To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

When I had two under 3 and went back to work nursery was £100 a day each, so I went for a nanny who was £120 a day for both. Is that an option? It was an instant saving.

It’s maternity leave though isn’t it, and childcare costs. It is a lot. My DS will be 2 years 7 months when his brother / sister is born, we are keeping him in nursery three days a week and that is about £700 until his free hours kick in which will be January.

I do think that teachers and nurses deserve more but I also think we may have lost sight of the fact that money is tight for many people when on maternity leave and with preschool children.

It's tough having 2 close together, childcare in the younger years is just the start of it. Wraparound care is still expensive even after nursery is over, and it's tough juggling all the activities that primary aged kids want to do especially if you work weekends. Then they'll both be in exam years at the same time, uni at the same time too.

I have a 4 year gap so it's more manageable but I'd rather have had a smaller gap as it's better for the dc's to be able to play together. It just costs a lot but in the long term your dcs will have a better relationship.

Childcare is definitely the killer-it annoys me
so much that people spend such high proportions of their wages on it, yet most
nursery workers are on really low wages!

I know you say things will be much better when the funded hours come in-have you worked out how much less you’ll be paying and what difference will that make on a monthly basis? The government have been very disingenuous about the wording for this and it should be called ‘partially funded’ hours…

I see others have said you have probably had some decent pay rises if you’ve been teaching a while, but if your school is anything like mine, once you’ve been teaching a handful of years, you’re on the top of the main pay scale and there’s no money in the school budget to let you go onto UPS, so you’re stuck and getting an effective pay cut year after year!

YANBU. You do a job that’s essential to the functioning of our society, and you deserve to be paid enough to live in our society without it being a total binfire.

I can’t believe people are speaking as if having a family is a luxury product, instead of a normal part of life.

I was in a similar situation a few years back, and I took the figures to my manager and his manager, and I said look, you want a person’s labour but you’re not paying what costs, and I’m basically subsidising the organisation by working here. They shrugged, and muttered stuff about bands. I quit, and now make considerably more, but I shouldn’t have had to do that.

Me too ! Although you are super fertile after having on baby.

one.

“My point is that 2 working people who have gone to Uni, work difficult public sector jobs shouldn't have to take up a second job just to make ends meet because of the CoL. “

It isn’t because of the CoL increase though. That might be the straw that broke the camel’s back, but the issue here is the short term 2x nursery fees + maternity leave.

You said your food bill is £60-£100 depending what you’re having - keep repeating the £60 weeks. That’s £40 a week for you without any second job.

It's always been wildly expensive to have 2 children in nursery, sure prices have gone up a bit but it's always been something everyone I know that has children has planned around when planning a family. I agree with a PP though surely you'd make more money doing a day of supply or working 5 days as a teacher than working a random job at weekends? If your DH is clinical can he pick up the odd bank or locum shift? You both have in demand qualifications and skills, there's a shortage of both teachers and clinical staff so if you're smart about it you can boost your household income without much additional work. Plenty of people work 5 days a week so even if you did 1 extra day a week it'd be the same as a lot of people.

I think you are getting a pretty hard time. Yes nursery fees are always going to be expensive but the massive increase in food costs and a mortgage hike is enough to make it difficult. Also its a bit ridiculous questioning why you have 2 children, you have 2 kids, doesn't matter what decisions you made to have them in the past. Circumstances change all the time, we were on a crazy salary when I got pregnant with DS2 then DH made redundant when he was 6 weeks old and had to live off £1300 pm for 6 months.

I don't necessarily have any financial advice. But I've gone back to work early both times and made breastfeeding work. My eldest was a bottle refuser and I put him to nursery at 9m while I did 4x12h shifts a week. I gave him 2 small cartons of formula in a Tommy tippee cup, he only ever drank 1. I never expressed and he just fed on demand a couple times a night and then everytime we had days off together until he weaned at 18m.

With regards to the treats..kids literally have no idea you are skint. We were talking to our eldest about the time DH was at home and how we had no money and he was shocked. They do not care at all what money you spend. We went to the park every day and took snacks. Snacks were a pack of custard creams...not the expensive pre packaged kid snacks. If we wanted ice cream we bought a pack of cones and had great fun with it at home. I washed the car the other day and the kids helped and got to play up and down the street on their big toys while I did it...eldest said it was the best day of his whole life. He much preferred that to the weekend before when we spend £120 on a safari park for them.

But you chose to have another child.

The younger years of multiple kids in nursery are tough financially. We specfically spaced our DC out to minimise the overlap - we earn more than your household income but are in the SE and did find we had to be concious with money/ budgeting which felt ridiculous on a houseold income of over £100k. It's not ideal, but it is relatively short lived. You have to just get through the next two years and then things will start to get easier. I even know people who took our loans to cover it.

80k is absolutely not enough to live on nowadays

Hmm, context is important here, I think-mortgage costs, area of country etc We earn that in the South East. We don’t have two in nursery but have two in university which is also eye-watering expensive. Friends of ours earning less, fall under the cut off point, so their DC gets a full maintenance loan and they don’t have to give him any money each month to pay for rent/bills/food.

I think many women find it tough with nursery fees and trying to work

It’s very expensive, we couldn’t use nursery as I got home too late back then

Oh, and both mine went into childcare at around 12 months, but both BF till they were over 2. So you can absolutely continue with that around nursery/ work.

Isn’t there anywhere in your area that offers the free 30hrs for 2year olds. Thats could help use save a bit. My son is in an ELC and has been since he was 2 with the free hours plus you can pay for extra hours if needed, that help me save a fortune on childcare and i was able to up my hours again

You only get funding at 2 if you’re on certain benefits or if your child has certain conditions, most people don’t qualify

I think that a lot of people on here have a very naive view about housing costs elsewhere in the country, as if a home can be picked up for peanuts outside london and the south east.

For comparison, here is a house in an area of the country I know to be very expensive.

Then this is close to where I live. Yes a little cheaper but not an awful lot. Yet posters believe the midlands to be somewhere a house can be picked up with pocket change (not quite but you get the idea.)

It is true some places are generally more expensive and some cheaper but the only places with really cheap houses do tend to be ones that to be honest you really wouldn’t want to live and raise a family in.

My point is that 2 working people who have gone to Uni, work difficult public sector jobs shouldn't have to take up a second job just to make ends meet because of the CoL. I'm sorry but the public sector job thing is an absolute irrelevance. All people doing any job on that salary will be hit by the costs of having two children in childcare. It depends so much on things like your mortgage. And you are choosing to work part time. You might sniff at the extra money but if that extra day is going to up your income by even £20 a week overall it might be worth considering. Or you are basically deferring your extra day work to a weekend day - that will save on childcare. The standard working week is 5 days, if you don't do 5 days then yes things will be tougher.

I’m really no sorry but 80k sounds like a huge amount. We live on much less than that with two kids. Much, much less.

@Ponderingwindow
Nope as if you get a weekend job and your partner only works weekdays you don't have to worry about childcare costs for the second job.

This is what I do. I work for NHS during the week and do one night shift at the weekend (11pm to 7am) at a hotel.

Oh, and if you wanted more money, could you pick up some tutoring on weekends/ evenings?

Those houses are recently done up though. Fancy kitchens and bathrooms, large gardens, a garage. These all come at an extra cost. Not saying it isn't expensive to buy a house but if you choose to live in a house like that you accept it will cost you more.

Same here. We have a household income of around 66k. Both working full time. Soon to have 2 kids in Uni at the same time. Student loans not enough to cover accomodation and living. DS depressed at the moment and wanting to switch Unis which if he starts all over again will be another year. He is trying to get a job but with his health at the moment we don't want to push him too much with that. We ahve potentially the next 5 years of helping them through Uni by which time I will be 60. Neither me nor dh in good health ourselves. There are different pressures at different times in life but it does seem to be never ending.

Maybe people should lower their sights on what sort of house they can actually afford.