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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this really unprofessional (music tutor)

132 replies

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:22

DS had an online music lesson booked yesterday at 4:30. We transfer the money during the lesson. Tutor didn’t ‘show up’. Then got a text at 5:10 ‘really sorry I got home from work and fell asleep 😁🙈 - can you do 5.30?’

DH and DS find this funny but I find it totally unprofessional! AIBU?

OP posts:
neonjumper · 28/05/2023 07:19

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:40

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

You sound like a whiny partner .
What you're upset about is that she wasn't giving you a gushing apology so that you felt the centre of their world .

This is more about you personally than their unprofessionalism ( you didn't like the fact they didn't engage your game playing and are confident in expressing the truth about why they were late ).

DollyParkin · 28/05/2023 07:21

I’d have been annoyed and consider it unprofessional.

BUT

You should be paying for lessons in advance.

DollyParkin · 28/05/2023 07:23

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:40

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

Of course her time is valuable. She’s not your servant.

ButterCrackers · 28/05/2023 07:25

Ask for a refund and say that you’ll be paying after the lessons from now on.

AbreathofFrenchair · 28/05/2023 07:27

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:22

DS had an online music lesson booked yesterday at 4:30. We transfer the money during the lesson. Tutor didn’t ‘show up’. Then got a text at 5:10 ‘really sorry I got home from work and fell asleep 😁🙈 - can you do 5.30?’

DH and DS find this funny but I find it totally unprofessional! AIBU?

What was your response?

She could have made any excuse. What would you have done if she had said her last pupil overran and logged on late or her computer was playing up?

If it has bothered you that much, give her notice and find a new Teacher, or stick with face to face lessons

AbreathofFrenchair · 28/05/2023 07:32

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:40

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

Did you make it clear to her when you started with her that your half hour/hour lesson that you pay for meant she shouldn't be prioritising anything else or doing anything else with her life.and she readily agreed?

No? Then get a grip. Many people who give music lessons are in bands or orchestras etc and are perfectly entitled to do so and have commitments to those too, even if they aren't being paid for it.

She was half hour late for one lesson, was honest about and you want her publicly flogged.

TeaYarn · 28/05/2023 07:34

Very unprofessional. Can’t believe people are excusing it. Maybe they are the sort of people who sleep during their working day. Are you so relaxed with your own team if they sleep during their working day? No wonder the country is fucked.

Hellocatshome · 28/05/2023 07:36

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:32

Maybe it would have been better to apologise and say she was caught in traffic or something?

So you would prefer she lied to you?

AbreathofFrenchair · 28/05/2023 07:38

Pluvia · 27/05/2023 20:07

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

This is the feeling I've had, too, when employees/ freelancers I've commissioned to carry out jobs have failed to deliver or turn up and have said they fell asleep or they forgot or they were too busy doing something else. The message is that their time is more valuable than my job and that although they say they want to work, they want to do it on their terms.

Those saying would you prefer her to lie and not tell the truth are missing the nuance. Little white lies make the world go round. When she says she fell asleep and missed the session that your DS was sitting ready and waiting for, she's sending a message that her time is more important than his, she's so busy — with the corollary that he's lucky to have her attention at any time. Saying you were unavoidably delayed by traffic problems removes any of those overtones.

If she's so tired she's falling asleep prior to a lesson one might wonder whether she's in a fit state to give the lesson in the first place.

That's a hell of a lot of dramatic speculation there!

The situation was unfortunate, but also a one off so far and she was honest and the lesson happened.

I hope the Music Teacher reads this, recognises herself and let's the pupil go themselves.

GabriellaMontez · 28/05/2023 07:42

TeaYarn · 28/05/2023 07:34

Very unprofessional. Can’t believe people are excusing it. Maybe they are the sort of people who sleep during their working day. Are you so relaxed with your own team if they sleep during their working day? No wonder the country is fucked.

Yes. This is definitely the reason the country's fucked. 🤣🤣

TenoringBehind · 28/05/2023 07:45

If it’s a one off I’d think nothing of it, and be pleased they’d told the truth rather than made something up.

saraclara · 28/05/2023 07:45

So falling asleep and missing a lesson is unprofessional? (Well yes, a bit. Probably about 3/10 on the scale)

...yet lying IS professional? No, lying is 10/10 unprofessional.

Your moral logic is bizarre, OP

HeidiUpTheMountain · 28/05/2023 07:52

She probably thought that after several successful months of tutoring your child, you had built up a reasonably good relationship, and she could be honest with you. More fool her, eh, OP? You couldn’t possibly be that easy with the hired help.

Just because you are paying for her time, she doesn’t stop being a human. This could have been laughed off in minutes, and you had the option to take the lesson an hour later, or not. If it has made you this unhappy, then stop the lessons. All the power is with you here. But you do sound as though you could do with unclenching a bit. Some give and take goes a long way in this world.

JaninaDuszejko · 28/05/2023 07:57

My response would vary depending on the impact it has on me. So, how much effort did you have to go through to ensure your DS was at his lesson on time and how much effort was it to you to reschedule? I'm assuming since it's an online lesson not much at all. So I'd not be too bothered. If you'd had to drive half an hour to a different location for a face to face lesson that's completely different and I'd want some financial recompense.

VerityUnreasonble · 28/05/2023 08:05

TeaYarn · 28/05/2023 07:34

Very unprofessional. Can’t believe people are excusing it. Maybe they are the sort of people who sleep during their working day. Are you so relaxed with your own team if they sleep during their working day? No wonder the country is fucked.

If one of my team was late because they overslept I would think very little of it. They would make up the time.

If they told me they fell asleep during the middle of the day or were oversleeping regularly, then I would be concerned for their well-being and want to check with them if they were OK. My team is made up of humans, who I like, not robots, and I find treating them like humans works quite well for productivity.

Yellowdays · 28/05/2023 08:05

A fuss about nothing.

TeaYarn · 28/05/2023 08:13

VerityUnreasonble · 28/05/2023 08:05

If one of my team was late because they overslept I would think very little of it. They would make up the time.

If they told me they fell asleep during the middle of the day or were oversleeping regularly, then I would be concerned for their well-being and want to check with them if they were OK. My team is made up of humans, who I like, not robots, and I find treating them like humans works quite well for productivity.

Show quote history

But Susan didn’t show up until 11:30 and you know she had a client meeting at 10! She can’t make the time up at the end of the day because she has to pick her kids up!

And Brian was asleep because he was drinking at lunch…. Again.

Honestly it’s like you don’t take this job seriously anymore.

Maybe you take MN a bit too seriously. Anyway I look forward for your reply about how much of a laugh you are. Enjoy your weekend 😗

CloseCurledLeaf · 28/05/2023 08:17

You don’t sound as though you will ever be happy with this tutor.
They apologised, told the truth, and were only an hour later than planned, they didn’t cancel.
A tutoring job, whilst important to them, would not be enough to survive on, you are being very unreasonable.

pizzaHeart · 28/05/2023 08:18

Pluvia · 27/05/2023 20:07

I feel that she thinks her time is more valuable than ours. She’s always got ‘such a busy schedule’ with rehearsals, gigs and school teaching it’s like we don’t matter

This is the feeling I've had, too, when employees/ freelancers I've commissioned to carry out jobs have failed to deliver or turn up and have said they fell asleep or they forgot or they were too busy doing something else. The message is that their time is more valuable than my job and that although they say they want to work, they want to do it on their terms.

Those saying would you prefer her to lie and not tell the truth are missing the nuance. Little white lies make the world go round. When she says she fell asleep and missed the session that your DS was sitting ready and waiting for, she's sending a message that her time is more important than his, she's so busy — with the corollary that he's lucky to have her attention at any time. Saying you were unavoidably delayed by traffic problems removes any of those overtones.

If she's so tired she's falling asleep prior to a lesson one might wonder whether she's in a fit state to give the lesson in the first place.

I completely agree with this. And I’m surprised that people consider it a laughing matter. I wouldn’t stop lessons for this alone but it would put me off.
The reply sounds a bit a matter of fact and not apologetic enough, it gives “ it happens“ vibe rather then “Being late was very wrong of me and I sincerely apologize“ vibe.

It might also mean that something going on in her life like health issues or pregnancy or family difficulties and that at the first glance wouldn’t affect you but in reality it would e.g she would stop lessons soon and you would need to find another teacher.

VerityUnreasonble · 28/05/2023 08:21

TeaYarn · 28/05/2023 08:13

But Susan didn’t show up until 11:30 and you know she had a client meeting at 10! She can’t make the time up at the end of the day because she has to pick her kids up!

And Brian was asleep because he was drinking at lunch…. Again.

Honestly it’s like you don’t take this job seriously anymore.

Maybe you take MN a bit too seriously. Anyway I look forward for your reply about how much of a laugh you are. Enjoy your weekend 😗

Show quote history

A whole fucking barrel of.

You too! 😘

towriteyoumustlive · 28/05/2023 08:22

Appletreess · 27/05/2023 11:32

Maybe it would have been better to apologise and say she was caught in traffic or something?

So you'd rather she lied?

She was tired and fell asleep! She was honest and admitted it which is the correct thing to do!

You're making quite the mountain out if a molehill here!

Either you like the tutor or you don't. Sounds like you don't and are looking for reasons to get rid.

Murdoch1949 · 28/05/2023 08:22

She was truthful, if it's a one off just let it go. Who knows what made her extra tired, a virus, a stressful day, a night of rampant sex (hopefully).

darjeelingrose · 28/05/2023 08:23

This would irritate me too. Yes, people make mistakes, but my time is important as well. I'd let it go if it was the first time, but all those going "oh it's not so serious" who would you actually accept this from in life? That you were paying? Would you yourself go to bed without setting an alarm if you had an appointment? Who is it ok to keep waiting for 40 minutes in your life?

I would also find it weird that people found it hilarious. It's not so much that it happened, as the reaction of the DH and the DS that I'd be surprised at. It's not actually hilarious, is it?

darjeelingrose · 28/05/2023 08:25

Oh and ignore people saying you are making a mountain out of a molehill. They're being ridiculous. You are allowed your reaction, and to feel that it is not very professional.

ScrollingLeaves · 28/05/2023 08:34

Appletreess · Yesterday 11:32
Maybe it would have been better to apologise and say she was caught in traffic or something?

I think the honesty is impressive in fact. It may be a sign of her integrity more generally. This may come through her musicianship, and her teaching too.

Unless she is always chaotic, I would keep her as a teacher.