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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed DH sneaks his friends in EVERYTHING

116 replies

ivfregret · 28/05/2023 11:08

I like my DHs friends on the whole but he has to always see them they're involved in EVERYTHING.

It's really pissing me off.

This weekend alone they've made an appearance yesterday, this morning - he finds a way to involve them in everything despite he said he's not even feeling well.

In a weekend he often sees them 3 or 4 separate occasions, they often come to Meals with us, gym workouts I'm just fed UO with it.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Dinhop · 28/05/2023 11:10

My boyfriend also obsessed with us being with “the group”. Solidarity to you!

Allrightmylover · 28/05/2023 11:11

Have you actually said anything?

I wouldn’t like this either and I would class myself as very sociable and love having visitors.

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 28/05/2023 11:12

Sounds like he's got a severe case of FOMO
It would drive me batshit too

arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2023 11:13

That is really weird.
It's normal at the start of a relationship to make friends with partners friends, both sides, and to make new friends together.
But then you all become friends surely.
Are you saying they're still only his friends really? That's weird.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 28/05/2023 11:14

I assume you've spoken to him about this? What does he say?

Original poster
ivfregret · 28/05/2023 11:26

Yes I've spoken to him about this. He says he loves his friends and loves me and if I like them and they like me what's the issue?

He also sees it as though I should be privileged given that most men just bigger off with their friends and don't invite the woman and at least I'm 'accepted' into the group basically,

He also says that long term it's a problem if he can't see how friends as much as he's very sociable and it's my issue if I have a problem with it.

I'm less sociable getting older correct but I'm still fairly sociable

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2023 11:31

Are they all men or is it a mix?

MumblesParty · 28/05/2023 11:31

I assume you don’t have kids yet? I’d be talking to him about how he sees his life when kids come along.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2023 11:32

Ah, update, yeah - he doesn't sound very nice at all op.

KILM · 28/05/2023 11:39

I had one like this, in my case it was because he had chronic fomo and also couldn't be arsed to put any effort into the actual relationship

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 28/05/2023 11:42

He also says that long term it's a problem if he can't see how friends as much as he's very sociable and it's my issue if I have a problem with it.

It sounds like you're not very compatible, not that he's wrong as such.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 28/05/2023 11:45

So what is your role in his life? Is it bedmate, cook, contributor to household bills….but not the sort of friend who is sufficient on their own for any activity?

hmmmm

rainbowstardrops · 28/05/2023 11:45

Do you think that if there's more people around, as opposed to just the two of you, he doesn't have to make so much effort with you?
It would annoy me for sure.

wildfirewonder · 28/05/2023 11:49

He also says that long term it's a problem if he can't see how friends as much as he's very sociable and it's my issue if I have a problem with it. This would put me off, once I had kids I wanted to do family things.

Original poster
ivfregret · 28/05/2023 11:49

arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2023 11:31

Are they all men or is it a mix?

All men yes

OP posts:
Original poster
ivfregret · 28/05/2023 11:51

MumblesParty · 28/05/2023 11:31

I assume you don’t have kids yet? I’d be talking to him about how he sees his life when kids come along.

Correct! No children we are struggling TTC.

And you're exactly right I have no idea if we do have kids what that looks like

So now he has bought his friends BACK to the house - a different set when different ones were here an hour ago.

I could be naked or doing anything - I DONT want people coming into my house unannounced I've just fucking had ENOUGH!

OP posts:
Original poster
ivfregret · 28/05/2023 11:52

rainbowstardrops · 28/05/2023 11:45

Do you think that if there's more people around, as opposed to just the two of you, he doesn't have to make so much effort with you?
It would annoy me for sure.

Yes I think part of it is this. He does the same always Invites me out with his parents. So he doesn't have to make as much effort with them.

OP posts:
AmyDudley · 28/05/2023 11:53

You are entitled to enjoy your home and your weekend as much as he is, if that means you like some space to have your house to yourself or to do things just with your husband then he needs to accommodate your wishes. You have accommodated his needs, he needs to do the same and reach a compromise so you can both be happy. At the moment it is all his way or no way. and that is very unfair and selfish of him.

Radiat · 28/05/2023 11:54

I’m presuming his friends are single, and you’re all still fairly young?

I’d find this really irritating, it’s not a way I’d be happy living, with an open house. It feels like something I’ve long grown out of, and if my partner wasn’t on the same page it would really cause an issue.

JMSA · 28/05/2023 11:55

This would drive me nuts! YANBU. As with everything in life, balance is good. But the constant intrusion of friends - enabled by him - is complete overkill.

Nodinnernogift · 28/05/2023 11:56

How old are you both?

I had this in the past with an ex and it annoyed me a lot.

I had a much wider group of friends and more varied interactions with them. I didn't have any one friend that i would see every single weekend.

He was surrounded by the same three guys constantly. Like he'd get up on Saturday morning and go to pick them up. Then they'd be parked on our couch for the next 48 hours.

Annoying as hell. I'd be up working on something and there'd be a hungover man two feet away grunting and playing video games. Yuck.

rainbowstardrops · 28/05/2023 11:57

*rainbowstardrops
Do you think that if there's more people around, as opposed to just the two of you, he doesn't have to make so much effort with you?
It would annoy me for sure.

Yes I think part of it is this. He does the same always Invites me out with his parents. So he doesn't have to make as much effort with them.*

So he's a lazy arse then! I'd have to demand that he respects you and no friends back unless you've both agreed to it.
Like you said, you could have just come out of the shower and walking around naked ffs! He's not respecting your wishes.

Simianwalk · 28/05/2023 11:58

arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2023 11:13

That is really weird.
It's normal at the start of a relationship to make friends with partners friends, both sides, and to make new friends together.
But then you all become friends surely.
Are you saying they're still only his friends really? That's weird.

I disagree. I have some joint friends with DH but many separate ones. 23 years together!

Codlingmoths · 28/05/2023 11:59

perhaps you should pause ttc. Because when I had a tiny baby if Dh brought friends back instead of hightailing it home and rolling up his sleeves to help with the baby and house I’d have murdered him.

Babdoc · 28/05/2023 12:02

It sounds like he loves and prioritises these friends more than his marriage, OP.
Are you sure you want to have children with him? Because you will probably be raising them as a single parent while he continues his social life. He almost seems to be avoiding being alone with you.