My sister is a similar age to the woman at the BBQ and is currently going through a 3rd round of IVF. I really feel for her as I can’t imagine the amount of intrusive questions her and her DP receive.
I had our 1st DC in my early 20’s and then had a big gap between our 1st & 2nd DC. The amount of people that had the front to ask me why we wanted to start all over again (and still do), or even worst - a few random strangers who I had just met asking if my DC all have the same Father! Some people are just wild.
At a family funeral, our adult DD was asked when she would be having babies. She was in her early 20’s, had only finished Uni the year before and this nosey person didn’t have an inkling about DD’s relationship status. DD was open mouthed at that question.
I also encountered similar from people who queried when we would be having more children after DC1 even though these people knew that I was at Uni with a young child in tow and also working PT.
I was in my very early 30’s at a Family Planning Clinic appointment, having a pregnancy test and the Nurse told me off for leaving it too late to get pregnant. I just laughed and looked at her like she was crazy.
We had our 3rd and last DC when I was 39, so it is possible for some (if that’s what they want).
When I was 6/7 months pregnant with DC2, a previous Manager (male) asked me how long I was going to BF for! I told him 10 years! I’d like to share numerous other inappropriate and very clumsy faux pax made by him, but I won’t as I’d surely out myself on MN.
The following is not the same as being asked about marriage and children, but I’ll share it anyway because it’s linked to those of us who have had the misfortune of experiencing difficulties conceiving and/or carrying successful pregnancies to term:
Over a decade ago and before DC2, I’d had an antenatal appointment the day before which had not gone well. I was leaving a supermarket when the security guard smiled and shouted at me “Smile love, it won’t ever happen”. I stopped, walked back and told him that I was awaiting a miscarriage during the next day or so, and also added a few other choice words. His face dropped and his colleague, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him aside. I never saw him at that supermarket again. I’m sure he now thinks twice before shouting out that line to random women.
A previous older and wise male colleague had schooled me years before explaining that men who say this to women are sexist, as they would never say this to other men.
It’s all totally inappropriate, very rude and completely unnecessary. These rude people are literally asking strangers personal questions about their reproductive system, choices and their sex lives!
It also annoys me when people ask us how much we earn and how much we paid for our house, cars, holidays, etc. I’ll never understand why some people think other people’s finances are any any of their bloody business when it does not affect them!? They’re just too damn nosy.
I don’t give a shit if I offend people that have offended me, so I just tell them that we’re private people and we don’t discuss our personal business. In regard to questions about our house and our cars, I usually just laugh and ignore the question. If they continue to probe, I tell them to look it up on the internet if they really need to know and that tends to shut them up.
We’ve even had to tell our DC to trot out this standard response, as it seems nosey people have asked their DC to ask our DC how much we earn.