To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

Re: the NHS bindings, I wonder if OP's DH is a bit older ? it would be very unusual to be a Band 8 @ 26. Also there is absolutely punitive pension contributions in the NHS scheme once you earn above £40 or £50K. As a PP said the CHB penalty is on taxable income so won't kick in at a shade above £50k more like £55-60.

www.nhsemployers.org/articles/pension-contributions-and-tax-relief

OP do make sure you (well your DH) are getting tax relief on your child care and/ or childcare credit as your DH moves into the HRT this will be worth more. Unfortunately this is a really sticky salary point with an effective marginal tax rate of 60-70%. It is worth doing everything you can to reduce this. Most NHS trusts have a childcare coordinator employed to help employees navigate these complexities- worth a try ?

https://www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

Also in my trust if you use the onsite nursery they will take it from your salary pre-tax.

I hear all the problems regarding the cost of living, childcare problems, little funding for this and that. Food bills of this amount and that amount. This society has gone to pot. I wish people could appreciate what they have and are given. We are so lucky to have what we have, but unfortunately as humans we are not satisfied as throughout history we want more, we feel entitled to it. Am glad I live in this country without a doubt, wonder why so many others want to.

Free nursery hours - what do you mean?

They went up to 30 hours quite recently for three year olds

Do you mean 15 hours prior to that

@Leila2022

It was only in the Victorian age, that middle class mothers stayed at home, as a status symbol

I have to disagree with this, my Mum was a workaholic (like her friends without kids) in the 80s/90s, but the majority of other Mothers at my primary school and 1/3 in family did not work.

Most had degrees and may have gone back to work later. But my Mum was the exception mostly, not the rule at that point.

Going back a generation one Grandmother was a SAHM for the entirety of her children’s childhood. The other was for the earlier portion and then went to teach.

30 hours was introduced in 2017 so 6 years ago, I'd say some Xers still had 3 year olds 6 years ago. Before that yes 15 free hours and CTC for the rest even for HRT payers. I had mine in 2004 & 2006. Our childcare bill was covered by CTC taken before tax. From memory it was about £700 after tax £400 before for 2 children.

Agree they could. It was the Tony Blair reference I was wondering about for free hours. He wasn’t in in 2017 for the 30 but probably for the 15

It got cheaper for us between two of the dc. It really helped.

Tony Blair introduced the free hours, then they were extended, I guess I was comparing to those saying they had babies in the 80's or 90's.

I hear you. I'm a teacher too. My husband and I are on a very good joint salary of more than £115k a year household income but we are struggling. Last year, even with a good salary I was paying more for childcare per day than I was earning (2 kids close in age at nursery before the 30 hours kicked in). Even when my eldest turned 3, it didn't make much of a difference.

YANBU OP. I know so many working two or three jobs and if they don’t manage to juggle everything they get criticised. Meanwhile costs have been rising although they will go down soon

My kids are teens, 2 in uni (one living at home) and 1 in school. Im contracted to work 30 hours per week and currently covering staff on my day off so 37 now, plus a part time job on Sunday 5 hours. Just to put into my savings. Im exhausted. Im at work now, its quiet and i hate it. I have already handed in my notice

I have already made a meal planner to save on time and money. But when you have a 15 yr old boy they eat!

We had two under two, I was lucky to be able to take an extra year off as a career break / using parental leave (can't remember if it was a mix) and went back when my oldest was 3 and the 30 hours kicked in. I chose to move jobs at this time anyway but it kept the option open to go back to my civil service career.. but as a science /maths teacher you could easily pick up a new role I think? Have you thought about just stopping for longer, maybe picking up some weekend/evening tutoring and not paying for childcare? You'd get the extra time with your youngest and finances won't be much different - as others have said your husband's take home should be over 3k and your outgoings without childcare are under 2k. Or if he wants to stay home do a combo where you're both part time for a while. I absolutely don't regret taking an extra year off with my kids and my mum, who was poorly at the time. This works though because we have open shared money, we both get paid into one account and I tend to sort out finances for us both. It sounds like you may not have the same view of family income.

You mustn’t break your heart over it. Back in the day we only had 26 weeks leave and mine were breast fed. It was heartbreaking but actually they were fine. Nursery fees are hard but will not be forever. Try to wean your kids on to normal food as much as possible and cook from scratch (not master chef standard obviously!). It seems overwhelming at the time but it’s over in a flash.

We would have been royally f**d if essential workers were told to stay home wouldnt we? Always ends up with people blaming other people instead of accepting if anyone is to blame for what we went through its mainly the government. Who would be unpleasant to a nurse or doctor, binman or shop worker because they risked their lives tor us?

I'm 67. Only one of my contemporary friends could afford to stay at home until her youngest started school. Her husband had a very well-paid job in Fleet Street in the days when it was a closed shop and the unions ensured they were well paid. The others all had to work at least part-time. Some of their husbands got jobs that meant an early start/early finish so that their wives/partners could do 9-5.

Only two of them were able to buy houses before the age of 30, too. One of those two were only able to buy thanks to a scheme the (much maligned) GLC were doing, where you could get 100% mortgage through them to buy empty homes that needed a lot of work.

I agree with you. I had ny kids in the very early 80s. Most of my friends either didnt work until their kids were a bit older maybe 8-10, I was one of the few working ridic hours. But we all choose priorities . We chose a lovely house with a big, fat mortgage and an endowment policy that almost equalled the mortgage! It was maybe 12 years of pain!

All of our kids at uni at the same time, no chance of any allowance. As they left uni, we breathed. We paid their rents and gave them enough to just live on, but x 3 that hurt. We enjoyed an au pair, or rather several which helped enormously.

I worked nights so the au pairs did school pick ups. I took school holidays off, as I worked bank…so zero hour equivalent jobs. My kids now, all in their 40s dont remember me working punishing hours. The joy in our 50s when our mortgage was paid off and there was a lump sum as well, made the struggle worth while.

My mum in the 50s as a working class woman didnt work, most of her friends didnt work. They could have really used the money but the husbands wouldnt allow their wives to work!

@LakieLady

Exactly

The idea that an ideal of a wife at home while the man worked hard and patted her head of a night once he'd had his dinner existed is nonsense.

It maybe existed for a select few wealthy or middle class people for a few years but throughout history women have always worked. They had to

And why anyone would think its an ideal we should be striving for, I've no idea

Being a SAHP is not an ideal I would encourage for myself or my children. Yes it's hard being a working parent, you need to do everything a SAHP does plus a part/full time job. My husband and I are exhausted....its life.

I agree it's awful.

If it's any consolation, and I'm sure it probably isn't, the childcare years are your most skint. Hang in there and things get so much better as they get older. But too much of the burden is placed on young parents IMO

Welcome to toryville. If you all keep voting them in don't be surprised when they shaft you. Never mind, soon it'll be just like the US where we are all just one serious medical emergency away from bankruptcy and people offer their kids for adoption on zuckerbook because they realise they can't afford another 'surprise'.

Me too. I don’t want this

@Solonge if you read my previous posts I have clearly said throughout that the government prioritised specific groups of people over others financially.

The death rate of covid was 1-2% largely in groups of elderly and vulnerable who wouldn’t have been at work anyway or could make other arrangements.

It was not Ebola.

We had 12 bereavements over the period 6 covid, 6 people who failed to get medical attention because of covid (lack of face to face gp, tests/operations not carried out).
So I do understand the risk to human life, but arguably there was a lot of damage caused too.

Anyone who was told to stay home and not work was royally fucked.

My issue with people like OP is the constant complaining and moaning at the first sign of slight disruption to their very good lives.

An ice cream missed out on and the hands are in the air with a woe is me attitude.

I find that unpleasant. Ungrateful. And out of touch with reality.

They should be grateful for all they’ve been given and the very good position they are still in.

@Solonge
We chose a lovely house with a big, fat mortgage and an endowment policy that almost equalled the mortgage! It was maybe 12 years of pain!

Exactly the same as my parents.

My mum in the 50s as a working class woman didnt work, most of her friends didnt work. They could have really used the money but the husbands wouldnt allow their wives to work!

Yep 100% - my grandmother who was a SAHM from 0-18 (50s-70s) eventually had her friends come over and plead with her husband to let her work part time in civil service when they allowed married women back in.

The other told of how she had to fight to be allowed to learn to drive and to go back to part time teaching…

It was a different time entirely but not so long ago.

Also to add to this @Solange as I recall for the second lockdown at the end of 2020 - March 2021, vaccine with good efficacy was already rolled out so the risk at this point was radically reduced. Provided people had their jabs.

Anyway I don’t wish to detract from the point of the thread further.

My whole issue with OP was they are claiming poverty and saying all is unfair when far from it!! Extremely lucky.