Is this really unprofessional (music tutor)

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DS had an online music lesson booked yesterday at 4:30. We transfer the money during the lesson. Tutor didn’t ‘show up’. Then got a text at 5:10 ‘really sorry I got home from work and fell asleep 😁🙈 - can you do 5.30?’

DH and DS find this funny but I find it totally unprofessional! AIBU?

Unprofessional. It's a professional working relationship in which you are paying for a service at an agreed time. I wouldnt be amused at all and would be less amused at her finding it funny she fell asleep and using childish emojis to make a joke of it. Presumably your child was sitting waiting for the lesson to start and the teacher just didnt turn up? Shows a lack of respect for her business and your time in my opinion. However I run my own business as does my husband and we are careful to treat our paying clients with the professionalism their money deserves so maybe I have a different outlook to others.

Music teacher here. I've never fallen asleep because I teach during daytime and t
I don't sleep in the day. I have however forgotten a lesson. Can count on on hand now many times over the last 18years. I offered a free lesson on the next lesson and was super apologetic.

So, yes it happens. Some teachers teach as a side hustle to performance. Some, like me are just teachers. Perhaps look for someone whose sole purpose is teaching?

Pluvia · Yesterday 20:07

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

This is the feeling I've had, too, when employees/ freelancers I've commissioned to carry out jobs have failed to deliver or turn up and have said they fell asleep or they forgot or they were too busy doing something else. The message is that their time is more valuable than my job and that although they say they want to work, they want to do it on their terms.

Those saying would you prefer her to lie and not tell the truth are missing the nuance. Little white lies make the world go round. When she says she fell asleep and missed the session that your DS was sitting ready and waiting for, she's sending a message that her time is more important than his, she's so busy — with the corollary that he's lucky to have her attention at any time. Saying you were unavoidably delayed by traffic problems removes any of those overtones.

If she's so tired she's falling asleep prior to a lesson one might wonder whether she's in a fit state to give the lesson in the first place.

I apologise, I should have read the full thread where it was clear you have to fit around the teacher’s life all the time.

Pluvia’s response makes a lot of sense imo.

Typical muso...

But if they're a great teacher and your child is inspired and enjoying learning then I wouldn't stress over a one off thing like that.

I'd find it funny that she's so honest. Most people in that situation would choose to lie, so her telling truth would make me laugh.

I honestly wouldn't care that it happened either, as long as it was a one off. If it was a pattern and she was generally quite flaky I'd look for another teacher. But as a one off I'd shrug.

To be fair she is generally reliable and my son really likes her. Because we are both so busy we arrange a mutually convenient day and time on a weekly basis. I don’t want to look for another tutor right now as she’s preparing him for an exam in the summer, we are currently having two lessons per week. She didn’t feel he was ready for the exam but it’s important as his practical music exams contributes towards his private school fees so we agreed he would work harder and up the lessons.

She has been really helpful in the past driving to our house to replace a string or tune his instrument when it’s really out of tune as we can’t do it, so I’ll definitely keep her until the summer.

As our lessons are ad hoc weekly I transfer fees when the lesson takes place .

So you expect her to offer significant flexibility towards you, despite having at least two other jobs to work in, but still might get rid of her because of this one time?

If someone else posted your OP, and subsequent updates, what would your response be?

I think that is fairly amusing but obviously very unprofessional, as is the monkey emoji text. At least they were honest about the reason!

Bloody nora, I've done it - and once had to confess to a client that I was accidentally in Wales, in the car, with sporadic connection so couldn't do her remote session...

She has apologised, she has been honest (well one assumes, because thats not what I'd make up if I were lying!), and it sounds like she has done you some favours in the past so I think you are BU really - she's human after all, no ones perfect!

Honestly, she doesn't deserve a client like you.

On the list of MN problems I absolutely can't relate to, this is pretty high up there 🤣

Wow, she goes out of her way to tune/mend the instrument and you’re bothered she fell asleep once?!

As for her being busy- yes- she’s trying to juggle varied aspects of work, in an industry that suffered horribly during Covid.
You might not like it, but I’m guessing you’re about an hour’s work per week for her.

Definitely do her a favour and find another teacher, and yes, you are “that” mother.
Christ.

Why can’t you son replace strings and tune his instrument? That’s ridiculous.

It's not that easy to do it properly.

Yes that’s it the ‘country’s fucked’ because a woman fell asleep. Nothing to do with anything else, just that some people are human.

I played string instruments, started young. Yes, it is, if you’ve got a decent teacher.

Not if you're inexperienced or a beginner though, or just quite young. Also, it depends on the instrument. Both which instrument and the quality/type of the instrument - and old violin, not particularly well set up, would be harder to restring and tune than a really well set-up instrument with well-fit pegs, adjusters on, etc.

None of your other posts suggest this.
It was a genuine mistake
Let it go

How would you have coped with me. I work a two week cycle gardening so one week a 9am Monday I will be at A's house, next week B's, then A and so on. A couple of times I turned up at b rather than a...was that unprofessional?

On balance as an experienced instrumental teacher I agree that overall this sounds like a very good, committed teacher who is worth keeping on. The falling asleep was unfortunate but she was honest ( a big plus) and apologised and she the lesson took place slightly later than expected. Particularly with the OP’s last update about the forthcoming exam I think that, unless something similar happens very soon, let it go as a one-off.
To those concerned about sleeping during the day, I’m not saying it’s OK to miss commitments but bear in mind that musicians, by the nature of the job, work in the evenings a lot!

Another music teacher checking in. Like nearly all professional musicians, I have a mixture of performing and teaching (currently lucky enough to only have one or two schools per day, plus after school teaching fitted around my own child) but in the past have had up to 15 schools in the week.

I have absolutely come home from a day of school teaching/ driving around the county sticking to deadlines, sat down on the sofa for a couple of minutes and been woken by the doorbell announcing a one off home pupil who has booked in at a different from usual time. Fortunately this was pre-covid so the doorbell served as an alarm and after a quick shake down I was fine to teach. It's happened to me twice in a 30 year career - with different pupils - and I felt rubbish both times (and still remember them over 15 years on). One time I think I was rumbled, the other time I totally got away with it. If it had been a Zoom call I'd have slept through.

As a previous poster has said - we're working harder than ever at the moment after covid totally destroyed our livelihoods, and if your teacher is also a performer (she wouldn't be doing that if she wasn't a high level player) and teaching in schools all day, and you're demanding two lessons a week - not for the love of music but to get some other financial benefit, I'm not surprised she's knackered!

If you don't trust her or like her, please change teacher. It's horrible working with parents who are looking for any reason to complain that they're not getting their money's worth. It makes us feel even less valued by society than we do already!

At least she was honest

Whilst I value integrity and honesty very highly, I think in this instance a little white lie would have been more appropriate.

Professionalism overrules honesty (for me) in this situation.

That seems so odd to me. Isn't honesty part of professionalism?

So, yes it happens. Some teachers teach as a side hustle to performance. Some, like me are just teachers. Perhaps look for someone whose sole purpose is teaching?

I agree with this. I perform and teach. My teaching is not a side hustle, it's half of my income. I have two days a week which are reserved for teaching. I try to avoid taking on paid gigs on those two days. Sometimes it is unavoidable - it's very rare, once a year at most - in which case I offer the pupils a lesson on another day/time to suit them or refund them for a missed lesson (they pay in advance). Once those slots on the two reserved days are full I don't take on any other pupils who want/need weekly lessons as it wouldn't be fair to them to be trying to squeeze them in at a different time each week. I do take others sporadically who just need a one off lesson once in a while.
If this teacher's way of working doesn't suit then you would be much better off finding a different teacher who can offer you a fixed slot at a set time every week.

As for the message, if she's only fallen asleep once I'd let it go, but I do find the tone of the message unprofessional and she should have phrased it better without the emojis - especially that bloody monkey one.