To think I shouldn't have to work a second job to make ends meet

[drusillabee]

I am a teacher working 4 days.

DH has a clinical role in NHS.

Our household income is about 80k. Pretty decent until you factor in rising costs of everything plus childcare.

We have 2 DC under 3 and omg nursery costs are so expensive. I'm on MAT leave for another month and I'm having to go back sooner than we anticipated due to rising costs and basically having run out of money since I won't be getting any SMP.

I just am so sad that I've worked since I was 16, essentially paying into the system for the last 10 years and feeling like I have nothing to show for it.

I've worked my bloody arse off in inner city schools with kids that come from awful backgrounds to help them get out of the cycle of benefits they were born into. The government haven't paid me (or other public sector workers) a penny extra for going above and beyond every single fucking day.

And when we do need a little helping hand, we get jack shit. Nurses got a clap. Teachers got a pay rise but more workload to go along with it.

And then when women go on MAT leave we're given hardly anything to bloody survive that forces to return to work after 6 months slogging for the government that are relying on basically free labour.

My 2 year old asked me to buy her an ice cream today and I'm so grateful that I managed to distract her with the snacks I brought from home because I have £6 left in my bank account till Tuesday.

I go back to work in a week. My youngest daughter won't even be 9 months. She refused a bottle and is exclusively breastfed. She doesn't even take expressed milk from a cup. My heart is breaking at thinking how she's going to go a whole day without me.

I can't even do anything else that I can leave teaching for more flexible hours and better pay. Tbh I love teaching, I just hate that I have to return so soon on a shit salary for the job that I do.

So on top of that, I'm having to look for a weekend job so we can do more than just pay the bills.

I was remembering the other day how being a parent was totally separate to work. Pretty much zero acknowledgment or flexibility, this mostly fell on mothers.

We all went back to work, it wasn’t easy though

Some things are harder, but when I speak to people it’s evident their companies acknowledge parenthood for both sexes

@Leila2022 how much disposable income do you think OP should be entitled to?

You sound very toxic
of course it’s not something we are trying to achieve

there are more factors involved now …
firstly attitudes towards women have rightfully changed
secondly the cost of living is much more expensive meaning that most women have no other choice but to go to work … believe it or not many mothers like to stay at home to look after their children

things need to change and improve … we are very far off being fair and progressive.

Go back midJuly and start getting paid while not actually working in school and you don’t need to put your your kids in nursery until September. If money was really that tight why don’t have your kids in nursery on maternity leave? 30 hours kicks in for the eldest term after they turn 3 so you shouldn’t have long to go. Then the new scheme should give some hours to your youngest sooner than age 3 so you’ll now be better off than anyone who’s kids are slightly older. You’ll also have all the school holidays off when most families need to fund childcare so long run your career will cost you much less in childcare costs. Having two kids close together is going to be expensive especially if you keep one in nursery while on maternity leave. I had 2 under 3 but no nursery fees while I was on maternity leave. it’s such a short period of time.

You sound very toxic

Ok….

Posters are relaying their experiences 🤷‍♂️

Seems odd to feel so threatened by the very tame posts

We all have different experiences around being mothers and work

What an awful question … how old are you.

@Leila2022

How do I sound toxic?

I've said some things need to be improved. COL tackled. Improved childcare funding and shared leave

But I absolutely don't hark back to some imagined glory days where all women were housewives

We are a pensioner couple with a joint income of about £20K. We do not qualify for any benefits. So I’m afraid I have little sympathy for your situation. Life was very different 50-60 years ago when I had my two 2 years apart and we managed on one clerical salary. Expectations were much lower. May I suggest that you count your blessings and stop moaning.

You just come across as a very toxic type person, who has a very limited scope to think outside of your own box

That’s probably why you are glued to this forum gaslighting people looking for sincere support.

I’m sick of whiney posts like this. Quit your job and work part time evenings and weekends so you can enjoy them while they are small , then go back to teaching when they are older.

OP doesn't want to be a stay at home mum, she put her eldest in nursery whilst on maternity.

Boomer generation … let’s wish difficulty upon everyone else … because we can .

This is ageist isn’t it

How do you know who is boomer generation anyway. I’m not.

Neither have I
i said things were different before because the cost of living was different !

she said they are pensioners … known as Boomer generation

@Leila2022

Do you always try to insult people when you don't agree with them?

I’m rather Stoic
do you get offended when people call out your toxicity ?

luckily for me I’m usually too busy to even read or even participate in forums.

Gosh it sure is toxic .. so glad my life is not limited to this for entertainment or fulfilment.

@Leila2022

And yet, here you are lol

Considering the absolutely horrendous circumstances and how so many people were utterly pummelled financially.

Yep I do - able to go to work, kids able to go to school, 20% discounts, hero worship.

My DH family is working class, mine isn’t.

I was hearing on one side about how much money people were saving, about their new cars, house extensions, hot tubs, spending time in the garden, wonderful family time, several thousand to go to Cornwall….

On the other were people couped up with no garden, selling their cars, getting into credit card and loan debt, cancelling holidays, downsizing houses and the most severe being a suicide as self employed…

The difference was very marked.

Some of us actually believe we're as competent and successful in our work lives as our husbands are. And that our husbands are at competent and successful at being parents and doing domestic chores as we are.

There's nothing forward looking about wanting to chase mothers out of the workplace

I can’t see the issue as you Seem to be doing very well? Your own breakdown showed you have about £1000 left per month if not more .

Many 26 year olds are living in flatshares or renting privately and cannot afford a house .

It’s a personal choice to have kids in your early 20s and it’s not right or wrong but that that decision comes with certain consequences.

I get wanting to get on the property ladder early but why the rush to have kids if you were determined to have masses amounts of disposable income for nice stuff AND £500 to put in savings? You both could have spent more time savings before kids then started around age 28.

The way I see it you still do have a generous amount of disposable income so you’re winning either way. I’m not fan of the Tory government and austerity and pay suppression in the public sector but I think these are different issues. You have done/are doing very nicely out of the system and things will soon get better for you once the kids are a couple of years older.

@Robinni

I cant get my head around you thinking this was a deliberate targeting of non public sector people as opposed to the 'science' of the lockdown.

Or what working class has to do with people being furloghed or not.

No one hero worshipped us. Banging pots on a Thursday and shouting abuse on a Friday does not count as hero worship.

Your logic on this is a big warped

I'm honestly shocked by the bitterness and critique on here. For all of these people who have time to post on here- you are hardly run off your feet! Everyone in this country is entitled to have 2 kids and a professional job without struggling! It's the norm! It's not fair to compare situations and areas and situations from 20-30 years ago. My parents worked hard but raised 2 children in a detached house and we had next to no child care- because they did this 32-40 years ago doesn't mean people can now! I have raised one child as a lone parent on under £16,000 for 12 years-in private housing, never used childcare, but never had a car or holidays and heating is a rarity. I was just lucky children's centres were prevalent back then. Just remember we all make our own choices and nobody should be belittled for their situation. I feel like many people are working PT mostly to run a 2nd car to get to work, something that didn't happen 30 years ago. Times are different now. Most people around me are on incomes of £40-110,000 and I often wonder what they do with it compared to me- it's called LIVING a normal life!!!!

@ToK1

Sigh… I can appreciate the science, but do believe there was a healthy dollop of a self serving agenda from the tories mixed in where possible. Naive to believe otherwise.

I’m trying to explain to you why I have the perspective I have.

On one side of my family I saw predominantly retail workers, hospitality and self employed be put through the mill. Kids massively struggled being withdrawn from school, fell back academically, mental health issues.

On the other I saw teachers, civil servants and medics having enormous financial advantage and be pushed forward. While their kids attended school and have come out ok.

The disparity in treatment has never, and will never be addressed.

And it annoys me when people who had the preferential treatment whinge and moan now… about nothing like OP is.

Just to say, nobody around me is working 2-3 jobs or ever has. It has always been enough for one parent to be FT and one PT. I only know a few both working FT.