Open to honest answers … my partner dislikes my relationship with my mother

[Rosieposey91]

Bit of background information… my parents separated when I was 3 years old. Super close bond with my mum. Best friends as well as mother and daughter.

my partner is a jealous type. Since the beginning of our relationship, hasn’t understood our closeness and would get aggravated if I text her when we was out together or if she checked I am ok etc if it was getting late.

we often speak several times a day. He is off work at the moment and he gets so angry when she calls or I call her. He calls me a baby and says I’m weird. I am not changing for him, I’ve always been like this with my mum and she has with her mum and I know a lot of families from my area who are the same (eastenders). He isn’t from the same area and he isn’t close with his family.

he said it’s affecting our relationship. That he wants me to cut back the time I speak to her. That we never even finish a film without her calling me. Why can’t she just wait until the end etc. I do get this point as sometimes I will say I am watching something and she still calls me before I’ve let her know it’s finished. Although she will say it’s only a quick question or that it’s late and she is going to bed. Then I feel stuck in the middle because I understand it’s frustrating for my partner when she can’t just wait until I’ve let her know the film is finished.

i do have some health conditions so she worries about me but she has also been able to just call when she wants regardless if I am watching a film etc I’ve never had a problem pausing it to talk to her. Am I in the wrong? He will sit there sulking and then not speak to me the rest of the evening and go upstairs and sulk without eating any dinner etc.

just wondered if people
could give some advise and whether I am right to not change my relationship with my mum? He also says she speaks over him but sometimes he talks for ages and admits he goes on and when she was over she wanted to ask something so she did. He then says it’s rude and no manners. I’m finding it all really stressful and because I’m used to my mum I don’t want to assume it’s him being funny when maybe I do need to put boundaries in place?

i am happy with my relationship with my mum. So it’s only my partner who is annoyed with it despite it not being his relationship and wants me to change even though it’s not affecting me.

thank you xx

Agree with this. Texting/ringing someone obsessively and being unable to get through a bloody film without doing it isnt being "close", it smacks of insecurity and a weird sort of familial control. Thats not "love".

Pretty judgemental , seems you are the arbiter what a close relationship is !

😂😂😂

I could get this if you lived alone , but surely she trusts your partner to tell her if you are unwell or worse ?
inesoect he feels why bother supporting you as your mum does it .

• expect

And looks like OP is expecting the same with her daughter when she grows up ,so probably will transfer this co dependency to her in the future .

Does your mother respect or like him ? How do they get on in person ? You haven’t mentioned how often you see her in person and it sounds like she does child care ?

how old are the children ? Sorry if I missed that .

can you clarify what “sort of people” you would accept advice from ?

Wouldn’t your partner either get up in night for the loo or if not he wakes in the morning. So wouldn’t he raise the alarm ?

Or does he never wake at night and you text before he wakes , so your mum is the one who would know somethings wrong ?

I just don’t get how your partners isn’t the one that would spot you had a. Cardiac arrest after the text and before the morning text ?@

Eastenders who regard not having ‘multiple times a day contact with their mother, including mid-film and good night texts once in bed’ as a sign people aren’t close to their mothers?

She posted that her mother cannot stand him. He has a gambling addiction and is cruel. You can click “see all” on the first post to read OP’s posts.

She is even closer to her mother because her DH is not very nice and because she has grave health problems.

Has this level of phone calls and texts happened since the diagnosis ?

if so, then it wasn’t the same with the last partners who were fine , although they are exes for some reason .

and if it’s always been this level, then it’s not the diagnosis as it’s always been how you and your mum are with each other and calls and texts .

Why aren’t you with the ex she loved then ?

Eastenders, of course!

In the cold light of day I’m highly suspicious of the OP. Funny how the “cardiac arrest” thing wasn’t mentioned until everyone told OP it wasn’t a normal relationship with her mother - there are no doctors, not even in today’s Tory-starved NHS, who would leave an “imminent danger of cardiac arrest at any time but especially after walking upstairs!” untreated in a young mother of two, just doesn’t make sense.

Still, it’s been very entertaining, although it’s a shame @Rosieposey91 has flounced off the thread, it’s not quite the same without her.

Norman Bates maybe?

I’d love to hear the partners version !

People that agree wither. Obvs.

I'm not entirely convinced that the Eastenders connection isn't a scriptwriter looking to exploit the most cliched representation of the East End for the representation of the most dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship as some sort of modern fable. This essentially being a fishing expedition to confirm the portrayed relationship will reach the required level of dysfunction obvious to any audience. Surely no one can think this is in any way normal or healthy.

People that aren’t being assholes about it are the ones she took on board. And who actually read what she wrote before jumping in to criticize.

My DH and I both gladly pause the tv for a minute if a family member calls or texts. Happens almost every time we watch tv.

I talk to one, often both of my parents for 15+ minutes daily, sometimes multiple times a day. He’s never once complained. He texts with my Dad as much as I do.

Her DH is just an angry man trying to isolate her. He’s not taking good care of her and is mad her mother is close to her.

Yes, I feel someone should be shouting ‘Leave it, Phil, ‘E ain’t worth it!’ on a slightly unconvincing pub set, and that some pearly kings and queens should appear dancing down the street in a background shot, speaking a Dick Van Dyke version of Cockney rhyming slang.

And echoing a pp who wondered why the OP wasn’t still with a previous partner whom her mother adored…

😀

My DH and I both gladly pause the tv for a minute if a family member calls or texts. Happens almost every time we watch tv

HOW annoying.

I talk to one, often both of my parents for 15+ minutes daily, sometimes multiple times a day

Would it not be easier to move in with them?

Hang on a minute.
If your mum is already asleep by the time you send her the "I'm in bed now" text, allegedly to stop her worrying that you had a cardiac arrest going up the stairs, she wouldn't see it (or not see it) until the morning.
So she wouldn't be raising the alarm anyway.

Jeez. None of this makes sense. Anyway, I bet your husband would notice your body before your mum noticed you hadn't texted her.

Do you not like your family?

I’m not not what percentage of people actually sleep through the entire night every night, but I sure envy them.

Her mother clearly doesn’t. Most older people I know rarely do. I don’t for other reasons.