not to share my table at outdoor cafe

[ShirleyEyeRosebud]

Went to my favourite cafe with my lovely dog for a relaxing Sunday morning brunch fry up.
All the tables were occupied, so we stood feeling a bit self-conscious waiting for about 20 minutes for a table to become free. In the meantime, a kind couple did ask if I wanted to share their table, but I didn’t want to disturb their relaxing morning so I said thanks for the offer but it’s ok.
So, eventually a table became free so I left my bag there to reserve it and went inside the cafe with the hound to order. When I was queuing up to order a woman asked if I had finished with my table so I said no I have just arrived. She then said are there many of you (obviously not) or can we share your table?
I said Sorry I have been waiting for a table and I would rather have it to myself.

AIBU?

You are being so unreasonable.
And leave your dog away from humans

YABU

There's lots of frothing about it being a table for six but have you seen the size of a standard picnic table? To fit 6 you would need to be on VERY close terms with the other occupants to feel even physically comfortable given you would be touching thigh or arse and at least one arm and if you don't know them it would be extremely unpleasant.

Even with 4 it's a little close but probably doable but this isn't a bloody big dining table with 6 nicely spaced out chairs!

Here's a pic of a STANDARD picnic table for reference with three people in it. Its fucking tiny and even with three it still means you have little personal space and I can see why the OP would be a bit meh about others joining her.

@mainsfed

And I never get posters like you, who don't read properly.

Not once have I been nasty to OP, nor have I asked for servility! What an odd idea.

I had said that initially she agreed she was being UR. OP was quite aggressive in her reply, saying I should at least get what she said right. So I quoted her reply as she asked - it differed by a word and I remarked on that.

If you'd read properly, you'd have seen that I expressed sympathy for OP's original position.

How on earth you can twist all of that into being nasty, and requiring servility, is beyond me. Perhaps you mixed up my posts 🤷🏻‍♀️

isnt that the point of posting a thread.
To get peoples opinion and then review your thoughts based on those

Yes. And most posters overall have come down on the side of OP being UR, and made points to that effect which she's strongly rejected, although initially she considered them.

😂😂 😂

It's a table built in heaven for those weirdos here who have no sense of personal boundaries and love snuggling up next to strangers, without consent.

I take it you don’t travel on public transport much @AnarchoTyrannosaurus? 😂

It's YOU who isn't reading properly, Earrings. Where did I say you were nasty to OP?

My point is OP has been calm in the face of hundreds of people being nasty to her, and yet YOU pick on OP, saying she's aggressive. What did she say that was aggressive?

You have a bizarre attitude.

I do. And I accept and consent that I will be sitting next to strangers as it's a totally different scenario.

I don't consent to having dinner with you though. Go find your own table.

Or they have and experienced the type of people who on an empty bus, train, etc, decide they want to sit next to you.

In which case you can move, can’t you?

Applying the concept of consent to sharing a table is illustrative of just how utterly bizarre society has become. I’m glad I won’t have to be around to deal with where it ends up.

Oh yeah, that has happened actually, the weird inappropriate passenger who ends up sitting half in my seat, or the ones that want to bore you to death with their boring tales.

It's true, you can move when on public transport. The same doesn't really apply when I sit at a table, order food, and then someone decides to come and squash up next to me at the table. Not so easy for the person who already has the table to just move. Unless they're happy to leave their food behind.

That's a standard four person table. Smallest I've ever seen. Not a six person.

Or they have and experienced the type of people who on an empty bus, train, etc, decide they want to sit next to you.

Like in car parks. The whole car park is practically empty and some weirdo comes and parks in the space right next to you. It happened recently where I pulled up in a space with no other cars anywhere near, parked, and before we could get out of the car, someone reverses in, right next to the passenger side, gets out and saunters off. DC now can't open the door to get out. I end up having to move the car 🙄 🤦‍♀️ 🤣 Seriously you weirdos without boundaries. Back off.

You really shouldn’t go to public places if other people doing completely normal things offend you so much @AnarchoTyrannosaurus.

I think the train/bus analogy is perfect here- if there's a fairly empty bus then people sit on separate two-person seats (usually). If it's busy, people sit next to each other and have to budge up.

Same as in a cafe, you assess the busyness and adjust your expectations accordingly.

That's why people transgressing these social norms (e.g. sitting next to you on a bus when there are spare whole seats elsewhere, or sitting alone in a busy cafe on Bank Holiday and people can't sit down) is so annoying.

Is it normal to park right next to someone in an empty car park, so close, that they can't get the door open? When there's a billion other spaces to choose?

Is it normally to sit next to someone on a train when there's loads of other empty seats to choose from?

Is it normal to invade other people's dinner tables, making them uncomfortable, because you're too impatient to wait for your own table, and you think you should be served immediately?

If you think those behaviours are normal, then you have a strange idea of what is considered to be normal. Maybe you should work on those poor boundary issues that you have.

I often find saying yes but please don’t talk to me works to deter.

If you wanted to sit alone I don’t really see a problem with it. They could just do what you did and wait for one to be free.
I don’t like sharing tables with strangers when I’m eating.

It's not normal though. Most people would wait to see if another table becomes free, they don't just plonk themselves on a table. Perhaps if it was very busy, with lots of people waiting for a seat, then it's acceptable to ask.

But in the case of OP, the newcomers got a table very quickly after OP declined sharing.

It's not normal. Logic flies out of the window when there's an opportunity to harangue a woman on AIBU.

Giving a wide beaming smile and patting the seat next to might deter too!

They were picnic benches so would seat 6 people.

I often go to cafes alone and I would never in a million years expect to have a six-person table to myself at a busy time. In an ideal world, yes, I'd like a table to myself, but it's not always practical. In your situation I would have sat at one end of the table and the couple would have sat at the other. It's not like they're going to want to chat to you. They'd have been no closer to you than a couple sitting at an adjacent table. I really like my own space and I'm very introverted but I think you're being absolutely ridiculous.