To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

Another one who didn't read the thread! OP has a child in full-time nursery while she's home, and a "D"H pocketing a lot of the money that's earned, which is why the sums aren't adding up on costs nor income. She CAN afford a comfortable lifestyle if she changes either of those things.

@Robinni

They didn't have a massive financial advantage.

They were paid to work. They didn't have 'preferential treatment'. The govt didn't sit and think. Mmmm. I wonder who we can fuck up the most.

The people who had the biggest advantage were those who could wfh.

No risk. And that had nothing to do with being public sector or not.

And that was certainly not health care workers or carers.

On the school front that was entirely school and LA dependent. My kids school shut completely and did everything they possibly could to avoid taking kids

Your black and white view doesn't reflect reality

@ToK1

I know you like a good argument.

I have not said about healthcare workers specifically, anyone on the essential list and especially the WFHers.

We can agree to disagree.

I really can’t unsee the experiences I had, anymore than you can change your perspective from what you experienced.

What I can say is OP and similar need to put their big girl pants on and get on with it!!

Have a lovely evening 💐

Sorry if this has been said so many reply but not aimed at people. Have you tried your wee one on a cup for milk. My dd was completely bf refused a bottle but would drink formula milk at 9mths from a cup was a beaker with 2 handles and slopped one end to help them drink the milk. It's only a couple if months then you have summer holidays. Could you look at tutoring or marking papers for extra money.

I couldn't work putting my 2 kids in nursery 4 days a week to be £700 better off ....what about tutoring in the evenings and weekends ..working maybe 1 day ...I did assessing and tutoring when my kids were small as the job I did involved long days ( back doing it now) ..

but what about when they are not in nursery? Your career is dead by then then and your pension has taken massive damage. You need to think beyond the next two years.

I completely empathise with your situation. Cost of living and nursery prices are astronomical and it’s utter bollocks to be honest. I’ve just had to go back full time, dd is just 9 months, heart breaking but I’m lucky enough to wfh so I would hate to imagine how you feel, dh has quit job to be at home and we’re eating away at savings that were meant for very needed house renovations… but anyway I feel for you. I’m sorry you’re in such a rubbish situation, it’s really hard!!

Also some comments on here are really judgemental and unhelpful.
Ignore them

x

I’m a public sector worker and DP is a high earner running multiple businesses. We finished paying seven continuous years of FT & then PT private nursery fees four years ago for our last two DC, before Covid and the CoL crisis. Nursery fees were extortionate back then and we made sure we did had a big enough gap between DC to not have to pay nursery fees for both at the same time.

We reduced DC2’s FT nursery place down to the free funded 15 hours nursery place when I went on Mat leave for just over one year with DC3. There was no way we were going to continue paying for childcare whilst I was on mat leave.

We no longer have any childcare costs, as I work school hours and WFH most days.

OP - I’ve read your updates, so I’m aware that you know you need to have some honest conversations with your H re. finances, but following stuck out for me: from your posts:

Maybe he's downplaying what comes into his account. He wouldn't keep money from me as I spend how I please from the joint account when it comes to the kids and he tops it up if we go into overdraft.

Our set up has worked until now, but last week he had a go at me for spending 'leisurely' on the joint account. I mean it's just food and treats for the kids.

You need to learn how to budget, as you should not be struggling to buy an ice-cream on your joint income.

Do your main shop in Aldi/Lidl and only occasionally do small top up shops in the pricer supermarkets.

Pass down as many hand me down clothes as you can for your youngest DC.

Ditch the 2nd car if you can. We’ve recently done this even though we have a joint income much higher than yours. Unfortunately, DH had to make some staff redundant from one of his businesses. All the naice company cars are gone.

You also should seriously consider working evenings and/or weekends in another sector with a view to possibly going back to teaching once your last DC is in school FT.
Or as other pp have suggested try tutoring during the evenings. We use a tutor who is also a Teacher in a local school. We found them through word of mouth, but we’ve also previously used tutoring agencies to find a Tutor for our eldest DC many many years ago.

And for the pp banging on about all public sector people being allowed to send their DC to school throughout the Covid lockdowns, that was not the case for all of us. The LA I was working for back then was really difficult and refused to issue me with a Key Worker Letter even though I am one (long story). This was one of the many reasons why I eventually left that LA. Some of us public sector workers and our DC struggled though the lockdowns too.

I’m over 60, had 3 kids in 3 years. Husband medical, I was a nurse. We took a very big mortgage out and I ended up working 3 jobs. 4 full night duties a week on the bank which was 48 hours a week, a gym based job for heart patients, 6 hours a week and then one to one cancer care in the home, one night a week. I regularly worked 60 plus hours every week, for four years. I can honestly say I loved it! But I was a workaholic. We had live in child care, much cheaper in those days!

It depends on pension contributions too. I’m on 60k and take home 3.3k. I’d say it’s certainly more than £2500 though, so he’s clearly not being truthful. Those take home calculations don’t take into account some higher pension contributions.

£80k and struggling with 2!?!? We have 4 children between us (3 full time 1 2 weekend a month) of less than £60k a year with rent and all other costs involved. No childcare except in the school holidays when 4x holiday club. Both work 60 hours a week round school hours and each other

But the full time nursery for 2 is what's hurting them - as it does for any family with 2 in nursery.

We've got one on 30 funded hours and we're still paying over £1200 for the 2; more in the school holidays.

Do have any idea what the median household disposable income is in the UK? - Its £32k. For the top 20% its £66k and the bottom 20% its about £14k.
OP and partner pulling £80k per year, take home is well above the median and not far off the top 20%.
They need to look at non-essential outgoings.

Look, we all know the system is broken. Working parents are penalised and the cost of living is impacting us all. Childcare has always been expensive. But the maths just don't make sense here, there's no way the OP should be struggling to buy an ice-cream for her kids based on their joint income and their outgoings. It just doesn't add up.

I hear and feel you. I earn a decent FT wage. DH not so much but between us we should be fine. But our mortgage is massive and I have to work full time (DC are 3 and 1) I hate this.

Four days a week? I have to work 6 and run a house. You also fail to mention teachers get the best pensions in the U.K. you’ve paid in for 10 years 😂😂😂

Except most younger teachers are never going to see it. You have to be 67 to get it. My mum was dead by 68. Not convinced I'm going to get to see the fruits of my labours.

We have 4 kids aged 2,7, 11 and 13 work part time and have a household income of 55K. We live in the south and survive. I guess it depends on what your used to?

I feel for you OP I remember taking £20 out in cash from a credit card on my second mat leave the day before payday to take DS to the park and buy him a lolly.

I had to think about buying food out for years (I think this is really normal) and took picnics everywhere. Things will get better and you will look back at these years with fondness (including being broke). If you are a teacher don't you just have to do this half term before having the summer off ?

Good luck OP, your DC won't remember or care.

£51-96k is actually across 4 bands, 8A to 8D, as they're quite young, 8D is very senior, and the DH is talking about being taxed on CB as if it's new to him it's more likely he's an 8A earning in the low 50s, with a take home pay of around £3-3.5k.

It doesn't take '6-8 years' to get from £51k to £96k, it takes 3 promotions and progression through the bands, so will never happen for most people and if it does, it's likely to take more like 10-20 years.

Such a wise post. I do sometimes think us later Xers (born 73-78) hit the jackpot. Free University, cheap housing (100% mortgage anyone) and then when we did have DCs Tony Blair's free nursery hours, child trust funds and tax credits. It was harder before and seems harder now.

I think you've read the bandings wrong.

Think about it ... you think his salary goes up about 5k a year on the salary spine point?

I don't think senior nurses would be on strike if they could go from £51k to £96k in six to eight years!

Band 8a is an entire band. You don't just migrate onto band 8b after getting to the top of that band. You just stay there (unless promoted, but by band 8d you are at a very high strategic post level, not a bog standard clinical or admin post)

@Leila2022
"Things are very different… the cost of living was very different then… one parent could afford to stay at home."

This is such a generalisation. My mother worked all her life, stopping for just 6 weeks when I was born. There have always been working mothers. It was only in the Victorian age, that middle class mothers stayed at home, as a status symbol, but this certianly did not apply to the working class.
It should also be noted that in the past it was generally much easier to get rid of an employee, as the kind of protections we have now did not exist, then.

The answer is always you either have to increase your income, or reduce expenditure. By income, I mean your joint income. A household income of approx 80k sounds pretty good to me, so I suggest you check your expenditure.