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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

581 replies

drusillabee · 26/05/2023 00:06

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

OP posts:
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5
Achwheesht · 27/05/2023 17:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bathintheshed · 27/05/2023 17:55

Jadeyspade · 27/05/2023 17:07

financial circumstances forcing a breastfeeding mother to be separated from her infant.

Show quote history

She can more than afford to stay on maternity, she just can't afford her luxury lifestyle (and wants full pay for the 6 weeks holidays).

wentworthinmate · 27/05/2023 17:58

Just a suggestion (if you think you might give up teaching )but caring in a nursing/carehome setting on nights is very good pay. Lots of care homes crying out for staff at the moment. Even day shifts aren’t too badly paid. It probably won’t pay as much as you are on now but you’ll have much more flexibility and less stress.

MRex · 27/05/2023 18:02

Jadeyspade · 27/05/2023 17:07

financial circumstances forcing a breastfeeding mother to be separated from her infant.

Show quote history
  1. She chooses to pay to keep the other child in full-time nursery, she could stay home if she didn't do that
  2. The "D"H has lots of space money he isn't sharing
  3. No attempt to budget, she's spending a lot of money on packaged baby meals which necessitates a return to work to pay for it(!)
  4. Breastfeeding can continue while with the child, and others to serve formula when not.

Not really the right example for your case.

Ladyfrog59 · 27/05/2023 18:04

I can't believe you're moaning. You get £80,000 a year. You're the one who had 2 children so close together. If you can't afford to live on £80,000 there's something wrong with you. Some people are really struggling and you should be grateful for what you have.

Straggletag · 27/05/2023 18:04

@Supernova23 Bloody hell! Judgy much? No one could foresee their outgoings ballooning because of the cost of living crisis. Everything has increased. Should we all downsize to a bedsit and go hungry just so we can keep putting money in the pockets of the greedy? It’s not the average joe that should have to adapt to this orchestrated bs- it’s the shareholders, ceos, government, landlords and banks that should tighten their fucking belts. Mums should have the choice to stay home and raise their children without being forced back to work early. Every female over 60 in my family raised their children and got by comfortably on their husbands wage- including having paid off their mortgages years ago. Let’s put the ladder back.

watermeloncougar · 27/05/2023 18:05

@Jadeyspade you're conflating several issues here.
I value motherhood - and fatherhood- enormously.
I was also an extended breast feeder.
I was back at work much earlier than the OP is talking about.
If the child doesn't drink out of a bottle then they can drink out of a cup at the age they are- breast milk, water or whatever.
The OPs post really has nothing to do with the value of motherhood and everything to do with budgeting and accepting a temporary hit to the finances until they get their 30 free hours

Milliemoo6 · 27/05/2023 18:09

To be honest a household income of 80k should be plenty, especially if you're only working 4 days a week. I have two kids 4 and under and we survive on half that. I've just returned to work from mat leave this week. What's in your budget that's eating up such a decent income?

Angelil · 27/05/2023 18:12

drusillabee · 26/05/2023 07:22

To clarify, my eldest is only in nursery 2 mornings a week whilst I'm on MAT leave. This is to give me a break. Also, we saved for this whilst I was still pregnant. When I return to work the kids will be in nursery 3 days. My mum & MIL are helping out on the 4th.

My point isn't 'oh feel sorry for me we earn X amount and it still isn't enough'.

My point is that 2 working people who have gone to Uni, work difficult public sector jobs shouldn't have to take up a second job just to make ends meet because of the CoL.

Working an extra day to only have a minuscule extra after paying for childcare doesn't make sense.

It makes more sense for me to work a weekend day where DH can be home with the kids. Unfortunately I can't just do that in my teaching job as there aren't any kids to teach on a weekend!

Also, I have an autoimmune condition that makes it very unlikely for me to fall pregnant. Even if you do, miscarriages are how it's usually diagnosed. Stats are 20% chance of falling pregnant naturally. I guess I was lucky with DC2.

You can certainly teach at weekends and in the evenings. I am a teacher too and there is plenty of tutoring work out there. Spires was the best agency I used when I had to go freelance for a bit. The bulk of my income came from them.

ToBMarried24 · 27/05/2023 18:15

On 80k a year and so say struggling.

maybe live within your means.

Leila2022 · 27/05/2023 18:32

What I find sickening is comments like these above …

As women lets stop minimising the struggles women face …

  1. Women get a pretty rubbish deal when it comes to maternity pay and any support that goes with that .. which is practically zero … other countries are much more progressive than we are
  2. Children benefit going to nursery … so even if the poster is on maternity her child will hugely benefit from EYE… it’s proven children who are given education and socialise earlier do better - so stop that please
  3. Stop offering petty advice on how to scrimp and make do! You all sound like the Tory manifesto which has taken us back to poverty akin to Victorian Britain ! It’s an absolute disgrace women and families are being punished and squeezed like this… the people who ultimately suffer are our future generation ! We are meant to progress as a society not regress

To the person who posted this .. I am so sorry you are going through this… it’s really dreadful and awful, you shouldn’t have to get a second job… no one should … things really need to be very different in the UK

unfortunately many below the age of 40 have been brainwashed with Tory propaganda and suffer from some type of political Stockholm syndrome - things need to change

ToK1 · 27/05/2023 18:33

@Leila2022

How is the op being punished exactly?

Leila2022 · 27/05/2023 18:38

Where have you been ?
The current system is diabolical and it’s consequence is families and women in particular under immense pressure to provide for their families.

m very sad you’re blind to all of that.

ToK1 · 27/05/2023 18:40

@Leila2022

I dont think the system is diabolical.

Still sexist sure. Could be improved especially shared leave and paid parental leave for dads

Improved funding for childcare.

But immense pressure for women to provide?

Nah

SunnyEgg · 27/05/2023 18:43

Leila2022 · 27/05/2023 18:32

What I find sickening is comments like these above …

As women lets stop minimising the struggles women face …

  1. Women get a pretty rubbish deal when it comes to maternity pay and any support that goes with that .. which is practically zero … other countries are much more progressive than we are
  2. Children benefit going to nursery … so even if the poster is on maternity her child will hugely benefit from EYE… it’s proven children who are given education and socialise earlier do better - so stop that please
  3. Stop offering petty advice on how to scrimp and make do! You all sound like the Tory manifesto which has taken us back to poverty akin to Victorian Britain ! It’s an absolute disgrace women and families are being punished and squeezed like this… the people who ultimately suffer are our future generation ! We are meant to progress as a society not regress

To the person who posted this .. I am so sorry you are going through this… it’s really dreadful and awful, you shouldn’t have to get a second job… no one should … things really need to be very different in the UK

unfortunately many below the age of 40 have been brainwashed with Tory propaganda and suffer from some type of political Stockholm syndrome - things need to change

It has changed, you may not have old enough dc but when I had my first there were no 30 free hours and zero flexibility plus long hours.

Not many professions would have bought first home after three years or so as the op has

Different government but it got easier due to free hours and flexibility

watermeloncougar · 27/05/2023 18:46

@Leila2022 the system is way better than it's ever been. If you had had kids when I did, when there was 12 weeks paid maternity leave, no paid paternity leave, no transferable leave, no flexible working rights, no free hours or childcare - you'd have a point.

The structures are there for couples to have a far more equal and balanced approach to having children while maintaining their position in the workplace

Of course, if you think that mothers are the default parent who should be expected to not earn and stay home and take on a greater burden of all things domestic, then I can see why you have an issue with things.

watermeloncougar · 27/05/2023 18:47

@SunnyEgg cross posts there.

Worriedatwork1 · 27/05/2023 18:48

I’ve had a second job my entire adult life, it’s crap, I work full time as a manager in the public sector and still can’t get by, haven’t ever been unemployed since I was 15 yet I’ve never been “comfortable” I feel for you OP, it’s really tough

Lisa46 · 27/05/2023 18:49

Why don’t you register as a childminder? Then you wouldn’t have to send your children to childcare.

Leila2022 · 27/05/2023 18:52

I’m not young: I became a mother for the second time at 46 years old

i remember very clearly … things have not gotten any easier at all

house prices are no longer affordable either.

m Your ageists remarks and belittle meant of mums now is everything that is wrong right now. Your opinion is not a helpful one .. we are meant to strive to make things better .

Leila2022 · 27/05/2023 18:53

Then you clearly are very disengaged to what a lot of women and families are currently experiencing then.

Leila2022 · 27/05/2023 18:55

Things are very different… the cost of living was very different then… one parent could afford to stay at home.

m just became some things have improved since you were a mum doesn’t make it right what is happening right now… you are living in your secure road coloured bubble hence your ignorance.

GoodChat · 27/05/2023 18:55

Lisa46 · 27/05/2023 18:49

Why don’t you register as a childminder? Then you wouldn’t have to send your children to childcare.

Maybe she doesn't want to be a childminder?

I love my kids but I don't want to spend my whole life with other peoples.

ToK1 · 27/05/2023 18:57

@Leila2022

When could 1 parent afford to stay home?

And why would that be something we're trying to achieve?

SunnyEgg · 27/05/2023 18:57

house prices are no longer affordable either.

The op is already on the housing ladder after a few years. It may be harder for others but we’re going on op posts