To find this deeply unusual and sad?

[ToTheMax0]

Met a 39 Yr old lady the other day at a small gathering at my neighbours.
I asked if she was married with kids and she looked embarrassed and said no to neither. Later on in the evening, she admitted she had never kissed a man or dated, nothing like that. Not assexual, just nothing has ever led her to a relationship and she's scared to date online but also, not entirely interested. She went to mixed schools but was teased for being ugly and then onto an almost all female college and university. Was never into the pub and club scene as a young woman either. Just find it sad for her.

You're not from round here are you?

From where? I’m not sure what you mean, I’m uk if that’s what you are asking?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

@Slimmer2018
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet

There's the amswer to your "genuine" question.

Thank you!

Great reply. Women can never win.

perhaps the site should change the name then as it’s very misleading for new members…

What I mean is that if you'd been here for more than five minutes you'd know this question is asked on here about four times a day and is rightly shot down by others as being narrow minded and silly.

This is a site visited by millions of people and being a parent is not a requirement. There are thousands of topics discussed on here daily for which parenthood is an irrelevance and a lot of non parents come on here because of the quality of the debate and discussion. Nor should it have any bearing whatsoever on a thread in which a poster is ghoulishly reposting fake pity about someone she doesn't know for effect or attention.

You don't have to be a parent to spot when someone is being a stealth grief vampire.

Wtf

You want the name of the site changed so you don't have to talk to people who don't have kids?

Maybe campaign so MNHQ should put some sort of trigger warning on the usernames of those without kids, or who have grown up kids, or who have children who have died so you dont have to waste time talking to them 🙄

You can't use your imagination a bit and have a guess?

I have a baby but I assume it's one of very few, if not only mostly female active space online which can appeal to those who don't have parents because of the many, many discussions and topics that have nothing to do with parenting.

It's also very possible that some came here hoping to be parents, it didn't happen for whatever reason and they stuck around because of the above.

But I find an 'oh god no, couldn't think of anything worse' usually shuts the nosy judgy bastards down quite quickly

------- I even had a psychiatrist ask me as they usually do as part of the routine first interview just to find out peoples life circumstances etc, ask me if I had children.

When I said no, she said 'Aww, it could still happen' (!) Totally treating me as an object of pity without even knowing what my own feelings about it were.

I find some of the parenting advice quite helpful when dealing with my feathered kids parrots.

If it wasn't for the sage advice of Mumsnetters, I feel certain at least one of them would be posting from the Stately Homes thread by now.

Why does it matter?

it is fairly normal to ask people if they are married/have kids but I think it would be great if people stopped doing it, for the following reasons

• potential for hurt/awkwardness as per comments above, people whose children have died/partners have cheated on them/feel awkward about their singleness/struggling with infertility etc
• if people want to discuss their families they will usually refer to them organically as the conversation progresses anyway, once they've done so i.e. indicated it's a topic they are happy to discuss, feel free to expand on it
• it's such a basic, boring question that is unlikely to yield any particularly interesting follow on

Genuine question.. if you don’t have children what are you doing on mumsnet? I thought it was a forum for mums? I’m not suing you shouldn’t be on here but just curious as to why that’s all

@Slimmer2018 I got linked here off a feminist board to the Trans Widows threads to read about wives' experiences for greater insight into the trans issues' impact on women.

After that I somehow got into the Relationships board, and of course, most women can relate to the threads there. They then helped me leave a very unpleasant situationship and recommended Freedom Programme to me (which I loved.) I still mainly read Relationships and AIBU.

Even threads about issues betweem mums, dads, kids, step parents etc aren't necessarily uninteresting to me because I can imagine myself in the OP's shoes, or I had a childhood and have life experiences etc. And I'm the sort of person who usually has an opinion on everything. 😂 Though often people rightly correct my ignorance.

Tbh you only have to read a few threads on here to realise she's probably happier than a lot of married women.

I agree.

Change it to

'FuckOffIfYouAreNotAMumsnet.

And then when you DO become a mummy, you must upload a scan of your a baby's birth certificate to prove you have child. If your baby is adopted, you must provide copy of adoption certificate. If you have married a man with children, you have to provide a copy of your marriage certificate, to prove they are officially your step-children.

Strong, new set of rules needed for these cheeky wimminz who don't have da babbies, having the audacity to come on here. I mean, REALLY! They're not even mummies. Rude!

*disclaimer I am taking the piss #sarcasm

How so?

What is it about child free people being on the site that is a down side for new members?

And prying about whether someone has a husband and kids is interesting? Spare me such conversations.

Yes.

"have you used your uterus? Or we're planning to?"

Zzzzz

I think slimmer2018 is deliberately demonstrating how tedious conversation can be when one focuses solely on marital status or whether someone has children!

some people are just incredibly dull and can’t make conversation. I have had many really interesting conversations in social settings with new people.

look at interesting conversation starters / not one of them involved quizzing people on their marital status or children!

the best conversation I had was at a wedding when an elderly lady asked me what was the most fun I had ever had - that led into a conversations about her travels in Australia and India when she was in her twenties! I had been to Australia so the conversation evolved from there.

i don’t know if she married or had kids - she didn’t know if I did - but we chatted for twenty minutes and she was great fun.

come people are good conversationalists and some are bad. Do you have kids is a bad question to ask a new acquaintance. Tell me about yourself is a better way to understand what makes them tick. Gos even ask about travel or books or favourite tv shows. People light up when you ask for recommendations: even talk about local restaurants.

It’s unusual for sure, but you get much sadder scenarios every hour on here.

@Slimmer2018

Any amount of time on here would tell you it’s a very general, mostly female site, with a certain degree of lean to parenting but that parenting is not the main topic on many threads.

The reason women who don’t have kids (and some men!!!) are on here is because there isn’t anything else like it. Again not hard to figure out.

The brand is quite well established so no, I don’t think it’s going to change its name.

A year without summer sounds like heaven to me …

To go through your life without ever having had a romantic love or relationship when you want one sounds awful

It could be worse. She could have thrown herself away on any number of the pissants whose antics are regularly enumerated on here by their long-suffering partners.