“Your kid is really annoying us” - soft play rant

[HolaPedro]

Took my DC (4,2 & 20m) to soft play today.

I go in with my children and supervise. Oldest goes off and plays for a little bit in the “bigger” area but is within eyesight/earshot.
Comes into the baby area (designated 0-4 years) to play with his siblings.

a group of about 7 slightly older children come and play in the baby area… would say they ranged from about 5/6 to 9ish.

they are playing roughly - climbing on things they shouldn’t, throwing things around. All while their parents (5 of them) are on a table the other end of the room, chatting and eating a picnic, completely ignoring their kids. The only babies in the baby area are mine so just keep them away and kind of hope their parents will see in a second and address it.

My oldest is going to school in September so I’m trying not to smother… they want to play with these older children so I hover within earshot and tell DC not to do xyz. DC asks “can I play with you” and one of the older children happy and being quite sweet telling DC what game they are playing.

DC being quite chatty telling older child what they like doing - other children start saying “get lost/you’re so annoying/shut up/why are you here” and mocking my DC copying what they say etc..

in the end one of the girls in the group marches right up to me and says “you’re kid is really annoying us” right in front of DC. I was shocked and just said that this was the baby area and they can always play in the bit for older children if they don’t want to be near little ones

Now, with DC going to a big school in September I have been trying to explain that not everyone will want to play with you all the time… but at the same time, I think their parents should have at least had an eye/ear on them!? If I heard my child saying that I would have had a word with them

In the end my DC was so upset they just asked to leave so we did.

would love some thoughts, my DC honestly can be quite annoying but on this occasion I really don’t think they deserved to be spoken to like that. I do also appreciate that many older children won’t want to play with younger ones and would never force it

but I appreciate it’s something they might experience more at school. DC gets on fine at nursery and has some really good friendships

thoughts on how to discuss this with them? They are nearly 5 and quite good at understanding things so not worried about having a bit of a serious conversation

also WHY tf do people just ignore their kids at soft play? Does my head in

I am navigating this with my 4 year old. Other kids being nasty, saying nasty things. Because you have to get the idea over to them that not everyone is nice, or not everyone is nice all the time, that you have to not be affected by it and we have been trying out the "don´t speak to me like that" and walking away, being assertive. It actually makes me sad, for some reason.

Not okay for any children to mean or rude though autistic or otherwise

Don't have that attitude that this is only the beginning and that your daughter will be a victim. She might have a different time at school. Teach her what to do next time that happens and to stand up for herself and be assertive.

Tbh I'm that parent that tells other people's kids off. Idgaf. I'd have told them all to get out the kids bit in the first place. I've told a group of kids to get out the youngest baby bit I wasn't even using because they were putting all the softplay equipment in the sensory room. Made them put it all back as it should be.

I'd have told them off when they were mocking him. And when the kid said that to you I'd have just said "what a horrible thing to say." And tbh I'd have also said to DS "DS those kids aren't very nice, come play over here for a bit please."

Kids need to know what is and isn't acceptable behaviour, how will they learn if we don't tell them?

Would that be because the well-brought-up middle-class children are all busy at home playing with their classic wooden toys and practising their chamber music, then? Honestly, what a snobbish overgeneralisation.

In the soft play centres we used to go to you couldn't see your kids from the café/seating area. They just ran off into a tunnel and disappeared up into the climbing frame structure! So you couldn't supervise them even if you wanted to.

Aside from that, older children should not be causing problems in the under 4s area and yes, parents should step in (if they can see them) but also there are staff there who should ask the older children to leave the area.

I am actually speaking from experience. I was threatened with violence at one soft play centre. The mother was clearly under the influence of drugs. I spoke to the manager and she suggested I leave because there was no way she had the resources to try and remove such a person. She escorted me to the bus stop and waited until myself and my dd's were on the bus. She handed me free vouchers for a return visit which I never used.
I wrote a complaint email to head office. They responded that they felt the manageress dealt with the problem well.

I pointed out how wrong it was that the innocent party had to leave, and questioned why they let in a drugged person into the premises that was full of children that was clearly under the influence? They said that not letting them in would be classed as discrimination.
I despair at what our country has become. Everyone has more rights except for a decent person. That is why I don't make a habit of going to softplay centres.

You should have just told them that they were annoying you, asked them if they were babies, and then told them to bugger off.

why be nice to nasty kids?

I agree with this.
"The bad kids" need often someone to tell them because sometimes noone has told them certain things before. Its not their fault. A bit of parenting to strangers children can do the trick. Its sad its needed.

Soft play areas are interesting. I have seen people get angry when the barman cut them off as they had four children between them around 7 -9 years old they were supervising. I have also seen people there on drugs.

A lot of people see soft play as a way of passing their parental responsibilities on to someone else and behaving however they please. I would have said as this is the baby bit and you are not babies can you go in the other bit please.

Soft play with a bar sounds dangerous. I've never been able to get more than a strong latte at Manic Monsters etc 🙂

Agree with a few other posters here and we're currently in this phase with DS, who is nearly 5.

How do you want him to respond to these situations, OP? Maybe that's a good starting point, then model the behaviour that you want him to exhibit when other kids are unpleasant towards him. We're trying to model calm, assertive behaviour. Not unkind, but also leaving the other kid in no doubt that you won't tolerate any shit.

DS has recently been coming home telling me that another kid in his class at nursery keeps reminding him that he's not his friend, doesn't like him etc. I found that quite shocking at 4, and we've had to have some conversations as to why you don't need to be around people who are mean. We've even practised some scenarios at home to help him.

I'm hoping that if I demonstrate assertion with calmness, it'll rub off. It's totally shit that you need to do this when they're so young, but I guess kids are like adults; some are dicks, unfortuantely.

There is nothing worse than slack parents who do not supervise their children in soft play etc. Your child did nothing wrong, the other kids are brats, clearly not their fault as their parents clearly haven't taught them very well or done any actual parenting. If the parents won't deal with them then a quiet word with staff about older kids messing about in baby area usually does the trick, oh and a very loud stage whisper whilst walking past the slacker parents about how some people are just not very nice people and not been shown how to behave by their parents!

That is absolutely NOT the purpose of a soft play and all soft play require you to supervise (not just babies).

Its not a creche... YOU are suppose to parent YOUR kids.

Imagine being the kind of parent to be proud to ignore your kid... god.

Yes if their child is autistic so can't follow safety rules like staying out of the designated baby bit when they are 6-9 years old where they could physically hurt someone and are known to be 'curt' with replies hurting peoples feelings then even MORE reason the parent should be right next to them to guide them correctly or damage control not ignore them.

My take on it is that you take your turn closely supervising when yours are young and then you can relax - bit still watch from a distance!
The parents should have told their kids to get out of the baby area.
The children are allowed to not want to play with your child and ask him to leave them alone - they should learn to do it politely though.

I still think the generalisation was excessive, but I agree that's appalling behaviour on the part of both the woman and the softplay centre. 😮

What do people think of these as example responses?

I think that is rude/unkind so I am going now
Don't be unkind/rude to me
Please leave me alone?

Where is this assertive line some of you have drawn?

If the older kids dont want to play with OPs kids then they should stick to their own age designated area and not bully younger kids

What is soft play ?

Soft play is horrible for pre schoolers u less you go in school time as parents often do this. Sorry you had a sh8t time

I doubt you’re missed

Nothing worse than other people’s kids. Soft play centres are the 7th circle of hell.

Ant farm for children, basically.