To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

Don’t be horrible. She clearly says that DC2 was a surprise, and they do happen.

I am astonished that someone potentially teaching my children is struggling with a household income of 80k or even 40k!!!

Did you not realise how costly childcare is?

My eldest is 23

We paid for childcare from our salaries, no free hours.

So imagine being paid so you didn’t have to rely on the government for free hours? Who thought that would be a good idea? Few years of childcare V being underpaid the rest of your career.

How can your food bills have “rocketed” since baby having solids? They barely eat anything! You can just mash up or blend your own food??or are you buying expensive shop bought purées?
in which case stop doing that.
you haven’t got king to go until oldest starts school and things will improve. I am also guessing you are early 30’s with ten years working (?)so time for promotions and earning more too.
really you have another 15 years of paying for child stuff maybe longer and you just have to make choices or earn more I think.
I’m nearly out the other end and it is hard but you’ll both have great pensions which is a plus.

All adults know how babies happen. Most contraceptives are 99% effective. I’m always amazed by how many ‘surprise’ pregnancies there are on here and IRL.

But if OP isn't earning 40k then it might make more sense?

I dunnon its too early for the maths in my brain so I shall defer to you!

When you're told you can't have kids anymore and then you get pregnant I would call that a surprise. Contraception fails. Etc etc

But even then there are options.

It's frustrating when people complain about the situation they have willing put themselves in.

All adults know how babies happen. Most contraceptives are 99% effective. I’m always amazed by how many ‘surprise’ pregnancies there are on here and IRL.
I was on the pill for my first child, second pill and condoms too. We have 4 kids. I know three people who were the same, in the same breath I sadly know a few people who were trying for years and didn’t have children.

Wow, helpful post

Maybe op can shove youngest back inside until older one is getting funded hours?

@drusillabee if you're working 4 days, could you get a Saturday job, no extra childcare needed and if you get a job in a supermarket you will get a discount as well which will help with bills

We paid for childcare from our salaries, no free hours.

How much was the childcare?

We’re 2 under 2. Income less than £60k. Bills rocketed. It’s hard but doable.

I agree. You choose to have two children close together, unfortunately that's expensive.

@drpet49 stop being so judgemental - she already said baby #2 was a surprise. You don't know the circumstances people are under which may mean that they have 2 children close together. Take your unhelpful comment and shove it. Too early for people like you on a Friday morning.

OP - It's hardly anyone else's fault that you've not introduced a bottle sooner.
It surely makes sense now as a teacher to go back now anyway, you'll only need childcare for 5/6 weeks and then be off over the summer - which will be presumably paid?

The issue is an 80k income doesn't go that far now. Because of inflation it's equivalent to about 50k in the mid 00s & life was cheaper then plus salaries have stagnated.

2 dc close together is always going to be £££ in terms of childcare but it will get better.

Well that's fucking mental

People JUDGING you on a parents site for fucking HAVING CHILDREN !!!

What. The. Utter. Fuck 🤦‍♀️

Yes, it's very hard paying for 2 nurseries - it's probably 2000-3000 pounds a month of cold hard cash

Ignore any twats OP

You are a perfect example of the middle income JAM's (just about managings)

@drusillabee are you getting tax free child care? That would help a bit if you're not.
Tutoring on a night or weekend around your dh job would also top up.
💐

To clarify, my eldest is only in nursery 2 mornings a week whilst I'm on MAT leave. This is to give me a break. Also, we saved for this whilst I was still pregnant. When I return to work the kids will be in nursery 3 days. My mum & MIL are helping out on the 4th.

My point isn't 'oh feel sorry for me we earn X amount and it still isn't enough'.

My point is that 2 working people who have gone to Uni, work difficult public sector jobs shouldn't have to take up a second job just to make ends meet because of the CoL.

Working an extra day to only have a minuscule extra after paying for childcare doesn't make sense.

It makes more sense for me to work a weekend day where DH can be home with the kids. Unfortunately I can't just do that in my teaching job as there aren't any kids to teach on a weekend!

Also, I have an autoimmune condition that makes it very unlikely for me to fall pregnant. Even if you do, miscarriages are how it's usually diagnosed. Stats are 20% chance of falling pregnant naturally. I guess I was lucky with DC2.

I'm sorry you're having to go back from mat leave earlier than you would have wanted. Mat pay truly is crap, statutory then down to nothing, and we're expected to look after a human with diminished funds whilst also paying for bills etc that we're there pre baby.

Do you have any baby items that little one is no longer using that you could sell on gumtree or ebay? Any clothes that no longer fit, toys that are just taking up space and never get played with, etc. Could bring in some extra money to help with things a bit hopefully. Hopefully your household funds will be better once you're back working, but it's crap you're having to do this.

Wishing you all the best 💛 enjoy your last week off with your baby, don't be hard on yourself for going back to work either. You're doing your best to provide for your children xx

It jumped out at me that you say you don't get any government help . If your joint income is £80k (I'm guessing as a teacher with 10 years experience you're on c. £28k for 4 days and DH on less that £60k) you should be eligible for at least some child benefit? If DH earns between £50k-£60k you can claim it and he can pay a proportion back through his tax code. That should be around £35 a week with 2 children.

Also look into tax free childcare. The government top up your payments into a childcare pot by 20%. https://www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

Thank you everyone for your more helpful comments.

We are very frugal. God knows when the last time we bought this for ourselves! I've put on some weight after DC2, it didn't just 'drop off' after it did with DC1. I don't fit into a lot of my old clothes. I'm literally wearing the same three outfits on rotation.

I purchase a lot of DCs clothes on vinted to save money and selling their old clothes on there too!

The thing is we can manage on our income alone, but we're sacrificing everything else. ll the fun things you want to do whilst your babies are still small.

I don't want to have to think about buying my kids something as simple as ice cream.

I teach ESL online at the weekend. I wouldn't have survived without this and It actually pays much more than my normal teaching job. I'm thinking of doing it full time.

Don't be so ridiculous. Of course it is.

The vast majority of the population are on nowhere near that.

If you post your budget I bet there are some places that it could be trimmed, to allow a little extra for those ‘treats’?

80k does seem like an ok income for the Midlands but it’ll all depend on your outgoings, debt etc. have you sat down and looked at where every penny is going?