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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with this re sleeping arrangements?

408 replies

shestakingtheurine · 26/05/2023 22:20

I'm going to a friends hen do at the end of June. I have known this friend since I was at secondary school so we have developed different friends over the years so I'm only vaguely familiar with the other ladies going. The maid of honour has done all the booking and is now asking for the money for the accommodation she's booked except she's sent link to the air bnb she has booked and it's only got three bedrooms and three double beds for seven people. I questioned this if she had made a mistake or are we supposed to be sharing beds and she said yes. Aibu to not want to share a bed with a virtual stranger? Would you pay up or back out? I feel like I've been put in a difficult position now as if I don't pay the others price will go up so I can't even find my own accommodation. I honestly feel sick.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 27/05/2023 07:51

Mind you £100 a night to sleep on the floor in your own airbed is unequivocally a bit shit. Perhaps marginally less shit than sharing a bed with a farting, snoring stranger.
How rubbish. You could all have had your own hotel rooms for the same price if she'd got her fingers out.

diddl · 27/05/2023 07:53

I don't like to share a room when away let alone a bed!

NeedToChangeName · 27/05/2023 08:00

I'd get in quick "there are 7 of us but the house only sleeps 6, so I will just come and join you for the day time activities"

Quinoawoman · 27/05/2023 08:01

I organised my sister's hen do pre-covid. Everyone knew the sleeping arrangements up front: triple rooms (3 single beds in each one), travelodge type thing. One girl decided to back out just before the payment deadline saying she thought it was too expensive, and she didn't want to share a room or a bathroom so booked an air b&b nearby instead. We all ended up paying for het share which was really annoying.

I don't think you are being unreasonable here though as the sleeping arrangements were not discussed/shared upfront - and potentially no access for the 7th person!!!

MinnieGirl · 27/05/2023 08:07

shestakingtheurine · 27/05/2023 07:08

I wouldn't have minded booking my own accommodation but now I would have to pay twice which sticks in my throat. I've known this friend since I was 11 and we still live very close to each other and have a close friendship so not going is not really an option. She knows nothing about this. I also don't agree with some of the activities booked such as fucking pottery painting arghh but I'm not someone who likes to rock the boat . Everyone else just seems to gave gone along with her batshit plans

Could you talk to the bride and say you are not going because you really don’t feel comfortable but you hope she had a lovely time and you will take her out for a nice meal and drinks.
The obligation to attend these things is so wrong….

Argar · 27/05/2023 08:08

NeedToChangeName · 27/05/2023 08:00

I'd get in quick "there are 7 of us but the house only sleeps 6, so I will just come and join you for the day time activities"

Yep.

Everyone suggesting that someone bring an air mattress etc is overlooking the fact that you can't just rock up with more guests than you've booked for. The owner would have every right to chuck the lot of you out for breaking the contract.

As an alternative: as you're very close to the friend who's getting married, could you tell her what's going on? Surely you can talk to her about this kind of stuff? Does she even want to spend a weekend sharing a bed and painting pottery?

MinnieGirl · 27/05/2023 08:09

diddl · 27/05/2023 07:53

I don't like to share a room when away let alone a bed!

Exactly!
I would say you won’t share a room never mind a bed and has she had a funny five minutes. You may well find others then say similar…

TrippinEdBalls · 27/05/2023 08:11

shestakingtheurine · 27/05/2023 07:08

I wouldn't have minded booking my own accommodation but now I would have to pay twice which sticks in my throat. I've known this friend since I was 11 and we still live very close to each other and have a close friendship so not going is not really an option. She knows nothing about this. I also don't agree with some of the activities booked such as fucking pottery painting arghh but I'm not someone who likes to rock the boat . Everyone else just seems to gave gone along with her batshit plans

I think the MOH should have sent you all a link to the accommodation before any money changed hands so she messed up here. In general, though, I've organized these things and it's a thankless pain and you can't win. If she had booked bigger accommodation then she would have been asking too much money and not being sensitive to people's potentially limited budget.

The thing about 'I'm not someone who likes to rock the boat . Everyone else just seems to gave gone along with her batshit plans' really annoyed me - so what you mean is that you, and everyone else, have given no feedback or input, have sat back and let her organize it but now want to whinge about what she chose? It's particularly hard to find activities for a group who don't know each other well - doing something physical, food-based or boozy might not be inclusive and you wouldn't necessarily know. But you do need activities because otherwise you might have a really awkward group.

Again, she should have checked the accommodation and laid out some options before booking (but still that would have annoyed someone). But it's quite hard to organize something that meets all the requirements of people who don't want to help at all, just to moan!

FlounderingFruitcake · 27/05/2023 08:13

If it were me I’d happily share with the bride. I wouldn’t share with a random that I didn’t know and would make that very clear.

diddl · 27/05/2023 08:15

MinnieGirl · 27/05/2023 08:09

Exactly!
I would say you won’t share a room never mind a bed and has she had a funny five minutes. You may well find others then say similar…

Show quote history

I mean I might share a room if it was a double bed but I am a bad sleeper & I snore so wouldn't be fun for anyone sharing!

Nanaof1 · 27/05/2023 08:18

shestakingtheurine · 27/05/2023 07:08

I wouldn't have minded booking my own accommodation but now I would have to pay twice which sticks in my throat. I've known this friend since I was 11 and we still live very close to each other and have a close friendship so not going is not really an option. She knows nothing about this. I also don't agree with some of the activities booked such as fucking pottery painting arghh but I'm not someone who likes to rock the boat . Everyone else just seems to gave gone along with her batshit plans

Is it somewhere you are driving or do you need to fly? If it's driving, then pack an air mattress that comes with an inflator and pillow and go and have fun.
If it's flying...perhaps stop at a store when you get there?

Awrite · 27/05/2023 08:22

So, if backing out is not an option then you really are just posting to check whether you feeling uncomfortable with the plan is valid?

If you are unwilling to do anything about it then you will just have to suck it up. More fool you though.

Makemyday99 · 27/05/2023 08:27

No way would I share a bed with anyone let alone a stranger, I don’t understand why any grown adult would make arrangements to share a room or bed with someone (except their own family) it’s weird. Just go but book your own accommodation

00100001 · 27/05/2023 08:30

Just wait for the announcement/suggestion that the bride shouldn't have to share, and should get the biggest/best room all to herself...

Zanatdy · 27/05/2023 08:33

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this no, not someone I don’t know. I hate sharing a bed anyway (unless with a partner). The organiser should have checked something like this not just assumed everyone would be happy to share

Divamuffin · 27/05/2023 08:34

”I also don't agree with some of the activities booked such as fucking pottery painting arghh but I'm not someone who likes to rock the boat”

you sound miserable and are just looking for things to complain about now. what is wrong with pottery painting? If you don’t agree then why don’t you help and make some suggestions of what you think is fun?

organising a hen is hard work, and it sounds like this person is doing it all on their own with no help and is trying to plan a fun weekend for their friend.

bed situation isn’t ideal, but is normal for all the hens I’ve been on. Very surprised at the such strong reactions of people on here, would be interested to know the age demographic from posters, as the hens I’ve been on in 20s and early 30s this has been normal

Whatifthegrassisblue · 27/05/2023 08:46

Divamuffin · 27/05/2023 08:34

”I also don't agree with some of the activities booked such as fucking pottery painting arghh but I'm not someone who likes to rock the boat”

you sound miserable and are just looking for things to complain about now. what is wrong with pottery painting? If you don’t agree then why don’t you help and make some suggestions of what you think is fun?

organising a hen is hard work, and it sounds like this person is doing it all on their own with no help and is trying to plan a fun weekend for their friend.

bed situation isn’t ideal, but is normal for all the hens I’ve been on. Very surprised at the such strong reactions of people on here, would be interested to know the age demographic from posters, as the hens I’ve been on in 20s and early 30s this has been normal

I agree with this. It is really difficult to plan anything and to please everyone, so unless you are helping then probably don't complain. Why don't you offer to find some better accommodation? I wouldn't want to share a bed either but I also wouldn't complain and not do anything to help

SamW98 · 27/05/2023 08:46

Sharing a bed with a stranger
Matching Pyjamas
Pottery Painting

I would 💯 be cancelling - sounds like my idea of a weekend from hell

Prettypaisleyslippers · 27/05/2023 08:46

Can you take a camp bed/pop up bed? Say that you fidget in your sleep? I have one and it’s super comfy.

it sounds like a messy weekend will be had, I would go with it tbh. You might make new friends for life.

TallerThanAverage · 27/05/2023 08:49

I don’t understand why so many people are against it, it’s just sharing a bed with another woman. Are the people saying no worried that they will do something in the night or the person that they’re sharing the bed with will?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 27/05/2023 08:51

If you are really going to just suck it up then I would get in early with the only person you know well-the bride and ask to share with her.

I wouldn’t mind sharing a room/bed if I’m honest as long as it was a big bed; and I love pottery painting but I wouldn’t be the 7th person with no bed to sleep in because like fuck would I pay £200 to sleep on the sofa and all that that would entail.

SpringNotSprung · 27/05/2023 08:51

Whilst I'd have preferred consultation and would dislike sharing a bed except with DH I think I'd suck it up and probably volunteer to be the 7th person and bring a blow up bed. I doubt the 7th person will be much of an issue; the landlord is unlikely to be on site or counting apart from their £1400 for two nights. One or more beds might be zip and link.

Easier to just get on with it than make a fuss and to be thankful the bride doesn't expect you all to schlep to LA or the Costas for much more money.

I think pottery painting sounds nice, I have enjoyed it and dd and her mid 20s chums do it sometimes.

musixa · 27/05/2023 08:52

Wouldn't be happening for me - I do not share my bed with anyone other than my cats.

Doggymummar · 27/05/2023 08:54

TallerThanAverage · 27/05/2023 08:49

I don’t understand why so many people are against it, it’s just sharing a bed with another woman. Are the people saying no worried that they will do something in the night or the person that they’re sharing the bed with will?

No. As an adult I like my privacy. I don't want to be getting changed in front of people like a nap when I want and I most definitely don't want to share a bathroom. A weekend away is expensive and a luxury I would rather pay more and have privacy than all pile in together. Perhaps you have not thought that hen parties usually contain mother of bride mother of groom and female grand parents. Not everyone will be young. I am mother of bride age and no one needs to see me before I am MADE up and ready for the world.

Newspeaker · 27/05/2023 08:57

The accommodation is for 6 people, so you could argue that so is the price.
I would be quick, point out that it is only for six people so you will make it easy and spend your money on somewhere nearby. Honestly, I would not pay to share a bed with a complete stranger in an overcrowded cottage. Explain to your mate if you need to.