Page 3 | Is this really unprofessional (music tutor)

Appletreess · 2023-05-27T10:22:43+00:00

DS had an online music lesson booked yesterday at 4:30. We transfer the money during the lesson. Tutor didn’t ‘show up’. Then got a text at 5:10 ‘really sorry I got home from work and fell asleep 😁🙈 - can you do 5.30?’ DH and DS find this funny but I find it totally unprofessional! AIBU?

MatildaTheCat · 27/05/2023 12:31

I have a weekly(ish) music lesson and we are both super relaxed about our lesson times. Remember this can work in your favour too. This time she’s slightly messed up. Next time it might be you. Most teachers are really strict about charging for missed lessons or really inflexible. Maybe this one will be willing to work around you occasionally.

The wording of her message is irrelevant. Had she lied/ begged for your forgiveness the situation is unchanged. DS had his lesson an hour late.

MostNormalWomaninBritain · 27/05/2023 12:36

“I'd wonder how adult/ professional she's likely to be in other aspects of her work”

Why? Are you likely to hire her?
Have people never overslept and been late for something? She’ll be embarrassed, but what’s done is done. She gave you the lesson. Let it go.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 27/05/2023 12:38

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:24

But surely if you have work booked in and are likely to fall asleep you set an alarm?

Show quote history

It's a bit of tutoring on the side. It's not Head of Year in a huge secondary school not turning up.

PyjamaFan · 27/05/2023 12:39

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:32

Maybe it would have been better to apologise and say she was caught in traffic or something?

So you would rather that she lied? Wouldn't lying me far more unprofessional?

Weird.

LakeTiticaca · 27/05/2023 12:40

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:40

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

She may have a busy schedule etc but none of that is your problem. As a one off I would let it go but if it happens again bin her off.

RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 27/05/2023 12:46

Get your judgy pants out of your vulva, OP.

7eleven · 27/05/2023 12:46

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:32

Maybe it would have been better to apologise and say she was caught in traffic or something?

How odd that you’d rather she lied.

Pluvia · 27/05/2023 20:07

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

This is the feeling I've had, too, when employees/ freelancers I've commissioned to carry out jobs have failed to deliver or turn up and have said they fell asleep or they forgot or they were too busy doing something else. The message is that their time is more valuable than my job and that although they say they want to work, they want to do it on their terms.

Those saying would you prefer her to lie and not tell the truth are missing the nuance. Little white lies make the world go round. When she says she fell asleep and missed the session that your DS was sitting ready and waiting for, she's sending a message that her time is more important than his, she's so busy — with the corollary that he's lucky to have her attention at any time. Saying you were unavoidably delayed by traffic problems removes any of those overtones.

If she's so tired she's falling asleep prior to a lesson one might wonder whether she's in a fit state to give the lesson in the first place.

JonahAndTheSnail · 27/05/2023 20:42

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

If she's very good at her job and in demand it's likely true that she's very busy. As a one off, for a skilled teacher, it wouldn't overly bother me. If she makes a habit of it, you probably should probably look at alternative options. On the flip side, it gives you a 'get out of jail free card' for the future, should something crop up last minute and you need to reschedule a lesson.

Jourdain11 · 27/05/2023 20:49

It was a mistake; she apologised and offered another time. It's no big deal.

Chickenkeev · 28/05/2023 03:43

Pluvia · 27/05/2023 20:07

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

This is the feeling I've had, too, when employees/ freelancers I've commissioned to carry out jobs have failed to deliver or turn up and have said they fell asleep or they forgot or they were too busy doing something else. The message is that their time is more valuable than my job and that although they say they want to work, they want to do it on their terms.

Those saying would you prefer her to lie and not tell the truth are missing the nuance. Little white lies make the world go round. When she says she fell asleep and missed the session that your DS was sitting ready and waiting for, she's sending a message that her time is more important than his, she's so busy — with the corollary that he's lucky to have her attention at any time. Saying you were unavoidably delayed by traffic problems removes any of those overtones.

If she's so tired she's falling asleep prior to a lesson one might wonder whether she's in a fit state to give the lesson in the first place.

Sorry but this is the most overdramatic post ever. It's a simple sitiation, there's a simple answer. All good, not a bother. No need for frothing.

JandalsAlways · 28/05/2023 03:48

Very unprofessional and I wouldn't be impressed at all. Probably would let it go as a one-off of they are good at their job and DC likes them

SnotSnotSnottySnot · 28/05/2023 03:57

I'd have said "Ha! I appreciate your honesty, see you atb5.30!"
Then let it go without another thought.

Chill out, dude

suburbophobe · 28/05/2023 04:09

Yes. Unprofessional.

MerryMarigold · 28/05/2023 04:17

My first thought was, "Well it's great she didn't lie!"

Not the most professional behavior but I'd certainly rather know the truth (and be able to trust someone) than have every lesson spot on schedule. Clearly you're someone who values 'professionalism' over trust.

Your sound quite unforgiving OP and lacking in an ability to let things go if they're not up to your 'standards'. I'm hoping it's only with the music teacher rather than anyone closer to you - because I think it could be hard to be around.

suburbophobe · 28/05/2023 04:22

Yes... Chill out, dude

Except that most people have a tight schedule to adhere to...

Work, kids, family life a husband, partner not pulling his weight, school, transport shit, house(work), aging parents to worry about/take care of, eating every day and shopping for it..
AND trying to fit in a social life for some much-needed down time....

Indeed, chill-out time is important!

EllandRd · 28/05/2023 04:24

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:32

Maybe it would have been better to apologise and say she was caught in traffic or something?

So you would like her to lie? Get over it

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 28/05/2023 04:24

I have a friend who is a peripatetic music teacher. They earn very little for the amount of time and effort they put in, often travelling to 2 schools per day. On hand for every school’s concerts and rehearsals. Teach in the evening and weekends, do gigs at weekends to make ends meet. And all while being a parent with schoolchildren. Give her a break.

chrystlha · 28/05/2023 04:36

Of course you're not being unreasonable. I don't get why you'd ask. It's so unreasonable of the tutor that it's funny but I don't suppose you would find it funny having arranged it, having made sure your child was available and having paid for it. The reason blithely trotted out seems TTP.

WeekendInTheBoondocks · 28/05/2023 04:42

majority of responses are v weird. Obviously it’s unprofessional to fall asleep when you have a professional commitment 🙄

I have occasionally slept through my alarm. The horror I’ve felt upon waking! Dreadful feeling, I certainly wouldn’t be sending my boss texts with emojis as if to say ‘what am I like’. The tone of my text would be earnest and apologetic. As it should be. Your son isn’t his tutor’s bessie mate, she’s someone he is paying to provide a service.

Achwheesht · 28/05/2023 05:44

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Fraaahnces · 28/05/2023 05:47

Did she offer to refund the payment? I would insist upon that if you have to pay her 24hrs prior, then she should have the courtesy of “showing up”. What are her T&C’s if she fucks up?

greyhairnomore · 28/05/2023 05:51

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:32

Maybe it would have been better to apologise and say she was caught in traffic or something?

Lie ?

InsomniacVampire · 28/05/2023 07:09

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:40

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

We used to have a nanny who would come up with the most contrived excuses, and I thought Id rather she was telling the truth in the end.At least she didnt lie to you, which I think is not necessarily a bad thing. Id be annoyed, but she offered to do the lesson straight after, not let's say the next month.

Changechangechanging · 28/05/2023 07:12

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:40

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

What is it you want from this woman, exactly? You sound incredibly hard work. I hope she's on here and drops you like a hot stone. She made one mistake, 'fessed up and offered a solution. What more do you want?