

262 replies

HolaPedro · 29/05/2023 15:05

Took my DC (4,2 & 20m) to soft play today.

I go in with my children and supervise. Oldest goes off and plays for a little bit in the “bigger” area but is within eyesight/earshot.
Comes into the baby area (designated 0-4 years) to play with his siblings.

a group of about 7 slightly older children come and play in the baby area… would say they ranged from about 5/6 to 9ish.

they are playing roughly - climbing on things they shouldn’t, throwing things around. All while their parents (5 of them) are on a table the other end of the room, chatting and eating a picnic, completely ignoring their kids. The only babies in the baby area are mine so just keep them away and kind of hope their parents will see in a second and address it.

My oldest is going to school in September so I’m trying not to smother… they want to play with these older children so I hover within earshot and tell DC not to do xyz. DC asks “can I play with you” and one of the older children happy and being quite sweet telling DC what game they are playing.

DC being quite chatty telling older child what they like doing - other children start saying “get lost/you’re so annoying/shut up/why are you here” and mocking my DC copying what they say etc..

in the end one of the girls in the group marches right up to me and says “you’re kid is really annoying us” right in front of DC. I was shocked and just said that this was the baby area and they can always play in the bit for older children if they don’t want to be near little ones

Now, with DC going to a big school in September I have been trying to explain that not everyone will want to play with you all the time… but at the same time, I think their parents should have at least had an eye/ear on them!? If I heard my child saying that I would have had a word with them

In the end my DC was so upset they just asked to leave so we did.

would love some thoughts, my DC honestly can be quite annoying but on this occasion I really don’t think they deserved to be spoken to like that. I do also appreciate that many older children won’t want to play with younger ones and would never force it

but I appreciate it’s something they might experience more at school. DC gets on fine at nursery and has some really good friendships

thoughts on how to discuss this with them? They are nearly 5 and quite good at understanding things so not worried about having a bit of a serious conversation

also WHY tf do people just ignore their kids at soft play? Does my head in

OP posts:
MrsRaspberry · 30/05/2023 17:45

MoonlightLily · 29/05/2023 15:35

I don't think they are wrong i think its fine for kids to not want to play with kids they don't know. Mine are autistic and don't like ramdon children trying to play with them.

Whilst its fine that they don't want to play with a younger kid they could've used some manners and been nice about it rather than mocking him and being mean. They were the ones in a designated baby area their parents should really have told them to stay out of there and play in the areas designated for their own age groups. The fact that a child approached an adult that rudely speaks volumes too

Buddercud · 30/05/2023 17:46

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 30/05/2023 00:21

I distinctly remember my sister being caught on a bad day with a much older kid like this who was being an absolute vicious dick to my 2 year old and my 3 year old nephew and saying "you're a hateful little child no wonder your mummy doesn't want to play with you".

She regretted it instantly but it worked so 🤷

Show quote history

Well done, she bullied a child. Perhaps she could have been brave enough to say that to the parent?

ExcitingTimes2021 · 30/05/2023 17:47

FairAcre · 29/05/2023 15:37

You should have said ‘well I find you very annoying.’

I would have said this too! 😂😂😂

Quinoawoman · 30/05/2023 17:50

YABU to expect older children to have their parents following them around a soft play.

YANBU to be annoyed about how they spoke to you. I would have told them they were being unkind (in addition to what you said), then found their parents and told them what had passed.

Skiggles2018 · 30/05/2023 18:06

YANBU - they shouldn’t be in the baby area and parents should be keeping an eye if there are little babies in there and shoo them out.

I let mine in the baby area (3&5) if there are no babies as all the soft building blocks are in there which is their favourite part.

However they can say they don’t want to play and your DS will have to learn that some children will say yes and some no but it’s worth asking.

I’ve become very passive aggressive since having kids; I’d have said - ‘oh it’s a shame they don’t want to play with you but actually they are too big for this area anyway and it’s just for babies and they’re being too rough in here.’

I’ve sat in soft play before and started off passive aggressive and in the end shouted across the cafe ‘oh those boys are not kicking you again are they?!’ And stormed over and the parents finally got off their bums to pretend to do something - they soon left as I’d embarrassed them enough.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 30/05/2023 18:07

MoonlightLily · 29/05/2023 15:35

I don't think they are wrong i think its fine for kids to not want to play with kids they don't know. Mine are autistic and don't like ramdon children trying to play with them.

But they shouldn’t have been play(my (n the baby area and the parents were not supervising them adequately.

OP, don’t be afraid to tell other people’s kids off if they’re doing something wrong.

WombatChocolate · 30/05/2023 18:09

If a child is being rude, I would always tell them ‘That is extremely rude’. They need to be told.

Some children are just incredibly cheeky and rude from a young age…even to adults. As an adult, I wouldn’t be cowed by a small child.

Regarding your own children, I wouldn’t make it a big deal. Tell them that some people are very rude. If it happens, they should tell the teacher or adult. If they want to say ‘That’s very rude of you’ then they can. But I wouldn’t be dwelling on it in your own mind or talking about it in a way that they start to dwell on it either. Unfortunately there are rude people everywhere. Don’t allow them to spoil your time or encourage your child to be too sensitive either.

And yes, tell the staff if there’s anything you don’t like going on. They can then find the parents and address it.

FFSFF · 30/05/2023 18:13

YANBU, but I voted YABU as you should've asked a staff member to ask them to leave the baby area. There is a reason that area is only for toddlers, and it's exactly so this type of thing is avoided.

Namechangeed · 30/05/2023 18:17

Next time tell the staff. I would regularly shut the whole play area down until the children in question had left. It quickly got the message across that we take no funny business. I'm sure they have it happen all the time.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 30/05/2023 18:22

I don't think they are wrong i think its fine for kids to not want to play with kids they don't know. Mine are autistic and don't like ramdon children trying to play with them.

I agree with this to an extent, if they didn't want younger kids to follow them then they should have cleared out of the baby area.

I really feel for you OP, it's such a hard lesson for our DCs to learn that not everyone is friendly. It's an important one to learn though and best to learn early.

Irritateandunreasonable · 30/05/2023 18:27

honestly, I would have said ‘I’m not sure why he wants to play with you anyway, you’re not being very kind’.

sorry, it’s upsetting when someone is mean to our kids but it happens to them all at one point x

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 30/05/2023 18:27

Buddercud · 30/05/2023 17:46

Well done, she bullied a child. Perhaps she could have been brave enough to say that to the parent?

Show quote history

Chat shit get banged! 🤷😂

Mynameisntrelevant1 · 30/05/2023 18:34

This is going to happen lots to your dc, teach resilience next time so don't leave, if dc needs 5 minutes to sit down have a drink etc then fine, but don't all leave because another dc spoke nastily to yours. Don't explain,just say some children weren't acting nicely and move on to play a game, distract. Making a big deal won't help, leaving, talking ut over, indulging the never go to softplay again etc.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 30/05/2023 18:42

Buddercud · 30/05/2023 17:46

Well done, she bullied a child. Perhaps she could have been brave enough to say that to the parent?

Show quote history

I’m sure she would have done had the parent arsed themselves to be around. Clearly they weren’t, as in the OP. As I’d have spoken to the parent, had they been around. As I said, there’s still a chance I’d have called them an ill-mannered little shit, though. Which they were. 🤷‍♀️

purplepansyem · 30/05/2023 18:46

I don't think this would be your child because you sound like a good parent who wouldn't allow your older child to play in an area designated for very young children x

Maray1967 · 30/05/2023 18:49

Irritatedcashier · 29/05/2023 15:46

You need to be gobbier.
If have stood up, and shouted to the room "excuse me, who's kids are these? This area is for under 4s and they're playing roughly"

Yes, this is exactly what I have done (twice). Both times got results- parent rushed over and removed kid. One apologised, the other one glared at me. I glared back. There is no way I will put up with a 7 year old in the toddler area.

JenWillsiam · 30/05/2023 18:50

ToK1 · 29/05/2023 15:42

The whole point of softplay is to ignore your kids

Independent play and being able to navigate social situations without parental supervision is essential

Above toddler age I never supervised mine.

They weren't allowed in the baby bit though and weren't rude or cheeky to adults

If you’re ignoring your kids to the extent that they’re intimidating young children in a space they shouldn’t in that is a problem.

if you aren’t permitting that you aren’t ignoring your kids. You’re parenting appropriately.

these kids parents were not.

Original poster
HolaPedro · 30/05/2023 18:53

a few people have said you can’t force them to play with DC, and pointed out younger kids can annoy the older ones

I do know this and don’t deny it - but one of the older kids was actually playing with DC really nicely, believe me if it seemed like DC was just being a nuisance, in the big or little area, I would have redirected DC straight away! (And have done this before with older cousins for example)

I just think at the very least glancing towards your kids at soft play is considerate to other parents.. not saying you have to climb through everything glued to your child

OP posts:
Piglet89 · 30/05/2023 18:55

@Bunbuns3

Unfortunately soft play does attract your rougher lower class types.

Classist. Anecdotal, admittedly, but my son was at a soft play for his pal’s 4th birthday earlier this month. Another parent alerted me to the fact he was crying and so I went in and caught another kid from his nursery class (about 2 days between my son and him) in the act of slapping my son repeatedly in the face. Hard.

He got short shrift from me, believe you me. And that kid is from a really well off, middle class family. But he’s a cheeky little so-and-so because his parents:

a) are soft and clearly lax with discipline;
b) are distracted with his younger baby sister;
c) confuse being lippy with being very bright;
d) don’t parent the kid in front of them (his character means he very obviously needs firmer boundaries); and
e) haven’t taught him any manners.

And that is why he behaves like that.

CarCrazy · 30/05/2023 18:55

I would just have said something like 'dont worry about those mean kids' and then encouraged DC onto something, maybe played with him a bit, asked him to join in with you and little ones. Just keep it light and move on.

I'd tell the older ones off and ask them to leave toddler area and if they didn't I'd ask staff to move them.

I dont think it's a big deal and your DC needn't have been upset, just keep the mood jolly and refocus him on something else

Magicmama92 · 30/05/2023 19:02

No it's not at all.

FrozenWeeSticks · 30/05/2023 19:07

I’m torn about this! This (your 4yo) could very, very easily be my son. Similar things have happened with him, but not quite as bluntly as in this situation. I think YANBU at all to feel sad for him and angry on his behalf in this situation, and to wonder what you could / should have done, and what you could / should do in future.

I also think YANBU to think that the parents of the older children have fallen down on the job. But I think where they’ve fallen down on the job is in teaching and enforcing kindness generally, not in supervising them. So in that respect YABU. I don’t think you should have said or done anything a propos of the parents (although, you know, this is Britain and you’re an MN user so obviously the evil eye and a healthy dose of passive aggression are always in order!). I agree with PPs that all your son needs to know is that the older children were unkind, that this will happen sometimes, that it’s ok to feel upset by it, and that he doesn’t - and will remember not to - do unkind things like this. My 4yo also has 2 younger siblings so I always make a big deal of how kind he is to them and their friends, and how I can tell from this that he knows better.

NickL22 · 30/05/2023 19:19

MoonlightLily · 29/05/2023 15:35

I don't think they are wrong i think its fine for kids to not want to play with kids they don't know. Mine are autistic and don't like ramdon children trying to play with them.

Of course it's fine, but children should be raised to at least be polite about it and they were in the younger child section so it was easy for them to move if they wanted to. Plus if the parents were watching they should of noticed what their kids were doing.

Newbie1991 · 30/05/2023 19:20

Funny enough I was soft play with my 11 months and stuck to the "under 5" section and two times my LG was nearly stamped over by kids who were much much older than her.

One little girl and boy (siblings)who was very cute just wouldn't leave my LG alone and the little boy actually tried to put his fingers down her mouth and tried to kiss her. I said don't do that and his mum just smiling and watching ... It wasn't cute and it was annoying. Quite frankly don't want some stranger fingers down my baby throat.

They could see I was getting annoyed but didn't care because that's what people are like. I ended up taking her to the other side and they still followed ...

Pet hate.

Haywirecity · 30/05/2023 19:30

DC asks “can I play with you”

Aw that is so cute. 🥰

other children start saying “get lost/you’re so annoying/shut up/why are you here”

They're definitely meanies but that's kids, isn't it? It's what your 4yo will be saying to their youngest sibling in the not too distant future.

DC had just said “I don’t want to go to soft play any more” ☹️☹️☹️

I would think that makes the day perfect. Soft play is expensive, noisy and the most boring place for adults. If you've got a forever pass from that, then 🥳 . But you can bet your bottom dollar, they'll be back to wanting to go again soon. 😔 Kids just lift up your hopes to only crash them back down. 🤨