Should I have paid to get friends car cleaned?

[fantaorangeee]

Ok, so I don't personally think this was a big deal but that might be because I don't drive and my partner has an older car just to ferry the kids around. Interested to hear other people's thoughts nonetheless.

I made plans with a close friend last night to stay over at her house and have a night in. I went for a walk along the beach/dip in the sea beforehand and she picked me up afterwards as it was only down the road from where she lives. I jumped in the car and without thinking, I put my blanket/towel/bag on the back seats of the car. It's not a new car but it's new to her as she bought it around 3 weeks ago I think. It is quite an expensive car and has clearly been well looked after so I felt awful, as all my belongings were covered in sand. I hadn't realised what I'd done until I pulled everything out and the seats/floor were covered in the stuff.

I did apologise and offered to clean up but she said it was fine, although it clearly wasn't as when I came out of the shower she was outside cleaning the car. This was at 10pm. I told her I would have done it but she said no and told me she wouldn't be long. She must have been out there for around 20 minutes. She came in and said she'd have to take the car to be cleaned as it had all got into the seams of the seats and she couldn't get to it with a cloth. In all fairness she does live in a flat and has to park down the road so can't exactly get the hoover out. I told her I'd help her today but again she said no. She has suffered with ocd and anxiety since a young age and I noticed last night that she was extremely agitated, restless etc, presumably because of the car. She's like this with her house too.

She barely spoke a word to me last night and this morning was up walking around the house really early. I woke up around 9am and straight away she was asking me what time I wanted to be dropped off at home. I think she was rushing me to get out so she could take the car to be cleaned. Again, I apologised and offered to help clean up but she said it would need to be professionally valeted. I haven't heard from her since and it all feels very awkward. I spoke with my partner about it and he said maybe I should have offered to pay for it to be cleaned but I'm not working at the moment and I presume it would have cost around £40-£50 to be cleaned (it's quite a big car).

I understand it must have been frustrating for her and I'm usually a very clean, tidy person but it was an accident and I did apologise and offered to clean it up. Surely I don't deserve the silent treatment over this? And would you fall out with a friend over something like this?

AIBU?

It was a light hearted comment 🤪

Its relevant to me. Because, my kid
Makes a horrendous mess most weeks. Mud from shoes on seat. Cannot get professional clean weekly. Standards have dropped. Long past caring about a mess in the car

@Ruffpuff

it’s clearly quite a lot of sand. And probably salt water too. When I collect an ADULT from the beach I don’t expect them and their belongings to be covered in sand

@rainydaysandtuesday

ok that’s great for you. But not everyone’s standards have dropped. OP’s friend does not want sand in her car - op made the mess therefore she should pay for it sorting so that’s it’s as good as new.

Im obv in the minority but couldnt give a crap about a bit of sand in a car

Friend obviously did though. I would have offered to pay for the clean but wouldn't want to take a lift with her again

God only knows how precious she is about her HOUSE

@LuckySantangelo35

Not great at all but that's life. You sound fussy

Honestly I've never heard anything like it.

Admittedly I'm not too precious about my car, having kids it's always full of sand, crumbs, mud. I just give it a good vacuum once a month. I appreciate people with nice new cars like to keep them that way.

I find it extraordinary that she allowed sand in her car to ruin the evening with a friend.

If I was you I'd have offered her £15 to gave it vacuumed at a car wash, or offered her to bring it to your house to vacuum it. But I think that she behaved badly over a bit of sand.

I don't think not being fussy about a car means having low standards.

It's a car not your house. A car is left outside, your going to be getting in and out with shoes, it's left outside, it's going to devalue and will get knocks and dings from car parks.

But if a waste of life ruining an evening over some sand which can be vacuumed up.

Pouring pop onto someone's seat is another matter.

You were thoughtless but getting the car valeted because of some sand seems OTT. I would use one of those mini hand held vacuum cleaners (they don't need a cable because you charge them). Maybe she doesn't have one. I'd probably buy her one as a gift if she's going to get so stressed about her car!

Garage hoovers can be grim. First one I used, the smell of vomit from it when it started was awful so I didn’t use it

I went to another garage and didn’t even put cash in that one, it was filthy and broken. I went and bought a cordless hoover instead

OP as you say you were careless, you should pay as much as you can towards the valet.

@rainydaysandtuesday

cos I’d be annoyed with a grown adult bringing a load of sand into my car for me to clean up? Does that make me fussy? Ok, well fussy I am! 😊

Sand in the car is a HUGE crime.

(Mud I can cope with but not sand!)

Yes you should pay to sort it but paying £20 or more for a ‘professional’ to use a hoover is batshit. Couple of quid at the garage.

OP offered to clean the mess twice. Her friend refused the offer, but then continued to behave like a massive dickhead over it anyway!

Nobody needs friends like that. I'd say good riddance.

Perhaps she refused the OP's help because OP had just proved she knows nothing about how to treat an expensive car & is therefore the wrong person to restore said car to its former pristine condition?

Friend is not a 'massive dickhead' for worrying about her new car. Most people would worry about a new car. OP doesn't sound like much of a friend. In fact, where are the posters who normally descend on AIBU threads to say, 'You don't seem to like your friend/mother/SIL very much, & she probably doesn't like you'? This thread is an open goal & yet they're nowhere to be seen.

I'm unclear why sending her glitter in a card is so funny.

I wondered how long it would take.

to clarify, that’s because you have ocd, those without it (and I’m sure a few with it) realised that it was a joke about ocd. Nobody is actually going to send glitter in a card because that would be mean. We can however picture in our imagination pretend glitter in a pretend card.

@ifIwerenotanandroid

No, she's a massive dickhead not speaking to OP, making her feel uncomfortable and holding a grudge, despite the fact that OP had apologised multiple times and offered to clean up the mess.

Honestly I can't believe that grown adults behave like this. The car isn't damaged, it's got a few grains of sand in it and her friend is behaving like a 4 year old.

If i was that worried about sand im not sure I'd be picking someone up from the beach, its a fucking car, friends are much more important

Exactly.
I can never get over the way people on mumsnet go on about this kind of thing.
They make out that it's ok to treat your friend like they've been an absolute pest and piece of shit just for making a mistake.

And then the one who made the mistake is expected to pander and grovel to make up for the very small thing they did wrong.

I'm always amazed at how obsessive people are about cars

Some of these replies ... You'd think OP was covered in dog shit!!! It's sand.

Your drama lama friend doesn't need a 'professional valet', just a hoover, as someone pointed out, a couple of quid at a petrol station.

I could not be dealing with people giving the silent treatment over a bit of sand.... If you say to someone, no, it's fine, you HAVE to act like it is fine, can't stand mind games...

I'd be annoyed if you did this to my car and it's not new.

Just seems a 'don't care' attitude and like you've not respected her property.

You need to pay her. Don't ask her.
Pay £10 y to his week and £10 next week if need be but you're in the wrong.

@sunsetoranges How is it a 'don't care' attitude? She apologised profusely and offered to clean it!
Explain to me how you have interpreted that as 'don't care'?

How much apologising, cringing and appeasing do YOU need over some sand in your car?

I don't need any because I'm not an arsehole.

The sand won't come out with a £2 vac at the garage. It will have to be professionally valeted. However, she did know you were at the beach so she should've expected sand to get in her vehicle. I'd just offer to pay, I don't think a £20 valet will cut it either.
Wanting a clean house and vehicle is not ocd. Personally, my home and vehicle are kept spotless all yr round.

Why won't the sand come out with a vac or a valet?! We've got sand in our car many times and it hoovers up really easily.