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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

581 replies

drusillabee · 26/05/2023 00:06

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

OP posts:
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5
Dacadactyl · 26/05/2023 08:19

drusillabee · 26/05/2023 00:33

@Ponoka7 everyone in our school is on the main pay scale for teaching. It's a pretty standard salary. What you earn depends how long you've been teaching.

I live in the midlands. God knows where the low earners live.

Is your mortgage crazily high or something? Your outgoings must be ludicrous.

80k and still struggling in the Midlands seems off to me (by no means saying that in an arsey way, just wondering).

Babyroobs · 26/05/2023 08:21

openstop · 26/05/2023 08:19

Clearly she doesnt "have it easy" or she wouldn't be opening up to you about how she's struggling.

Show quote history

Oh come on are you for real ! She has two very easy kids and has them on her own one day a week !! Laughable. The baby is the most chilled baby ever.

Original poster
drusillabee · 26/05/2023 08:21

@Glittertwins yeah we've cut back on a lotttt. Mostly things for the kids.

No more soft play or meals out or the odd hot chocolate treat for my toddler.

During the winter we utilised the library and children's centres as free activities and thank god for the warm weather as kids enjoy the park.

OP posts:
openstop · 26/05/2023 08:22

curtainsfringe · 26/05/2023 08:08

Maybe with the CoL it means people will move I to those "less desirable" areas and they will become more desirable? There's some really cheap ex mining towns in Wales.

What is the job situation in those areas?

Well yeah exactly.. Rubbish but I'm wondering if WFH types might start exploring them. It's just pondering about if this might start to improve things for those settlements.

FrodisCapering · 26/05/2023 08:22

*you're

openstop · 26/05/2023 08:23

drusillabee · 26/05/2023 08:21

@Glittertwins yeah we've cut back on a lotttt. Mostly things for the kids.

No more soft play or meals out or the odd hot chocolate treat for my toddler.

During the winter we utilised the library and children's centres as free activities and thank god for the warm weather as kids enjoy the park.

That's fine though. Toddlers don't need soft play or meals out.

Sunshineandflipflops · 26/05/2023 08:24

I'm sorry you are struggling op. I work in public sector and don't get payrises either and am also a single parent - it's tough. I did go from 4 days a week to full time recently though with the cost of living being the way it is - is this an option or you?

I am long past nursery fees, thankfully, but when my first was born, I only received maternity pay for 6 months so had to return to work at that point and 9 months with my second, so I do feel a pang of envy when I hear people expecting to take a year off.

Strawberrypineapple · 26/05/2023 08:25

I am never going to apologise for doing something that makes my life easier and that is also beneficial for my child(ren). I don’t mind at all others making different choices, but don’t mock me for mine.

openstop · 26/05/2023 08:26

mrsblueskyeye · 26/05/2023 08:11

To clarify, my eldest is only in nursery 2 mornings a week whilst I'm on MAT leave. This is to give me a break.

Sorry? You need to get your priorities right. Saying you are struggling but send your eldest to nursery whilst you are off? Lost all sympathy.

Oh and back in the 'olden days' when houses cost pennies and everything was rosey (mid 80s) I had to work 5 days a week and get a weekend job, whilst my DH did overtime. T'was always thus.

Those 2 mornings at nursery are hardly anything, if the kid isn't going to soft play etc they are going to be learning from those two mornings. Keeps them in the routine so they are ok to go back full time. Gives mum time with the little one. Just because you coped ok without a break doesn't mean OP can.

orangegato · 26/05/2023 08:26

80k between you is around 5k net. Less childcare, £3.8k. Unless your mortgage is over 2k I’m not sure where the money is going?

Obviously mat leave is less but it’s temporary.

SunnyEgg · 26/05/2023 08:27

orangegato · 26/05/2023 08:26

80k between you is around 5k net. Less childcare, £3.8k. Unless your mortgage is over 2k I’m not sure where the money is going?

Obviously mat leave is less but it’s temporary.

What’s the breakdown like op?

Original poster
drusillabee · 26/05/2023 08:28

Sunshineandflipflops · 26/05/2023 08:24

I'm sorry you are struggling op. I work in public sector and don't get payrises either and am also a single parent - it's tough. I did go from 4 days a week to full time recently though with the cost of living being the way it is - is this an option or you?

I am long past nursery fees, thankfully, but when my first was born, I only received maternity pay for 6 months so had to return to work at that point and 9 months with my second, so I do feel a pang of envy when I hear people expecting to take a year off.

This sounds like my situation to a T. Honestly I don't want to work 5 days to have to send my kids to nursery on the 5th day. The tiny extra income just isn't worth it. I'm better off doing tuition in the evening/weekends.

The plan is to go back to 5 days onceDC gets her funded hours.

Thankfully DC2 will qualify for 15 hours when she turns 2 which will make a huuuuuge difference.

OP posts:
DisquietintheRanks · 26/05/2023 08:29

SunnyEgg · 26/05/2023 08:18

Paying nursery when you’re on ML is going to be expensive for anyone

It’s up to you but some of these things will add up to what you’ll earn on that weekend day work.

This. Mine are teens and I don't know anyone who kept their toddler in nursery whilst on maternity leave. It's a luxury few can afford.

I am sorry you are finding things tough right now and I do think childcare should be better subsidised but, at the end of the day you both earn well and any compromises to your lifestyle will be pretty short lived.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/05/2023 08:29

Ponderingwindow · 26/05/2023 04:07

Aren’t you likely to make more working as a teacher 5 days instead of 4 instead of picking up a random weekend job?:

Presumably that means an extra day of childcare, whereas working a weekend day doesn't.

Simianwalk · 26/05/2023 08:29

DiIIy · 26/05/2023 00:33

As shit as it is, it's standard when having children.

I disagree. It's become standard. It definitely wasn't. I had 3 under 4 and we managed with me working 3 days, DH did one day of childcare and 2 days at childminder. We had cheap holidays, ran a car, paid a mortgage etc. Now we have 3 teens I work full time, as does DH. They are not particularly expensive teens. Happy to wear second hand clothes. Work so don't need much allowance. But we are skint all the time. Both our careers have put us in much higher positions Which should mean we are earning much more. However inflation has completely sucked this.
I feel so sorry for people that don't want to return to work but have to. I managed to have a year off with each of them, and then any work part-time until they went to secondary school.

Livinghappy · 26/05/2023 08:31

It will get better..the time before returning to work is an anxious time which is understandable and you are in the most expensive stage.

I think many people, in private & public sector, would struggle financially when they have 2 very young children. It's just the way it is...but it gets so much better so just know that your life won't always feel like this.

When I was on mat leave I had to cut back so drastically and it became an ingrained habit, so much so that I struggled to spend money a few years later.

ILikePizzas · 26/05/2023 08:35

Well, a second job might only get you up to working full time. You're only part time at the moment.

openstop · 26/05/2023 08:36

Babyroobs · 26/05/2023 08:21

Oh come on are you for real ! She has two very easy kids and has them on her own one day a week !! Laughable. The baby is the most chilled baby ever.

Show quote history

Just because you find it easy doesn't mean your "friend" does. She's opening up to you and you find her laughable. Poor friend.

HelloShitty123 · 26/05/2023 08:36

It's just the time of life you're in.

You've had 2 kids in 3 years so about 18 months where you haven't been working and have been on MAT leave. So it's not like you've never 'taken out of the pot' that you've paid taxes into.

It'll be better when your free childcare hours kick in.

Unsure33 · 26/05/2023 08:37

I would not go back to work to make £700 . If you stayed at home for a while you could trf your tax allowance to your husband for a start and you would have no travelling costs ect . Your job would still be there in a year as there is a shortage of teachers.

Beezknees · 26/05/2023 08:38

It's shit now but nursery fees don't last forever. In 3 years time you'll be comfortable again.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/05/2023 08:39

orangegato · 26/05/2023 08:26

80k between you is around 5k net. Less childcare, £3.8k. Unless your mortgage is over 2k I’m not sure where the money is going?

Obviously mat leave is less but it’s temporary.

This. OP, you say you are 'very frugal'. But you are running out of money, so must be spending it somewhere and I'm not sure it's just childcare costs and your mortgage (which is how much?) as you wouldn't qualify for a £2k mortgage payment on a £5k income.

Have you reviewed your spending? Can you cut back somewhere? Maybe post on here if you want suggestions, or if you want a really brutal assessment, post on Moneysaving Expert because if you think MN comments are harsh, that's nothing compared with what MSE will say.

brunettemic · 26/05/2023 08:39

openstop · 26/05/2023 07:55

My point is that 2 working people who have gone to Uni, work difficult public sector jobs shouldn't have to take up a second job just to make ends meet because of the CoL. I'm sorry but the public sector job thing is an absolute irrelevance. All people doing any job on that salary will be hit by the costs of having two children in childcare. It depends so much on things like your mortgage. And you are choosing to work part time. You might sniff at the extra money but if that extra day is going to up your income by even £20 a week overall it might be worth considering. Or you are basically deferring your extra day work to a weekend day - that will save on childcare. The standard working week is 5 days, if you don't do 5 days then yes things will be tougher.

Exactly, glad I’m not the only one who thought that.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 26/05/2023 08:39

The thing is OP you have mentioned about going back to work before baby is 9 months but forget to mention your only back at work 7 weeks then your off for 6 weeks.... paid! I know a lot of teachers that do this... it makes financial sense.
You also only need childcare term time as you work term time. You have help 1 day a week with childcare also.
A hell of a lot of people don't have that option. So there is a lot of positives.
A lot of people don't get the maternity pay that you get.
I work in the NHS and do shift work around my husband who works Monday to Friday with flexitime. We have our parents who can look after our child one day a week if needed.
We had to do this in order to have children as childcare needs are all year round (not just term time) so yes I miss out on some weekends as I'm in bed for night shift, don't get a lot of bank holidays off, have to rearrange Christmas as I work Christmas Day every other year. But all in all it works for us and I know that there are people who don't have these options.
No options are perfect... but you do have it better than a lot of people

Unsure33 · 26/05/2023 08:40

It’s not just public sector that don’t get pay rises by the way . My father was in farming and my mother worked in a supermarket . Both of them earnt a pittance . We went to neighbours when my mum worked .

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