“Your kid is really annoying us” - soft play rant

[HolaPedro]

Took my DC (4,2 & 20m) to soft play today.

I go in with my children and supervise. Oldest goes off and plays for a little bit in the “bigger” area but is within eyesight/earshot.
Comes into the baby area (designated 0-4 years) to play with his siblings.

a group of about 7 slightly older children come and play in the baby area… would say they ranged from about 5/6 to 9ish.

they are playing roughly - climbing on things they shouldn’t, throwing things around. All while their parents (5 of them) are on a table the other end of the room, chatting and eating a picnic, completely ignoring their kids. The only babies in the baby area are mine so just keep them away and kind of hope their parents will see in a second and address it.

My oldest is going to school in September so I’m trying not to smother… they want to play with these older children so I hover within earshot and tell DC not to do xyz. DC asks “can I play with you” and one of the older children happy and being quite sweet telling DC what game they are playing.

DC being quite chatty telling older child what they like doing - other children start saying “get lost/you’re so annoying/shut up/why are you here” and mocking my DC copying what they say etc..

in the end one of the girls in the group marches right up to me and says “you’re kid is really annoying us” right in front of DC. I was shocked and just said that this was the baby area and they can always play in the bit for older children if they don’t want to be near little ones

Now, with DC going to a big school in September I have been trying to explain that not everyone will want to play with you all the time… but at the same time, I think their parents should have at least had an eye/ear on them!? If I heard my child saying that I would have had a word with them

In the end my DC was so upset they just asked to leave so we did.

would love some thoughts, my DC honestly can be quite annoying but on this occasion I really don’t think they deserved to be spoken to like that. I do also appreciate that many older children won’t want to play with younger ones and would never force it

but I appreciate it’s something they might experience more at school. DC gets on fine at nursery and has some really good friendships

thoughts on how to discuss this with them? They are nearly 5 and quite good at understanding things so not worried about having a bit of a serious conversation

also WHY tf do people just ignore their kids at soft play? Does my head in

By leaving you basically taught him to run whenever people are mean ....

You should have told that kid off (the one that came to you) And also you should have asked the kids to leave the baby area. Especially considering you say they were ranged 5 til bloody 9!!

but also.... if your kid was so desperate to play with them but they didn't want to play with him:its their right. They don't have to play with him. I can imagine him being an annoying 4 yo not wanting to listen to kids telling him to go away.
You even say he can be quite annoying 😅

You were in "earshot" but surely far away enough to not hear everything right..

Ahhh I'd be so upset and internally fuming for my DC. The kids clearly have been dragged up so think that's the right thing to say or do. My eldest DD is 6 and she's always been so chatty and will try make friends with every kid she sees so if anyone had spoken to her like that, I tend to just tell her 'some kids aren't always that kind but at least you are and so are lots of others so let's find the nicer ones' She usually goes with that idea and forgets about the bad ones. I hope your DD is okay

What's with the "they"?

It’s always hell. All mine love it unfortunately. I was recently at a softplay where a mother left her age 9/10 child who clearly had substantial additional needs in the under twos ball pit and went sailing off out of site. The child then proceeded to grab a tiny crawling age child (also parent nowhere to be seen) squeeze it’s face until it screamed and pinned in down under the ball pool. I intervened and when both the parents finally appeared hearing the commotion gave them both a complete dressing down about their crap parenting skills.

Why is that relevant?

I would have said “excuse me, you don’t talk to adults like that. Play somewhere else if you don’t like it”. And then I would say to mine “some people are just really nasty and rude, you just have to ignore them.”

The whole point of softplay is to ignore your kids

There is always one.

I'd have given the little 'madam' something to run back to her mum about. Your ds has learned not everyone is nice and wants to play with them, the little madam too should've learned if you're not taught manners at home, you will be taught some outside.

As soon as they came into the baby area, I would've told them to leave because it's the baby area. If they refused, I would've alerted a staff member.

It's incredibly annoying when older children take over the baby area.

I did tell them politely they didn’t need to be in the baby area and they should go back to the other bit if they didn’t want be around smaller children

didn’t hear everything for the ten minutes DC was in the bigger area to begin with but most of it, it’s not a huge soft play and DC didn’t try and play with them until they were in the baby bit anyway

the baby bit is literally smaller than my living room so yeah, I did hear everything .. and I was listening on purpose as they were already being a bit rowdy in the bit for small children

I’d have called them out on it! I’d have said “what a spiteful thing to say, what on earth is the matter with you? You’re too old for soft play, and certainly too old for this bit. You should be embarrassed”. Then I’d have spoken to the parents. I have no qualms about telling other peoples children off in order to defend my own.
Something similar happened once, a couple of 9 year olds were loudly complaining my little 3yo was too slow in a tunnel. I basically said the above, and they got out the soft play looking actually quite ashamed.

There is no reason for soft play to be “lord of the flies”. Just raise your children to be kind polite people ffs. And always
be nice to younger ones.

@Askil you can’t know that, though. Children do just sometimes behave very differently when together and when away from their parents. Best just to be firm without unpleasant as @OriginalUsername2 has said

because my child being a boy or girl is irrelevant

I'd be a hurt and defensive, and pissed off too.

I've written in down to use on my nieces if necessary too :-)

OP, your poor kid. Maybe he might like to try another soft play (ie removed from the incident) another time?

Sure @SophieinParis but the whole point of Lord of the Flies is that when away from adults, children can become somewhat savage. It isn’t necessarily linked to upbringing either (although it can be) but a bit of a non mentality can take over.

Ooo pressed enter too soon, sorry.

I think I'd just tell DD "Those children were rude - they might not have wanted to play, but the way they spoke to and about you was unkind".

Mob not non!

It’s annoying and she was being a madam and they shouldn’t of been in the baby area.
when I have nostalgia this is one thing I am so glad we are over youngest Dc is 13

You have a good task here to show your children how to confidently navigate shared social spaces snd unpleasant people. You should have asserted yourself as a parent and a customer at the time and told the older children to get out of the bsby area. Failing that you need to model for your child how to handle disappointment. Just be very matter of fact “those kids were tricky! They seemed nice and then they were mean! Good thing we can still have a good time even when some people don’t want to play with us.”

just realised I accidentally put “his siblings” anyway 😅 at least I tried

So why did you deliberately conceal it, as if knowing if your child is a boy or a girl would make a difference to the responses?

This all sounds like fairly standard soft play stuff to me. Big kids in the toddler area, and kids being mean to each other. I’d have told the big kids to move, but apart from that, it’s basically a Lord of the Flies situation!

Older kids in the baby section really winds me up. DD(4) sometimes comes in when I'm there with other DD (11mo) and if she does anything other than sit beside us or help DD2 move around, then I tell her to leave and go play in the big kids bit! But then you get people who just let their older kids run riot in there. Luckily the soft play owner is always around, so I just pop over and tell him if it gets bad and he comes over and bellows at them to get out.

Sorry for your DC that someone was rude, but it's definitely a them and not you problem. Tell staff if it happens again for sure. They don't want older kids potentially hurting babies either.

Exactly. Children, especially when younger need to be supervised and told to be careful of littlies, the rules and so forth.

It all seems a bit overwrought really