To find this deeply unusual and sad?

[ToTheMax0]

Met a 39 Yr old lady the other day at a small gathering at my neighbours.
I asked if she was married with kids and she looked embarrassed and said no to neither. Later on in the evening, she admitted she had never kissed a man or dated, nothing like that. Not assexual, just nothing has ever led her to a relationship and she's scared to date online but also, not entirely interested. She went to mixed schools but was teased for being ugly and then onto an almost all female college and university. Was never into the pub and club scene as a young woman either. Just find it sad for her.

I couldn’t disagree more with this.

There are many forms of love and the narrow perspective that the only acceptable way to love is in the sort of heteronormative relationship which you can parrot out at parties is so depressing.

Also I’m not saying single women are necessarily happier than married ones but there are so many things to celebrate about being single. Self reliance, independence, often better quality friendships. Freedom from the limitations of constantly servicing a partner.

Anyone who can’t understand that lacks imagination on an epic scale.

That's debatable, but if you genuinely do think it's incredibly sad, that's all the more reason not to put someone in the spot by interrogating them about their relationship/procreation "status" (and is certainly is seen as a matter of status by some people) within minutes of meeting them. Have a bit of imagination, for goodness' sake: talk about the food, the weather, compliment their outfit, ask if they live in the area, etc., etc.

You've misunderstood my post.

Being single is a valid choice and I can understand why many people may prefer it. But, I would find it incredibly sad to go through an entire lifetime never having experienced a romantic relationship or any form of intimacy. I would find that intolerable.

I have no idea why you determined my post to be heteronormative.

Could be worse. At least she isn’t stuck in a shit, or worse abusive relationship, because she’s financially dependent. That’s not “deeply unusual” apparently.

Absolutely this. And then, pitied and felt sad for afterwards. Clue - none. In fact, it would set off a wave of wonderful assumptions about his glorious travels, career or sporting achievements that he's prioritised instead.

Theres an entire realm of different experiences between

Never been kissed

To

Stuck in an abusive relationship

@madnessitellyou it's called conversation. Something many of your generation don't seem to quite get. That's what's SAD

Theres an entire realm of different experiences between
**
Never been kissed
**
To
**
Stuck in an abusive relationship

I know. I was just saying that that’s probably a worse scenario to be stuck in that’s all. * *

When I was single and late forties, I pretty much loved it all. Except for one thing. One thing that ruined it being an absolute blissful time. That one thing was knowing some other women were pitying me. (Ok, not the good ones, but still, some). Even, and this was really strange, even those in shit relationships. They'd regale me with all their woes about how miserable they were, and then bizarrely, look at me with pity when I said I was single?!?!?

Another time, a more general question would be 'do you have any family living around here'

It's pretty sad if the only thing you can think to converse with a woman about is her relationship status or reproductive system.

Questioning a stranger on either isn't the art of conversation, it's misogynistic, nosy bullshit.

You make it sound like all women should be trawling round clubs to kiss men.

Sorry, what @ThirstyThursday?

My generation? If we're talking sweeping generalisation here, how on earth do you know how old I am? Genuinely curious.

I'm actually rather good at small talk, thanks, but would never ask such intrusive questions of a stranger.

This!

Very intrusive questions to ask, as many others have said. It's ridiculous to assume she has an unusual or sad life because she doesn't fit into your version of normal. How ridiculous and narrow minded!

An equivalent example...my parents are dead, they died when I was relatively young. I was in my early twenties with no parents. I cannot tell you how often people would chat to me and assume my mum and dad were alive and I'd have to correct them and explain. But I see it as normal chit chat and small talk.

If you really can’t see this you shouldn’t be allowed out

@Thepeopleversuswork 😂

@Comedycook

I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I think in many respects women without husbands and children actually live more fulfilling lives unencumbered by romantic relationships and all the crap that goes with them.

They are way oversold and marriage in particular is a pretty raw deal for most women. Most of the time it’s a lot of work and a distraction.

Obviously you wouldn’t necessarily see this if you were permasingle in your 20s or 30s but I actually envy women who haven’t wasted time and had all their life force and focus leached away by men and looking after kids. I think single childless women have dodged a bullet.

That’s also rude. There’s just no excuse for that kind of rudeness.

@ThirstyThursday

Its perfectly possible to make conversation which doesn’t revolve around a woman’s marital status or reproductive status.

In fact it’s more interesting in my opinion. You might want to try it.

Single and childfree/childless is vastly different to never having even kissed someone.

Unless you're asexual, to live your entire life with zero intimacy, dating, romantic moments must be absolutely soul destroying.

I can see the positives of single life...I would hate to live my entire life without ever experiencing romantic love.

@Comedycook

I know what you mean and particularly because young people focus on it so much. It must be quite othering.

As you get older though you realise it rarely lives up to the hype.

As you get older though you realise it rarely lives up to the hype

I'm in my forties now and still think being in love is one of the best things in life. Casual relationships and dating can leave you with great memories too.

So you asked overly intrusive questions of a complete stranger.

Then had the ill manners to bring the results of the that conversation onto a public forum.

And you think it’s the stranger who should be embarrassed?

She "admitted" she has never kissed a man?

No, she just told you she had never kissed a man.

Odd to use the word 'admitted' when retelling this story to people, as if it's something you think she must be ashamed of.