To be irrationally heartbroken about DHs birthday 'gift'

[WoolyOctopus]

I am 39+2 weeks pregnant. DH and I have had a rough ride recently due to slow baby growth, lots of scans, our stressful jobs, moving house and DD aged 5. We've argued lots and things have been stressful. We are slowly coming out the other side of this and things are getting smoother.
However...
It's my birthday tomorrow. We have friends coming over at 1pm and an engagement party to attend (not ours) tomorrow evening at 7pm. We also have an electrician appointment at 10am. I asked DH if he had anything planned for my birthday (like a nice breakfast or had he bought a cake as DD keeps pestering about it). He said no as we're too busy with other things and 'no time' to do anything nice for my birthday. Fair enough. If that had been me, I would have organised breakfast/ a cake/ lunch with the friends who are coming or SOMETHING to make a little fuss of him but whatever... he clearly doesn't think like that. I can accept that.
But...
Today we went into town as I had booked myself an antenatal massage. I reminded him directly to get me a card and DD said she wanted to get me a gift. her and DH went shopping while I went for my massage. When we get home, he leaves a charity shop plastic bag in the middle of the living room floor. He tells me he found some bargain jeans in a charity shop for himself, I pull them out the bag to have a look and two paperback low-brow granny type Mills and Boon books fall out (two for £2) and a 50p bracelet. He says 'oops' and grabs them back. Tells me they are my birthday presents. Now, I am an English teacher - I collect Booker Prize winner books and both my undergrad and postgrad degrees are in literature. I value good books, I spend my life reading books, talking about books and telling him about the current book I am reading. It is the thing I am most passionate about. I am a book snob - I care about 'good' literature. He knows this. So he decides to buy me two for £2 granny-type 'filler' books from a rack from a charity shop? I have also been asking and asking and asking for a new necklace pendant as my other one snapped two years ago. I still have the chain. I am not a jewellery person but I do like a nice necklace. Two years later and he still hasn't got me one.... fair enough. But to get me a 50p kids bracelet from a charity shop?! When I've never worn a bracelet in the whole time we've been together?
Also: we are relatively comfortable financially too.... so money isn't an issue. Besides, it absolutely is the thought that counts - but where was the thought in this? I have also ALWAYS been a fantastic gift buyer for him - not just materialistically (although I've always done well here) but also thought wise!

So... AIBU to be as hurt as I am? I have genuinely sat and cried about this. We've been having such a hard time, I'm very pregnant and just wanted to feel valued. Even stupid things like he knows I've ran out of bubble bath or I liked a dress in the sale in Sainsburys yesterday that I didn't buy. I've pulled him up on it and have been told I'm materialistic, selfish and 'shouldn't have planned a day full of events if I wanted him to organise something for me' (which he never would have done).

Sorry for length.

Don’t you start!

Oops, forgot the 'please'.

I’m a book snob! I have a certain type of books that I like and read.

Dh surprised me once by coming home with a series he spotted in a charity shop. Full set, and got them with the assumption I would like them. He was right!

??

A Mills & Boon product manager somewhere is banging her head against her cottagecore reclaimed wood desk ... or she would be, if the TikTok generation hadn't (according to the Daily Mail) rediscovered the imprint and fallen breathlessly in love with its parade of assertively handsome, yet endearingly vulnerable heroes.

The Mail helpfully tells you how to write a M&B blockbuste 🙃

There is a world of difference between buying a shit present because you misjudged and buying a shit present because you can't be arsed, this falls into the latter. my DH once bought me a sewing machine because I'd casually mentioned I might like to start sewing. I've never used it, never will but it was a thoughtful gift as he'd remembered me casually mentioning it IYSWIM. A couple of 50p books from a charity shop isn't a thoughtful gift, unless you said you like that particular author. I'd be fuming OP.

The books, the genre etc all red herrings.
This man does not care about you, can't lift a finger to give you 2 mins proper thought.
Either leave now or demand couples counselling your marriage is awful

I feel for you OP because your husband is showing a lack of consideration and care while you’re pregnant, tired and deserve some kindness. YANBU to feel upset. I hope you aren’t feeling emotionally neglected by him in general. It’s still true though that while your granny likes Mills and Boon many grannies definitely don’t and aren’t having to look hard to feel offended. Older ladies get tired of being patronised.

You see it.

Its clear.

I so hope the op has family and friends nearby.

PA men like her husband show their hand like this.

The poor pet. I so hope she has support nearby

Voracious readers typically read across many genres, and quite a number of actual book snobs would turn their noses up at the Booker…..

Doesn’t change the fact your husband is selfish and thoughtless.

This. The only way he’ll get the message is when you drive it home on his birthday.

We have the same birthdays.

He's grown up not celebrating birthdays so doesn't see it as a big deal..

I've got no cards/presents and my daughter asked me to pick up a card so she can write it for me (she's 5)

So you're doing better than me!!!

When I was 39 weeks pregnant my partner bought me a rubik's cube for my birthday. That was it. Absolute shite. I was furious. The complete lack of thought is what hurts. Also you have made it very clear that you wanted something and he has still not done it. You are also very pregnant with his kid and he should be worshiping the ground you walk on right now. Being 39 weeks pregnant is no joke. Very dickish behaviour and you are perfectly within your rights to be fuming. xxx

@MissTrip82 , I read quite a lot and have been given booker prize winners as gifts. It's not my ideal gift, although they've obviously been well meant.
I'd prefer a classic, or one that someone has chosen because they have read it and they are pretty sure I'd like it.

No winners here love

Spot on.

Dh has a fear of getting the wrong present , now I email him links of 5 or 6 things I'd like and he chooses from them . That way he's happy with what he's giving and there's still an element of surprise for me.

OP,I'd be really disappointed at the lack of thought 😢

@Regholdsworthswaterbed tell me about it

Exactly it’s not a race to the bottom’

Happy birthday OP, do try and enjoy your day and next year, make sure you celebrate in style without your lazy DH.

Nobody is entitled to a gift.

The issue is these books are something OP wouldn’t read and if her OH paid any attention he’d know that.

There are some historical romance genre books I’d quite happily receive as a gift because sometimes I like reading something escapist & fun that I don’t need to think deeply about. Other times I like reading something more challenging. I’d definitely describe myself as an eclectic reader but I’d also be a bit hurt by a couple of charity books grabbed at random with no thought. My OH buys me books often and sometimes they are second hand. He will pick ones from an author he knows I’ve read before and enjoyed, ones described in reviews as something people who like my favourite novels will enjoy or ones on a non fiction topic I’ve expressed an interest in. Sometimes I don’t enjoy them but the point is you can easily see he’s thought about it and intentionally chosen them based on his knowledge of my preferences.
It’s a shit effort at gift buying OP. It’s nothing to do with the money but rather the lack of caring that you would like a thoughtful gift and bothering with the relatively small time/effort needed to find one.

He should know you well enough to know what genre of literature you like. He has shown that he couldn't care less and you are right to be upset about it. Do you do his laundry etc?! If you do then stop and when he asks where is my top or trousers etc say I am way too busy doing other things than to wash your clothes.injust think he's being a complete arse over this.

Why not?

YANBU OP. Your DH is a selfish arse. Bet he always manages to buy the nice things in life he wants for himself.

Just a thought, does he get jealous of your achievements and birthdays? Ironically I have a male relative like this, can’t bear to see the attention on someone else when it’s their birthday etc.

Happy Birthday 🎂 I hope you still manage to have a lovely day.