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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to share my table at outdoor cafe

1000 replies

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:26

Went to my favourite cafe with my lovely dog for a relaxing Sunday morning brunch fry up.
All the tables were occupied, so we stood feeling a bit self-conscious waiting for about 20 minutes for a table to become free. In the meantime, a kind couple did ask if I wanted to share their table, but I didn’t want to disturb their relaxing morning so I said thanks for the offer but it’s ok.
So, eventually a table became free so I left my bag there to reserve it and went inside the cafe with the hound to order. When I was queuing up to order a woman asked if I had finished with my table so I said no I have just arrived. She then said are there many of you (obviously not) or can we share your table?
I said Sorry I have been waiting for a table and I would rather have it to myself.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
Aeth · 29/05/2023 14:47

Hi (Tr)Ollie 👋 I am happy for you to report me and have MN verify my post history. 🙂 I am sure they can see my frequent name changes and whatever else they can use to confirm I am not OP.

In fact, if @MNHQ would like to look at my account to verify I am not the OP, please do. I am more than happy.

Callyem · 29/05/2023 14:49

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You queued and waited. They can queue and wait. Not your fault there are no smaller tables.

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 14:51

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 13:47

Update on table-gate :- arrived at gastro pub today with trusty hound in tow. Ordered drink at the bar and told barmaid I would be sitting on the small table for two in the corner (taking up the minimum amount of space possible). She said there is a nicer table for four if you want that. Luckily, there are some empty tables ATM, so not inconveniencing anyone.

Thanks everyone for your comments, it has been a real eye-opener.

Sounds fab. Hope you had a lovely lunch at your 4 seater table 😂

HeckyPeck · 29/05/2023 14:51

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 14:36

The vote is 50/50 atm

It only appears that way because you didn't mention that it was a picnic table for 6. Several people on this thread changed to YABU once they realised that it was a large table and not a two seater.

I voted YANBU and still think OP is not unreasonable.

Also it seems like a lot of comments saying YABU, but there are actually multiple posts by the same YABUers.

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 14:54

I voted YANBU and still think OP is not unreasonable.

Obviously not everyone thinks that the OP is unreasonable, that's evident, but there are multiple posts on this thread where people have stated that they didn't realise that it was a large picnic table and that that fact changed their opinion.

Whichwhatnow · 29/05/2023 14:55

You're completely fine OP. Part of going to a cafe or restaurant is the experience, it can be expensive so no, if I'm paying 15 or 20 quid I want to enjoy my food and any xompany I choose to be with. It's not just eating for sustebance's sake!

OneTC · 29/05/2023 14:58

Your continued responses ITT don't really chime with your supposed people pleaser claim in the OP 😅

LovePoppy · 29/05/2023 14:58

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 10:32

YABU. It's only fair to share tables especially large tables in busy cafes.

Fair?

no one was forced to go to the cafe.

Fair doesn’t come into it.

op you were fine

bluebird3 · 29/05/2023 14:58

Very unreasonable to refuse a party of 2-3. Ok to refuse 4-5 people. It's not an alone tax. It would have been rude as a couple to not allow another couple use of the other end.

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 15:01

Fair?

no one was forced to go to the cafe.

That includes the OP. If you can't handle the fact that a public place involves other people and isn't your own private little retreat then get take away/go when it's quiet/eat at home etc.

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 15:01

Your continued responses ITT don't really chime with your supposed people pleaser claim in the OP

More like a person pleaser i.e herself.

midgemadgemodge · 29/05/2023 15:03

It's not your table
It's the cafes table for people who buy food and drink there

So you are being very unreasonable not to share with other customers

DaysAndDays · 29/05/2023 15:03

I'm sorry some people are being so rude to you OP. People treat AIBU as a sport!
I'm afraid to say that it's another (polite) You WERE unreasonable from me. I would have quietly thought you mean and unfriendly if I was the person you refused. I wouldn't have said anything but I'd have thought it.

If they had sat at one end the table and you at the other it wouldn't have been like you were on top of each other.

RavenclawLuna · 29/05/2023 15:03

A table of 6 YABU

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/05/2023 15:04

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:30

They were picnic benches so would seat 6 people.

Show quote history

In that case you are being unreasonable.

Makemyday99 · 29/05/2023 15:08

This thread just goes to show how rude & unpleasant most people are so I would not have shared either especially if it is with someone else’s kid(s)

Ladysaurus · 29/05/2023 15:10

If they'd have sat at the opposite end and left me in peace. I wouldn't have minded.

But I do appreciate the wanting your own space and being expected to share. I am often a solo traveller and many times have been asked to share my table. I'm often sat with a cream tea and a book. Far too often I am disturbed from my quiet solitude and expected to socialise with these table invaders. It's infuriating.

CC4712 · 29/05/2023 15:10

The vote is skewed because you failed to mention in the OP- that you hogged a 6 person table all for yourself- and even refused to let the couple that ask sit there too!

Lifeinlists · 29/05/2023 15:18

Has anyone asked the OP what she would have done if the couple had just sat there anyway? They would have been perfectly fine to do so even after OP said no. The cafe owns the tables not the customers.
I like my own space too fwiw but it wasn't reasonable to bag a table for 6.

gogohmm · 29/05/2023 15:20

Well I'm currently at the pub and here if you have spare seats it's the done thing to share. Perhaps it varies around the country but we even shared in a restaurant (waiter seated us) the other day. They can't afford empty seats

whynotwhatknot · 29/05/2023 15:21

Youd be lucky in london to even be asked people usually just sit where theres a spare seat

LumpyandBumps · 29/05/2023 15:21

highlandspooce · 29/05/2023 13:22

@LumpyandBumps

If I go out for coffee and cake etc and pay much more than I would at home for these, I want to enjoy the experience.
If I am alone I feel uncomfortable sharing a table. I don’t have any particular form of anxiety, I just don’t like it.

Unfortunately if you want to eat alone and enjoy the experience your answer is not to go to busy cafes like OP did and expect to take up a space what can seat up to 5 other people. It's not difficult. I don't like being in lots of situations when I'm out and about but I make the clever decision not to put myself in them. If you have the need for a small table to dine alone you choose a place with small tables.

Unsure why you bothered to quote part of my post without reading the very next line - which says I would choose not to go.

phoenixrosehere · 29/05/2023 15:23

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 14:28

Maybe it does depend on location because it isn’t common place to ask to share tables where I live (coastal east anglia) and certainly not the done thing to sit on a table occupied by other people even if has the only free seats in the place.

Show quote history

It is definitely dependent on the establishment. I’ve been to places where they will tell you that tables are shared, will ask beforehand if you don’t mind sharing dependent on the seating set-up (booth with tables and chairs or longer tables with high chairs) if they’re busy or will sit people at whatever table is available regardless of your party size.

DRS1970 · 29/05/2023 15:25

My first reaction would have been not to want to share tbh.

notacooldad · 29/05/2023 15:27

Has anyone asked the OP what she would have done if the couple had just sat there anyway? They would have been perfectly fine to do so even after OP said no
I've added a couple of tomes but they haven't answered.

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