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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with this re sleeping arrangements?

408 replies

shestakingtheurine · 26/05/2023 22:20

I'm going to a friends hen do at the end of June. I have known this friend since I was at secondary school so we have developed different friends over the years so I'm only vaguely familiar with the other ladies going. The maid of honour has done all the booking and is now asking for the money for the accommodation she's booked except she's sent link to the air bnb she has booked and it's only got three bedrooms and three double beds for seven people. I questioned this if she had made a mistake or are we supposed to be sharing beds and she said yes. Aibu to not want to share a bed with a virtual stranger? Would you pay up or back out? I feel like I've been put in a difficult position now as if I don't pay the others price will go up so I can't even find my own accommodation. I honestly feel sick.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/05/2023 10:31

thecatsthecats · 27/05/2023 10:30

To buck the trend a bit here, I have been on numerous hen dos with shared beds. Totally normal in my circles.

But can you see how expecting people to share a bed is something that should be discussed at planning stages? To check everyone is comfortable with that?

Littledogball · 27/05/2023 10:38

Why don't you be a grown up and just say in the group chat that this is meant to be fun and it's not going to be fun if we are all tired and as a grown woman I'm not sharing a bed!! Everyone else is bound to be thinking it! You can easily get a place for the same price with a bed and a bedroom each!

crazycatladyof6 · 27/05/2023 10:38

No this isn’t reasonable at all, especially when there was no mention of it previously so everyone had the opportunity to agree or disagree with arrangement

ActDottie · 27/05/2023 10:38

I’d have no issue with this, you’ll get to know the other girls

LyndaSnellsSniff · 27/05/2023 10:39

Happened to me too. Only found out we'd be sharing when we arrived. It was an Air B&B house with an indoor swimming pool. We were told to bring swimming costumes Swimming pool was disgusting and unusable. The only shower was in a cupboard with just a curtain for privacy and the only utensil in the kitchen was a huge, rusty hatchet.

I spent all night worrying we'd all be butchered in our sleep by said huge, rusty hatchet whilst trying not to accidentally touch the complete stranger I was forced to share a bed with. Nightmare, that was.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2023 10:41

She should have asked. I'd probably offer to be the 7th person and sleep on an airbed.

Maloneyb · 27/05/2023 10:48

Girl I would back the hell out and explain how it’s not comfortable for you/most people to share a bed with someone you don’t know!

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 27/05/2023 10:54

You can see the cancellation terms from the Airbnb listing. If it’s still refundable I’d definitely back out. You can also see whether the owners are going to be there. If they are you may find someone gets turned away anyway.

BodgerLovesMashedPotato · 27/05/2023 10:55

BreviloquentBastard · 27/05/2023 08:59

This happened to me on a hen once, only I didn't find out that I'd be sharing a bed until we got there! I ended up sharing a bed with a lovely lady called Elaine. She snored like a tractor and I woke up at 6am to her spooning me. It was an experience.

I was 24 then and more tolerant of hen night hijinks. I think I'd back out now to be honest in your shoes!

🤣🤣😂
That made me actually lol
Back up a bit, Elaine!
Nightmare 😁

Crumpleton · 27/05/2023 11:02

openstop · 27/05/2023 09:34

Who cares? She shouldn't have organised such a shit hen do.

Show quote history

Maybe it's just me but renting somewhere that cost £200 × 7, or 6 if guests covering brides contribution seems an awful lot of money for a 2 night stay in 3 bed air bnb.
Can only imagine MOH has booked entertainment and that's included in the price.

EbonyRaven · 27/05/2023 11:04

@RampantIvy

I suspect that the posters who say this is what you should expect at a hen do or think that those of us who wouldn't share are far younger than I am. I would have done this 40 years ago, but at 64 I want my privacy and I also respect other people's privacy.

As @TrippinEdBalls said, hen dos are not generally organised for 64 year olds! I don't think I have ever known a hen do (especially where they arrange staying away,) feature anyone past their mid 30s. Usually 25 to 30 is the typical age range.

I would quite happily have done what the OP is not wanting to do, when I was 35 or less. I would not be doing it now I am middle aged. (50-ish.) I have been to 3 weddings of 24 to 31 year olds this past year. All of them had a hen do. I was not invited to any of them. If I had been, I would have refused. Not my idea of fun at all. Would have been 20 years ago. Not now.

Paq · 27/05/2023 11:19

I think that's the problem @EbonyRaven. Hen parties in the past were about ALL the women - including MOB etc. coming together for a nice celebration/get to know ahead of the wedding. Now it seems like it's about insta and showing off.

Hollyppp · 27/05/2023 12:04

Tbh this wouldn’t bother me :)

Hollyppp · 27/05/2023 12:07

Also on my husbands friends stag dos they all share a bed every time (usually book travel lodges or air bnb) all the blokes share beds no issues. Although tbh they probs only get 3-4 hours sleep after getting to bed at 4am.

Hollyppp · 27/05/2023 12:09

thecatsthecats · 27/05/2023 10:30

To buck the trend a bit here, I have been on numerous hen dos with shared beds. Totally normal in my circles.

Yep same 🤣😁

Newspeaker · 27/05/2023 12:12

It doesn't really matter what other people are OK with does it? Op's in the situation where she was put in this position without the organiser checking she was OK with it. It doesn't matter how many here, or their husbands, are OK sharing beds with strangers. Op isn't OK with it. (I wouldn't be either).

Crumpleton · 27/05/2023 12:29

Newspeaker · 27/05/2023 12:12

It doesn't really matter what other people are OK with does it? Op's in the situation where she was put in this position without the organiser checking she was OK with it. It doesn't matter how many here, or their husbands, are OK sharing beds with strangers. Op isn't OK with it. (I wouldn't be either).

👏👏👏
Second this.

Clarinet1 · 27/05/2023 12:32

Yep, I wouldn’t fancy sharing bed with a stranger. I also think the contractual/insurance aspect is important. If the owner or key holder is particular and turns you away what will you do then? And if the insurance specified 6 occupants and there is some kind of disaster (hope not but you never know), what then?

MumblesParty · 27/05/2023 12:52

As you’ve said OP, I’d go but take a blow up bed.

custardcreme77 · 27/05/2023 13:09

shestakingtheurine · 27/05/2023 09:04

I've decided I'm probably going to have to go with the blow up airbed idea. I'm not thrilled about it but she wants the money by today apparently so I haven't really got much choice. I don't know any of the other people in the group well enough to know if they are just going along with it or are secretly uncomfortable with it. Lesson learnt anyway. I have made suggestions about other activities and she's just said 'no I don't think * would like that' so I gave up.

You are the 7th person then who hasn’t got a designated bed but reluctantly bringing your own 😳

Next problem - where to put it!

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 27/05/2023 13:43

SamW98 · 27/05/2023 08:46

Sharing a bed with a stranger
Matching Pyjamas
Pottery Painting

I would 💯 be cancelling - sounds like my idea of a weekend from hell

Me too 😂😂 maybe I'm just a miserable sod

Nanny0gg · 27/05/2023 15:27

The Old Days were so much easier - out for a meal/down the pub/dancing.

Then home

TrippinEdBalls · 27/05/2023 16:50

Crumpleton · 27/05/2023 11:02

Maybe it's just me but renting somewhere that cost £200 × 7, or 6 if guests covering brides contribution seems an awful lot of money for a 2 night stay in 3 bed air bnb.
Can only imagine MOH has booked entertainment and that's included in the price.

Show quote history

When did you last try and book this kind of accommodation in a popular destination for a summer weekend? One of the problems with organizing this kind of thing is that people often have quite unrealistic ideas of how much they 'should' be paying vs actual prices and comprising in one way annoys people in another - e.g. people don't want to pay for central accommodation, but nor do they want to pay for taxis

Crumpleton · 27/05/2023 17:13

TrippinEdBalls · 27/05/2023 16:50

When did you last try and book this kind of accommodation in a popular destination for a summer weekend? One of the problems with organizing this kind of thing is that people often have quite unrealistic ideas of how much they 'should' be paying vs actual prices and comprising in one way annoys people in another - e.g. people don't want to pay for central accommodation, but nor do they want to pay for taxis

Show quote history

@TrippinEdBalls

Doesn't sound like a choice was given to OP before booking any of it.
Considering it sounds like there's a WhatsApp group communication before hand regarding other people's budgets and spending their money should have been on the priority list.

rookiemere · 27/05/2023 17:35

I agree organising things can be a thankless task, but assuming people are ok sharing beds at £100 per night per person seems a bit steep. Most hotels can provide twin rooms and even in a busy city you would get something pretty decent for £200 a night.