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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

581 replies

drusillabee · 26/05/2023 00:06

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SunnyEgg · 26/05/2023 08:01

drusillabee · 26/05/2023 00:27

@Hawkins0001 anywhere between £60-£100 a week depending on what I'm cooking.

Now that our second is on solids our bill has rocketed as we're having to factor in her food, particularly food that she will eat whilst she's away from me (I.e. egg custard from a jar).

Solids should t make your budget skyrocket

Can’t you use your own prepared food not jars?

curtainsfringe · 26/05/2023 08:02

@User1529865 what a saddo!

Strawberrypineapple · 26/05/2023 08:02

Thats not really what I am saying, though, @openstop . I think a lot of people on here have a view that if you live outside of London or the south east then housing is both affordable and plentiful. I see it on threads where someone is renting too - ‘just move’ but actually there’s a lack of housing in Nottingham as well as London.

£80,000 for a family of four is a good income but it doesn’t mean poverty in Surrey and affluence in Staffordshire!

adviceneeded1990 · 26/05/2023 08:04

drusillabee · 26/05/2023 00:06

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

No advice but much solidarity! I’m a teacher and DH is in a more manual job and I do online tutoring another 14 hours a week at home. Sometimes I feel all I do is work.

Bathintheshed · 26/05/2023 08:06

I get what you're saying but I manage on an income much lower. Yes I would love another DC with a small age gap but I am waiting until DD gets her 30 hours as I know it would massive impact our quality of life. Most people wait in my experience. The COL is affecting everyone and it is depressing but as others have said, having another DC seems to be what is impacting your finances and you must have known this would happen. It is temporary though, a few years and DC will be in school.

user1492757084 · 26/05/2023 08:06

Have you tried looking after someone elsé's child, doing ironing or laundry from home or working night hours as a tutor?
Have you looked into selling one car?
Have you looked into growing vegetables or working in a call centre at night from home?
Do you buy clothes from a thrift shop?

openstop · 26/05/2023 08:07

Strawberrypineapple · 26/05/2023 08:02

Thats not really what I am saying, though, @openstop . I think a lot of people on here have a view that if you live outside of London or the south east then housing is both affordable and plentiful. I see it on threads where someone is renting too - ‘just move’ but actually there’s a lack of housing in Nottingham as well as London.

£80,000 for a family of four is a good income but it doesn’t mean poverty in Surrey and affluence in Staffordshire!

I see sorry yes.

Maybe with the CoL it means people will move I to those "less desirable" areas and they will become more desirable? There's some really cheap ex mining towns in Wales.

curtainsfringe · 26/05/2023 08:07

The vast majority of the population are on nowhere near that.

What relevance is that? Outgoings are important, not just income 🙄.

user1492757084 · 26/05/2023 08:08

Can your husband work an extra shift?

curtainsfringe · 26/05/2023 08:08

Maybe with the CoL it means people will move I to those "less desirable" areas and they will become more desirable? There's some really cheap ex mining towns in Wales.

What is the job situation in those areas?

Hollyppp · 26/05/2023 08:10

Some people are being very unkind and unhelpful in their comments. Shame on them for being so angry and bitter.

OP you’re doing great. I would say (as a mama of a 2.5 yo and pregnant with another), if you can try to get little ones off jars of custard food etc that would be helpful. I did do some pouches when out and about but most baby food is ridiculously over marketed and unnecessary.
for treats, I do stewed apple, tinned adult rice pudding, breadsticks from adult aisle etc. baby crisps etc are ridiculous (60p a bag!!!)

I think others have made some good suggestions. Only other thing is to check if a nanny or childminder would be cheaper for you than 2 x nursery

Original poster
drusillabee · 26/05/2023 08:10

Irt solids, my youngest generally eats whatever we do without added salt/sugar/modified for baby.

However as I've been building up the time I'll be leaving her when I go back to work, she is completely refusing any form of milk from a bottle or cup.

I introduced a bottle at the start btw (6 weeks) and we've been trying ever since and she's always refused.

The only things she does eat are the jars of Heinz rice puddings and egg custard with satisfaction. She only has these when I'm not around.

Also my grocery bill hasn't gone up by £40 because of solids lol. 60-100 is the general range of what we spend. It's mostly around 70. Closer to 100 if we've bought extra fruit for little one to try or a ready meal because I need a break from cooking, for example.

OP posts:
mrsblueskyeye · 26/05/2023 08:11

To clarify, my eldest is only in nursery 2 mornings a week whilst I'm on MAT leave. This is to give me a break.

Sorry? You need to get your priorities right. Saying you are struggling but send your eldest to nursery whilst you are off? Lost all sympathy.

Oh and back in the 'olden days' when houses cost pennies and everything was rosey (mid 80s) I had to work 5 days a week and get a weekend job, whilst my DH did overtime. T'was always thus.

changedforanswer · 26/05/2023 08:14

When you are back to work and household income is £80K, do a spreadsheet of ALL spending. It's surprising where households leak money. Can you cut nursery hours at all. Extend mortgage term?

Instead of a weekend job maybe teach 5 days, or is the net after childcare more if you work at the weekend?

Any family help with childcare or share with a friend? Local childminder?

FrodisCapering · 26/05/2023 08:15

Get a grip.
I was a teacher for fifteen years and now work in a related feel on the same sort of money as UPS3. My company pays 6% to my pension and I pay 10%. Teachers pension scheme is about to go up to 30% employer contribution.
The actual salary is fine. I do exam marking ever summer now as a team leader, and make 3 or 4k extra by working my ass off marking as many papers as I can.
Also have two kids in nursery.
If you do t like it, look for alternative employment.

Plenty of people are genuinely struggling. It doesn't sound like your one of them.

Strawberrypineapple · 26/05/2023 08:15

i actually think it’s more unwise to take a child from nursery. It’s continuity for one thing and I know the childcare availability around here is dreadful. I had originally planned to reduce DS days from three to two while I was on maternity leave but I’m keeping it at three in case we can’t get him back in again!

TeenLifeMum · 26/05/2023 08:15

Nursery years are not when you can save money so it’s a case of getting through. It really is only a brief time.

changedforanswer · 26/05/2023 08:15

Ah, didn't see this "To clarify, my eldest is only in nursery 2 mornings a week whilst I'm on MAT leave. This is to give me a break."

If you really are struggling then this is an immediate way to save money.

Back in the day people managed to look after 2 children when on mat leave.

Original poster
drusillabee · 26/05/2023 08:15

@mrsblueskyeye are you being serious? Do you know what it's like looking after a toddler and a baby?

Have you ever heard of PPD?

Oh sue me for wanting to have a couple of mornings a week for just my baby and I or just so that I can BREATHE and not be non stop 24/7.

OP posts:
changedforanswer · 26/05/2023 08:16

user1492757084 · 26/05/2023 08:06

Have you tried looking after someone elsé's child, doing ironing or laundry from home or working night hours as a tutor?
Have you looked into selling one car?
Have you looked into growing vegetables or working in a call centre at night from home?
Do you buy clothes from a thrift shop?

Good ideas but since the OP sends her older child to nursery to give her a break a couple days a week then she isn't going to entertain looking after another child.

Babyroobs · 26/05/2023 08:17

mrsblueskyeye · 26/05/2023 08:11

To clarify, my eldest is only in nursery 2 mornings a week whilst I'm on MAT leave. This is to give me a break.

Sorry? You need to get your priorities right. Saying you are struggling but send your eldest to nursery whilst you are off? Lost all sympathy.

Oh and back in the 'olden days' when houses cost pennies and everything was rosey (mid 80s) I had to work 5 days a week and get a weekend job, whilst my DH did overtime. T'was always thus.

It does make me chuckle a bit when people keep kids in nursery on mat leave- I do understand that places need to be kept open. I have a friend currently on mat leave and her 3 year old still goes to nursery 4 full days a week. She moans how terrible it is to have them both together for one day a week which makes me laugh. I jokingly told her yesterday how I had 3 under 4 at home for a years mat leave with my third, looked after them all week on my own and then worked nights at the weekend. She was horrified and said she couldn't understand how I did it ! I know it's not a competition as to who had it the hardest and when my kids were born 20 years ago housing was so much more affordable but I do think sometimes people don't realize how easy they have it.

Original poster
drusillabee · 26/05/2023 08:18

Also it's my last month of MAT leave anyway so I'm not going to pull my child out of nursery.

Besides it was a cost we factored in when I was pregnant and worked hard to ensure we could afford.

We just didn't anticipate the CoL being what it is now.

OP posts:
SunnyEgg · 26/05/2023 08:18

Paying nursery when you’re on ML is going to be expensive for anyone

It’s up to you but some of these things will add up to what you’ll earn on that weekend day work.

openstop · 26/05/2023 08:19

Babyroobs · 26/05/2023 08:17

It does make me chuckle a bit when people keep kids in nursery on mat leave- I do understand that places need to be kept open. I have a friend currently on mat leave and her 3 year old still goes to nursery 4 full days a week. She moans how terrible it is to have them both together for one day a week which makes me laugh. I jokingly told her yesterday how I had 3 under 4 at home for a years mat leave with my third, looked after them all week on my own and then worked nights at the weekend. She was horrified and said she couldn't understand how I did it ! I know it's not a competition as to who had it the hardest and when my kids were born 20 years ago housing was so much more affordable but I do think sometimes people don't realize how easy they have it.

Show quote history

Clearly she doesnt "have it easy" or she wouldn't be opening up to you about how she's struggling.

Glittertwins · 26/05/2023 08:19

Have you got a full breakdown of your incomings and outgoings so you can see what could be pared back temporarily rather than giving up work?

We had a lot less than that coming in when ours were in nursery and I only got SMP, nothing extra. Even with the cost of inflation etc it was half of your income. Things definitely improved once they were out of nursery and better jobs came along.