To be pissed of with this re sleeping arrangements?

[shestakingtheurine]

I'm going to a friends hen do at the end of June. I have known this friend since I was at secondary school so we have developed different friends over the years so I'm only vaguely familiar with the other ladies going. The maid of honour has done all the booking and is now asking for the money for the accommodation she's booked except she's sent link to the air bnb she has booked and it's only got three bedrooms and three double beds for seven people. I questioned this if she had made a mistake or are we supposed to be sharing beds and she said yes. Aibu to not want to share a bed with a virtual stranger? Would you pay up or back out? I feel like I've been put in a difficult position now as if I don't pay the others price will go up so I can't even find my own accommodation. I honestly feel sick.

Her fault for paying for all till all have agreed

I would want proof of her paying /booking

And yes if 6 is maximum they won't allow 7

You need to talk to bride. Yes her hen may be a surprise but equally she needs to know her hens are happy and you aren't

Unless you say to her - I'm sharing a bed with you as moh has booked 3 double beds

Well surely that's her look out for not booking enough rooms/beds.

I can see it might be difficult to get everyone to agree so not bothering to consult if location agreed.

I would have thought own bed was a given though!

Yes you only have yourself to blame now

Nightmare!

Well this is why she should have checked but also why I have sympathy. For you your own bed is a given but for someone else budget might have been the main thing, and if she'd booked accommodation where everyone got their own room (realistically would have to be a hotel so then means higher food and drink costs) someone else would be ranting about how selfish and inconsiderate she is. Which is why I would never organise one of these again.

OP, I was just wondering if you've had any previous problems with MoH in the past? You mention you've known the bride for years and have vague interactions with the others. Are the others all a close friendship group? I'm wondering if they booked for 6, hoping you'd pull out.

Stick to your original concerns, and ask what the sleeping arrangement plan is for 7 people in a 6 sleeping space via the group chat. Surely, this is the least you're entitled to know before stumping up the cash.

Surely that's agreed in advance tough?

I can see that not everyone might stretch to own room but if I was expected to share a bed I'd want the opportunity to decline!

I’d hate that, probably wouldn’t go.

That is why these events are so bloody awful!

One person gets to make all these crap decisions and everyone else follows like sheep. And secretly hates it.
No way on this earth would I pay £100 to sleep on an air bed. Just tell her you are not happy with the sleeping arrangements you are a very private person and you didn’t realise you wouldn’t have your own room. Tough shit if she’s paid, she should have asked you all first.

You can attend the day activities if you want to be kind….. and message the bride to say you won’t share a room but will come for the day.

You don’t owe the organiser anything…

I’d ask the bride if you can share with her.

That’s her problem!
She shouldn’t have paid for it. There are not enough beds for everyone, it’s the wrong property and because there are 7 of you there is a chance you will be turned away. And the money forfeited. Just post back this is no good for us it only sleeps 6 you need to find somewhere else.
Stop accepting this crap

Yes, I agree that she should have shared the link before she booked. Though if she had I guarantee that a) a conversation would have ensued that went around in circles for so long that the accommodation was gone anyway OR b) no one would have looked at it and then moaned when they turned up.

At one of these I organized I sent people a choice of three. A couple of people declared that they were all rubbish for the money and that they would find better alternatives. A week went by, they had gone silent, I enquired and was told 'oh, we'll just go with one of yours' (so I guess it turned out you couldn't get accommodation for 11 in a seaside destination not of my choice in peak season that was both cheaper and better than I'd found! Who knew!) at which point only the worst option was left and then people sniped about it throughout the stay.

As I said, never again!

This in a nutshell really. It's not something I would fancy, but it IS only one night, and it will probably end up being really good fun!

As you say, organizing a hen do - especially where people are staying over, is a nightmare to organise, because there is ALWAYS someone who complains. Getting 3 double beds for 7 people is a bit odd though I do have to admit. I would probably have sucked it up for one night though.

@Wexone That was mean of the hotel your sister booked to not let her put balloons and decorations in the room before she got there! That is what everyone does AFAIK. How odd to not allow it.

My niece's friend booked a large holiday cabin for 12 people for their hen do (in Scotland,) and they all had a bed each. The bride and MOH shared a double, but they are BFFs for over a decade, at uni together, and are like sisters. The others had single beds and Z beds and a couple of inflatables that the cabin owner put out for them.

My niece's friend and 2 others went down the day before in the car, and prepared everything for when my niece and the others went. 2 nights, 3 days, it was brilliant. I wouldn't bother with a hotel for a hen to be honest. I would rather book accommodation where it's 100% yours to do whatever you want with, and no-one else is there IYSWIM.

Looks like you're doing it anyway @shestakingtheurine Hope you enjoy it! I am sure you will.

shestakingtheurine · Today 09:33

She's already paid for it so i'm going to be mighty unpopular if she doesn't get her money back and everyone else's price goes up

not your problem though is it? She should have discussed arrangements and got everyone’s agreement before booking 🤷‍♀️

Do you have a way to communicate with the rest of the group yourself?
Have you spoken to the bride about this?
How long till the event?
Would you be willing to do some of the work involved in researching alternative accommodation?

YABU to assume that you have to hand over money today, and that if you don't the MOH will be left £1200-1400 out of pocket. She doesn't sound very intelligent/ thoughtful, but chances are that she could still get a % refunded if she cancels this booking now.

Yes, I agree that she should have shared the link before she booked. Though if she had I guarantee that a) a conversation would have ensued that went around in circles for so long that the accommodation was gone anyway OR b) no one would have looked at it and then moaned when they turned up.

Probably yes!

But if there was a limit on money that meant bed sharing it's perhaps time to adjust expectations as to what can be done!

Not sure if the bride wants a weekend away at all costs or if would rather something different that everyone can afford & is happy with!

"Are the people saying no worried that they will do something in the night or the person that they’re sharing the bed with will?"

Oh, FFS. 🙄

I suspect that the posters who say this is what you should expect at a hen do or think that those of us who wouldn't share are far younger than I am. I would have done this 40 years ago, but at 64 I want my privacy and I also respect other people's privacy.

The last hen do I went to was in 1998 when the norm was a meal out and a few drinks in the local town. All of my friends are either married, divorced or widowed, so I don't get invited to hen dos these days. Having said that I have been invited to a work colleague's hen do which is afternoon tea at a local stately home with a cost that isn't going to break the bank.

Organising a hen is actually hugely stressful and sorting accommodation to fit everyone’s budget/wants and activities everyone enjoys is incredibly hard

@Divamuffin That's because you are making a rod for your own back by having such a complicated and expensive hen do. This is why you get drop outs as costs spiral or people find out that they are sleeping in a dormitory. How many hens actually enjoy "activities? How many enjoy wearing matching T-shirts/pyjamas?

Hen dos are getting more and more ridiculous interms of cost and content, and people need to put their foot down and say "that doesn't work for me"

I don’t understand why so many people are against it, it’s just sharing a bed with another woman. Are the people saying no worried that they will do something in the night or the person that they’re sharing the bed with will?

I don't understand why you don't understand @TallerThanAverage.
Basically because they just don't want to. And £200 to rough it is ridiculous.

@shestakingtheurine just woman up and say you aren't going. Quite frankly the whole thing is just ridiculous and I really don't care that it will inconvenience the others.

She's already paid for it so i'm going to be mighty unpopular if she doesn't get her money back and everyone else's price goes up

Tough. She should have thought about that before making a booking without consulting the rest of you @shestakingtheurine. Stop being such a people pleaser. There is no way I would fork out £200 for a weekend I won't enjoy.

Why book accommodation for the wrong number of people

Have you asked on the group chat who had decided to not go?

You will be checked in and you will be turned away if you exceed the numbers.

Can I hazard a guess that there are only 2 bathrooms between “7” guests

Or did she book the accommodation for 6 and divide the price by 6 then she gets a free stay

Are there even two bathrooms?

I suspect that the posters who say this is what you should expect at a hen do or think that those of us who wouldn't share are far younger than I am. I would have done this 40 years ago, but at 64 I want my privacy and I also respect other people's privacy.

I suspect so too. Realistically, though, most hen dos aren't organized for a group of 64 year olds... But also this is exactly where different expectations come into play and unspoken assumptions always cause problems. I never went a group trip (including hen dos) in my 20s where there wasn't bed sharing so I wouldn't have found it worthy of comment. In my mid-30s now I wouldn't choose to share a bed but would expect to be sharing a room and wouldn't expect that to be explicitly flagged to me. Clearly, some people would.

I also think a lot of people have never tried to find self-catering accommodation for a large group. It isn't easy to find somewhere that sleeps 7 with 7 separate beds - you will probably need to book somewhere that actually sleeps around 12, and then pay accordingly for that.

Again, I don't think the MOH here has made the best choices - the accommodation doesn't have 7 beds (though she may have a plan for that) and she should have run it by people. But I also don't think it's as unreasonable as people are claiming and I think a lot of people saying she deserves to be £1200 out of pocket for her mistake are being pretty unfair.

@EbonyRaven it was - two very good friends of mine couldn't come - due to valid reason ad sure it had been postpone 3 times- and tried to send champagne and flowers no that wasnt allowed. We were going to a show before dinner and there was no way they would allow us to check in even to one room to have our bags and freshen up, even when we offered to pay extra. She decorated the room after the show while i was in the shower and did a fab job. We all had a great time. appreciated it aswell as for all of us it was our 1st proper night out after covid.
Just to add one of the best hens i was at was at a farm, i was same as OP - like WTF is this crap, but went along- We milked cows, baked bread, drove tractors and walked the bride over a big finished off with a trad set and irish dancing at the end- SO NOT MY THING, however it was a great laugh, we had fab weather, i didn't know hardly anyone as it was a work colleague but by end of it all we knew each other pretty well
Another note aswell- i draw the line at matching pyjamas though, that is a no no

To buck the trend a bit here, I have been on numerous hen dos with shared beds. Totally normal in my circles.

More fool her. Never book until you have all the funds.

"Given that the venue doesn't even have enough beds for us all to sleep in, and the fact that you seem to assume everyone is comfortable sharing beds with others they don't know very well, this trip is no longer something I'm willing to pay for, or attend. Had you given all the detail before booking, I could have let you know about this then. I'll make separate arrangements to meet with the Bride before her bid day. Regards, OP"