To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

What is your mortgage payments? What's your DH salary? Could you live off just his salary for a couple of years?

It’s the mat leave and two in nursery at the same time which is doing it though. We waited to ttc until Dd would get the funded hours on mat leave then be in school when DC2 goes to nursery. I know you said DC2 was a surprise but that’s why you’re struggling. If your situation had happened to us we would be in a similar position with the high childcare costs. jst get through the next couple of years, put essentials on credit card if you need to and you’ll be in a much better position when DC1 goes to school.

It was a struggle for us during that spell of 2 in nursery but fine since. You need to tough it out for this little bit then you'll be fine. You have a high household income compared to many.

This. Escpeciallg living in the Midlands. Why did you choose to have 2 children so close together?

Take some responsibility for the situation you have found yourself in.

Same here, I did this and worked extra jobs for 10 years it was beyond shit. This is life for people now unless they get a big inheritance. Life is great now DS has grown up but I remember doing bank nights because we had nothing left 2 weeks into the month.
I had a job in a nursing home as well as my nhs job and DS was allowed to sleep in a spare room there.
Friends of mine just gave up work during their childrens early years and lived off benefits but I wanted my own home and a career.
Now I'm in my 60's I think if I had my time again I would have taken 2-3 years off it wasn't worth it.

If your household income is £80k you shouldn't be 'just struggling through' with £1200 of childcare costs.

Sorry you're in this situation. I would definitely be looking at mortgage options until your first child gets 30 hours. Either a mortgage break or remortgaging to extend term/reduce payments.

Would you not be better making your job full time rather thank looking for less well paid weekend work?

I genuinely just think this is what happens to most people when they have two children in childcare. Not a lot you can do about it. If one parent is having to go part time plus you have extra outgoings that just is what it is. I don't know many people, teachers or not, who wouldn't take a massive financial hit during those years.

That's what I thought but I guess it saves them a day's child care

I imagine they are saving on childcare for the 1 day though

A days wage is unlikely to bring in less money than the cost of a day at nursery.

This is life with small kids. I left my (now) 2.5 year old and 4 year old to return to work when they were both 3 months old. Leaving them at 9 months would have been the dream.

Having a 2yo in full time nursery while you're home with the baby is really not going to be helping, and it's a shame that you made that decision without looking at costs first. Much cheaper playgroup options exist for some morning play, then you could move into preschool + childminder and it would all be a lot cheaper, allowing you to take more time off if that's what you want.

A 9mo eats barely anything, so your bills can't have "rocketed" unless you're being silly. Cut the wasteful stuff off your shopping now. Serve buttered toast, veg and some strips of meat; mash veg into pastry for treats, bits from a dinner for the whole family etc. If you start the baby off now thinking egg custard is a meal then you're setting up no end of food battles later too.

I've sympathy on the bills, it's an expensive time of life anyway with childcare and a mortgage, never mind all the cost increases. This phase only lasts a few years, so while you need to get used to budgeting for this period rest assured you'll be out the other side in a few years time.

For two kids?

And that extra day is most likely taxed.

surely anybody struggling on any income is living well above their means?

a lot of snarky people on threads like these conveniently forget people on lower wagers are topped up by the government. Those amounts are never included.

There are two issues here.

1. it would need extra childcare. A weekend job would not.
2. a full time teaching job would need weekend work. That weekend work would not be paid extra.

Having kids is a hugely expensive hobby.

I do think we should support young families more, but the reality is that we currently don't. Meanwhile maternity expectations have got longer and longer. It was three months, later on four months, with my kids. That was it.

It's a really hard time financially if you don't have family to provide childcare. Have you considered changing career for flexibility rather than more money, as an other option, for either of you? Healthcare could be nightshifts for example. Or working afternoon and evening in a community college. We used to do that, and swap kids as one walked in and the other walked out.

Obviously all options are a bit shit but such are the realities of young kids in nursery while both parents are in work. It costs so much!

I don't really think this is a teacher/nhs pay issue. It's a slightly unfortunate timing of having two children requiring nursery places issue/poor maternity/shared parental leave issue.

Hello OP I really feel for you. 80k is absolutely not enough to live on nowadays in any sensible sense, no matter what the snarks say. I think it's terrible that people who have given their whole careers to helping others find that actually they're fucked, and should have gone into some morally bankrupt business. It's awful and this government need to go f* themselves.

What it absolutely is!

Have you considered going cold turkey with the breast feeding? DD1 wouldn't drink from a bottle (ever) and also rejected the cup. Once I went cold turkey and had other people offer her the cup she took it. It was heartbreaking for a few days because she just wanted breast feeding, but it worked.

Having a 2yo in full time nursery while you're home with the baby is really not going to be helping, and it's a shame that you made that decision without looking at costs first.

At the moment it's a huge risk to take a child out of nursery when you need another space in 9 months time, to be fair.

This is a really hard time financially compounded by the CoL crisis. We’re both doctors but couldn’t have managed our mortgage, bills and childcare costs if we had two in nursery now. The funded hours and then school years will be easier. When I was a kid, my dad worked three jobs (one full time, two part time) and my mum worked two jobs (one full time, one part time) to keep us afloat. It was shit, and I’m not saying it as something to aspire to because it’s clearly not. They did what they had to do to survive. I wish the socio-political environment was different but assuming that won’t change, people have always had to make shitty decisions in shitty circumstances.

Yes, half of the wages of on day of two adults with a combined income of £80k will not be less than the childcare.