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AIBU?

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Original poster

Guest keeps asking me questions when I'm eating...

154 replies

MucozadeOnLucozade · 26/05/2023 07:38

My friend is due to stay with us again and as lovely as she is, she has this annoying habit of firing 101 questions at the dining table when we're eating. After the work of cooking the meal and generally just tired at that point of the day I find it all too much trying to juggle chewing and answering questions. I end up swallowing food that's not been chewed well and eating mouth full or swallowing loads of gas.

Last night I ended up with the most painful indigestion!

How can I tell my guest to just calm it down with the questions at meantime. It's like quickfire and it's obvious she's not remembering what she's asked as she repeats questions.

I just want to eat and enjoy food without the interogation!!

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 26/05/2023 08:06

MucozadeOnLucozade · 26/05/2023 08:03

I don't mind occasional conversation and questions but it's like quick fire and if you don't reply immediately she keep asking and it feels like I am not a good guest to keep her waiting for the answer.

Indicate physically that she needs to wait. Her approach is not normal so she must be used to people not ploughing on at her pace during a meal.

SallyWD · 26/05/2023 08:10

I prefer to eat quietly but my DH finds this hilarious. He grew up in southern Europe and meals are a very social time when everyone talks. They eat much more slowly than us Brits because they're so busy talking! So although I understand your perspective I think that it's perfectly normal to chat whilst eating.

MrsClatterbuck · 26/05/2023 08:12

If she's firing all these questions she mustn't get to eat herself or does she she eat while you are answering her. Like people said don't reply until you have finished chewing and swallowing and maybe a sip of your drink. So what if she is still firing questions. Curious does she only ask questions as that's a bit strange and surely you actually discuss some topic or other.

FirstLaburnum · 26/05/2023 08:14

I'm with you OP, I've experienced this and it is surprisingly tiring. Try and ask her more questions - she might be trying to fill silence.

faw2009 · 26/05/2023 08:14

Or speak with your mouth full, maybe that will put her off.

FirstLaburnum · 26/05/2023 08:15

And to PP who say this is normal - it isn't. Normal conversation involves sharing thoughts as well as asking questions

Pinkdelight3 · 26/05/2023 08:25

Can't you bat it back to her - "I'm whacked out from working - can you talk for a bit? Tell me about XYZ." and let her do the rest of the talking, whether you listen or not, you can just nod along with the odd prompt. You don't need to be rude but you definitely are being too polite enduring this and saying nothing (well, saying a lot but not what you need to say!).

Okshacky · 26/05/2023 08:26

It honestly sounds like you are the problem here.

MarkWithaC · 26/05/2023 08:31

MucozadeOnLucozade · 26/05/2023 08:03

I don't mind occasional conversation and questions but it's like quick fire and if you don't reply immediately she keep asking and it feels like I am not a good guest to keep her waiting for the answer.

Is she on coke/permanently caffeinated? Or does she just understand basic conventions like waiting for someone to reply? It does sound a bit like having dinner with the Stasi.

But if she’s your good friend, can’t you just say, ‘Give me a second!’ with a smile?

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 26/05/2023 08:38

You really do have to make her wait. Finish chewing, swallow, then answer.
She's the one being rude.
Or wait for her to take a mouthful and return the favour by asking her 3 or 4 quickfire questions one after the other.
She might get the message🤞, she probably won't 🤦‍♀️

DisplayOrcha · 26/05/2023 08:38

Sounds like she’s filling an uncomfortable silence because you struggle to have a normal over dinner conversation. Perhaps limit guests to your home during mealtimes if you’re struggling so much. I doubt this is a constant bombardment of questions otherwise they would never eat either.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/05/2023 08:43

MucozadeOnLucozade · 26/05/2023 08:03

I don't mind occasional conversation and questions but it's like quick fire and if you don't reply immediately she keep asking and it feels like I am not a good guest to keep her waiting for the answer.

One hand held up in the 'Stop' signal, the other hand pointing to your chewing. Do not rush your chewing! When you have swallowed, do not answer her question, no matter how often she has asked. Instead, say something like

'Goodness Susan, I really don't know how you expect me to answer with a mouth full of food! Can the quiz please wait until after we've finished our meal? I'm starving and would like to eat before my meal goes cold!'

Say it in a light tone with a smile on your face. If she returns to her quickfire, point to your chewing mouth and don't respond.

Prioritise your meal. By all means converse, possibly asking a question of your own as you get your next forkful assembled ('And what are your plans for tomorrow?') but do NOT reward her by bolting your food.

IfYouDontAsk · 26/05/2023 08:47

If you only want occasional conversation then maybe it’s best to see your friend out and about, for shorter periods? Having house guests can be quite tiring as you’ve got to be “on” pretty much all of the time and that’s obviously multiplied if you’ve got a guest who’s quite intense.

jc12689 · 26/05/2023 08:48

Okshacky · 26/05/2023 08:26

It honestly sounds like you are the problem here.

Got to love throw away comments like this. Care to explain or did you just want to drop that one in and run away?

As others have said. Nothing wrong with chatter at dinner, it's what make it so enjoyable when you have guest around. But there's a difference between that and being bombarded with endless questions. That's not a conversation.

Okshacky · 26/05/2023 08:48

I can’t imagine having a guest in my home and getting myself so exhausted or hungry that I couldn’t talk over dinner. It’s very unusual not to talk over a meal particularly if someone is visiting.

ClairDeLaLune · 26/05/2023 08:51

Ask her questions back. Open ended ones not just yes/no ones so you make her talk.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 26/05/2023 08:51

Does she work in Pizza Express? Staff there have a habit of asking questions (Is everything ok here?) just as I have a mouthful.

Solution is the first time they ask a question you answer straight away. If this means talking with a full mouth and spraying food everywhere so be it.

Alternatively you could just have a conversation over dinner. Good luck.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 26/05/2023 08:51

What do you mean though?

Like

"Do you have an outfit for the wedding?"

Chews

"OP, the wedding, do you have an outfit?"

Chews

"Do you have an outfit for the wedding?"

Or

"Do you have an outfit for the wedding?"

Chews

"I bought a dress, it's nice but I'm not sure, what are you wearing?"

Chews

"I'm very excited about the wedding, are you?"

Because the top one feels irrational and the bottom one feels normal

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 26/05/2023 08:53

MucozadeOnLucozade · 26/05/2023 08:03

I don't mind occasional conversation and questions but it's like quick fire and if you don't reply immediately she keep asking and it feels like I am not a good guest to keep her waiting for the answer.

Just keep her waiting.

She can't force you to reply.

IncompleteSenten · 26/05/2023 08:56

Put your hand up in a wait signal then point to your mouth. Then chew properly and swallow then say sorry, I don't like to talk with my mouth full. Then answer her question. Repeat as required. It's ok to ask her to wait until you have finished your mouthful

If she's eating with you, how is she firing constant questions at you? Is she talking with her mouth full?

RegimentalSturgeon · 26/05/2023 09:00

You don’t have to have her to stay. So don’t.

Bedtimemode · 26/05/2023 09:01

We always talk through dinner, it's second nature....but anyway, if I have to talk with my mouth full I just cover it with my hand. Or do the universal sort of finger in the air "wait a second" hand gesture.

Verbena17 · 26/05/2023 09:06

Maybe do a take away - sat in front of a film tonight. Or is she someone who will chat through the movie?

user1492757084 · 26/05/2023 09:12

Don't worry if you think she is waiting.
It sounds like she will entertain herself and keep on talking.
Just take your time to eat and answer when you feel comfortable to do so.
If she already has asked the same question you can politely say Haven't you asked me about that yeaterday?

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 09:13

Take your time chewing and swallowing, hold your hand up if she is repeating and say, " friend, I heard you the first time however I'm trying to not give myself indigestion. "
Talking over dinner is normal but she sounds a bit full on and obviously social cues are not her strong suit, I can imagine it's quite wearing.