Guest keeps asking me questions when I'm eating...

[MucozadeOnLucozade]

My friend is due to stay with us again and as lovely as she is, she has this annoying habit of firing 101 questions at the dining table when we're eating. After the work of cooking the meal and generally just tired at that point of the day I find it all too much trying to juggle chewing and answering questions. I end up swallowing food that's not been chewed well and eating mouth full or swallowing loads of gas.

Last night I ended up with the most painful indigestion!

How can I tell my guest to just calm it down with the questions at meantime. It's like quickfire and it's obvious she's not remembering what she's asked as she repeats questions.

I just want to eat and enjoy food without the interogation!!

She sounds like a space filler, I'm like that DH hates it, we watch TV when eating now as it avoids the awkwardness when I want to chat over meals and he doesn't.

Suspect she might be a bit lonely and enjoys your company so wants to chat, about anything, and the interrogation is to try to get you to converse.

Much to do about nothing! Can't be very pleasant being close to you after that frantic grazing, am certain far worse things happen in life than having banter around a table. You should possibly eat alone, maybe have an easy to digest snack when your friend is at the table. Make a sign " NO SPEAKING WHILE EATING " . Don't invite this particular friend again. Hope they read this as hopefully they shall never return. Happy silent grazing!!!!

She can't make you gulp down your food. Just put your hand up and carry on eating at your own pace. This is definitely your issue.

I know what you mean, I have IBS and have to eat really slowly chewing things a lot, my husband however as ex emergency services inhales his food as meal breaks were seconds long. It makes me eat faster than I should and almost gives me anxiety! I then end up bloated and grumpy.
I don’t think either party is being unreasonable, you’re just different. I’m wondering if the timing of the visits might be wrong though if you are feeling worn out by meal time, maybe she should stay on days when things are slower.
Also I’ve found meals that contain rice, pasta, mash potato et. are all easy chewable and don’t need cutting up which slows everything down and easier on your digestion

Put her in the garden and eat yours in the kitchen between courses!

Put her in the garden and eat yours between courses in the kitchen

After the last one, I think I would say let's have the TV on while we eat. I really hate feeling rushed when I meeting.

Is she Monica?

We chat when eating.
You just eat then answer.
Use words and say slow down a bit so I can eat and keep up.
Most people manage to chat and eat lol

I'm a bit surprised that you are close friends (so close that she comes to stay) when you have this major difference? I'd do what others have suggested about answering slowly. Or say "oh gosh I'll have to think about that one" or "let's leave that topic till after dinner shall we?"

This friend also gives me no space in my house. I go in my bedroom and shut the door for my brain to get a breather. Before I know it she barges in asking where am I, am I okay, what am I doing etc.

Holy Moley! You've got a problem if she doesn't even understand that a closed door is not an invitation to barge in and begin the Spanish Inquisition!

If that happened to me (and at that point I really don't think I'd care if I was coming across as rude as they clearly haven't copped that they are equally if not more rude), I would put my hands on their shoulders/top of their arms, turn them around and walk them out of my room while saying "I am going to sleep now. You go to sleep too. We can talk again, or you will talk and I will listen, in the morning. Good night!" and by the time I would have said that I would be back in my room with the door closed again.

I think you should stop inviting her to your house. She sounds painfully needy and irritating!

The non stop questions during meals is annoying enough but barging into your bedroom when the door is closed, that’s rude. One stay would have been it for me then never again!

I would avoid her wherever possible and never go on holiday with her; can you meet outside of your home?

No amount of hints will work with people like this. They don’t pick up hints because they have a a problem. Is there anyway you can drastically reduce contact?
I once had a friend who would NOT SHUT UP. EVER. I don’t see her now. I couldn’t stand it any longer. It was bloody torture.
Can you reduce contact? Before you kill her….

Exactly how old is this friend of yours? She sounds like a toddler!

In her 30's.

I went on holiday with her to Spain and in a restaurant there was a USA couple sitting on table next to us. She started talking to them all throughout the mealtime. It was so embarrassing!

I'm not a big talker, but I like to have a conversation.

I also used to have a friend who didn't have an off button, she was a lovely person but I couldn't get a word in. Exhausting. We grew apart.

Also, had a job interview once years ago, not a professional interviewer but the person leaving the job. She talked non stop and didn't even give me time to respond to her questions 😳. I was flabbergasted when agent gave me her feedback that I talked too much🤣

Fuck!! Still pisses me off!!!

Isn't the dinner table the best place to talk and ask questions? You don't need to answer straight away or rush your food

Spent the week with the in laws, they talk at the table over meals and it seems so much more normal than sitting silently eating.

Strange DH doesn't like it, oddly I fit in better with his family sometimes.

This. Just point to your mouth chewing. But also conversation during meals is normal and nice, ask questions back.

I'd save half to eat in bed later!

I don’t know why some posters are pointing out that conversation at meal times is normal when, clearly, the Riddler Guest is not normal. The guest sounds like a nightmare and OP has my sympathy.
I pity the guest. She needs therapy but she probably doesn’t realise it. She probably thinks she’s ok with her friendly chatter and caring questions.

I'm unsure exactly what you're asking and what solution you want. It's very unlikely your chatty friend is going to have a personality change. You have taken regular holidays with this friend and have her as a guest so presumably you do like her, but you're finding the intensity overwhelming.
I think you're unreasonable to chose mealtimes to ring fence as protected 'quiet time'. My experience of life indicates that it would be the norm to converse more if anything at dinnertime. I don't think the solution is getting her to quieten down then, it's to pace yourself and set clear boundaries throughout the rest of her say. Explain that when you go into your bedroom it's because you want to be alone and that's normal for you (and others).
As for mealtimes, as others are suggesting just don't answer immediately if you have a mouthful of food.Gulping air to the point of indigestion is ridiculous and not sustainable, but you need to set boundaries.
Could it be that that's the real issue here? Your lack of assertiveness. It's a shame for both of you. If she's a friend (and as chatty as you say) I doubt she'll be shocked or offended if you reference her constant talking. Take space for yourself during the day....or just accept you don't actually enjoy her company and you're not compatible friends.