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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what a surprise..it has started!

598 replies

momager1 · 25/05/2023 20:52

long story, short.
husband and I took early retirement and sold our home in Canada. 7 weeks ago we moved to a condo that we had purchased previously (for our retirement) In Dominican Republic. 3 min walk to gorgeous bavaro beach, lots of quirky little eateries, Small condo complex but upscale with two large pools and 2 bbq gazebos with included gas bbqs and dining tables for the owners to use. SURPRISE. 3 couples that we have not had alot of socializing with have all sent messages this week. 1 looking to stay a week in august, 1 a week in October, and the other couple want to bring their two kids over CHRISTMAS!! I need to figure out a good response to them all. I did want to message back FUCK OFF but my husband thought it was a bit harsh haha. Couple one have always been good hosts as have we on the rare occasion that we have been in each others house ( and good dinner guests, including asking what they can bring and when i say nothing, they showed up with flowers and two bottles of wine as they didn't know what i was cooking, so a red and a white) Couple Two. had them over for a bbq once. nice enough people that lived in our culdesac, but showed up empty handed and then asked for some of the leftovers as she didn't have time to make anything for their packed lunches the next day (it was a lunch bbq over at 5 pm) Couple three. JUST NO. In the message they sent they said that they know it is just two bedrooms two baths, but the kids could sleep in the livingroom and share THEIR bathroom. And they were so looking forward to my cooking for the week as they are not in a position to eat out much !! ( I am a NOW RETIRED restaurant owning chef. NO NOPE NOPITY NOPE.
So. How do I word my messages back to them that does not include FUCK OFF ?

OP posts:
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Original poster
momager1 · 25/05/2023 21:27

Thank you all. I have had a laugh at some of the replies and I do believe my husband is wrong. Fuck off is all that is needed but I will try to be a bit nicer in my replies.. No NO FUCK NO.. I do not want a mexican house thief!! Also no one could find us, as there are no official addresses , just plan numbers . No mail service either lol. Couple one. No still not wanting people staying that are not our kids or grandkids. We brought two large dogs down here and although they are great, they had the stress of moving in the cargo of a plane, and are finally learning this is home. No more upheaval for them for a while. There is a great hotel right across the road from me. But it is also a very expensive all inclusive, and I know everyone of these requests come from people that want a freebie. I am also now living on a set amount per month and while can afford to feed guests, I would rather spend that money wandering beach bars and eating at nice little places than spend it on ingredients to cook for people that WILL expect me to cook. I do cook here. ALOT . but I don't want to HAVE to. Thank you all. I am going to pull up my big girl panties and just message back a NO. I will tell the first couple that there are some awesome bnbs right in my complex. Would love to share a bbq night with them.

OP posts:
Submariner · 25/05/2023 21:28

'Aww, we're really missing you too. In fact we have some loose ends to tie up in Canada. Why don't we come and stay at yours to save you having to come all the way to us? Do let us know if you need us to bring any wine to go with Christmas dinner.'

brainexplorer · 25/05/2023 21:28

Lol! This is so absurd! People are cringe.

JeanRondeausMadHair · 25/05/2023 21:29

What a sack of fucking cheeky bastards.

Dooopylally · 25/05/2023 21:31

I wouldn't be happy at so many cheeky requests, though I would also like some people to visit me so I wouldn't say no to everyone, every time.

TreesandFish · 25/05/2023 21:31

Sorry, we don't have any spare rooms so we are not hosting any guests. I hope you find a nice hotel for your holidays.

(Leave them guessing whether you sleep in separate rooms or you are just dismissing them)

MapofVenice · 25/05/2023 21:32

Hi! Aw thanks for your good wishes, we’ve worked so hard for a relaxing retirement and are just finding our feet with our new place and our dogs. We’ve decided to enjoy this space for ourselves and our family - hosting feels like I’m back at work with cooking etc. Hope you guys find a suitable holiday elsewhere, let you know if we’re ever back home for a catch up!

Batalax · 25/05/2023 21:33

Any chance of the first week in December op. I wouldn’t like to be a CF and insist on Xmas - although now you aren’t having couple three… I’m happy to bring a bottle and maybe a bunch of daffs (or local equivalent)

fpurplea · 25/05/2023 21:34

Aaaand I'm off to classics to find Mexican house thief again! 🤣

DarkDarkNight · 25/05/2023 21:34

Couple 2 and 3 a message along the lines of not having heard from them for ages and ages. Maybe a deliberate misunderstanding of the message, saying something like ‘yes we’d love to meet up with you when you are holidaying in the Dominican, we’ll catch up for dinner…’

Couple 1 I think are very cheeky for inviting themselves along and giving a specific date but as you seem a bit closer to them and they’ve been good guests maybe be a bit more open to them if you’d actually like to see them. Say something like October doesn’t work for us, but once we’ve fully settled in and had some time to enjoy the place ourselves for a bit we would love to host you. Put the ball in your court rather than them dictating.

HadleyVaughn · 25/05/2023 21:36

if @Batalax is coming then I want to come too.

Seriously @momager1 definitely reply with a clear no we are not having guests to couple 3 because I wouldn't be surprised if they just turned up on your doorstep and try to break in with that level of 'our kids can sleep on the sofa' inappropriateness.

Original poster
momager1 · 25/05/2023 21:36

@Batalax depends. If you are from Ireland and bring me a very large crate of tayto cheese and onion (not walkers, must be tayto) We can talk lol . Oh and germolene. LOTS of germolene

OP posts:
HappiDaze · 25/05/2023 21:36

Just say we're only only inviting close friends and family Grin

GreenClock · 25/05/2023 21:36

A colleague who moved to Pembrokeshire in March (working from home full-time) is dealing with this sort of thing currently. She says that no one was interested in visiting her for weekends when she lived in a grey industrial town but all of a sudden it’s, “oh we must meet up! We can drive to you…”

It’s quite offensive really!

HairyFarnbarn · 25/05/2023 21:37

momager1 · 25/05/2023 21:36

@Batalax depends. If you are from Ireland and bring me a very large crate of tayto cheese and onion (not walkers, must be tayto) We can talk lol . Oh and germolene. LOTS of germolene

PM me the address I can bring Tayto 😂😂

Hankunamatata · 25/05/2023 21:39

Sorry our two dogs are very unpredictable so can't have people stay. There's a lovely hotel you could try.

Stravaig · 25/05/2023 21:39

If you suggest a B&B in the same complex or a hotel across the road you run the risk that people as entitled as these 3 couples will then assume they can use your home as a base for everything except actual sleep!

I say send a polite but firm no to couple 1. 'We're not hosting anyone except immediate family, but we'd love to meet up for dinner out if you ever happen to visit our region.'

Wait until you've done that, and then simply reply to couples 2 & 3 with a link to this thread!

JustAboutHangingInThere · 25/05/2023 21:39

amend it slightly to NO FUCKING WAY, more punchy

Stravaig · 25/05/2023 21:40

Btw, it sounds lovely, enjoy your new life 😍

Original poster
momager1 · 25/05/2023 21:40

@HadleyVaughn The kid thing really got on my tits. Our daughter and her family are coming down in January and THEY are smart enough to know that their two teens would not have beds and no way are they sleeping on my couch and a bed on floor! They are staying in the same resort that they have the two times they have been down and her dad (my husband) will go pick them up a few times and bring them over as she is also a cheeky fucker and wants a certain meal made that I make .. she has tried but she always makes a mess of it!! Difference is I love this CF and she will do the dishes after dinner without me feeling guilty of sitting down

OP posts:
AnOKYearForTheRoses · 25/05/2023 21:41

I feel your pain, OP.

We live between two homes and one is in the centre of a very expensive and touristy city (nowhere near as exotic as DR!).

Constantly batting back people who get in touch out of the blue when there’s a big concert/game/event.

My standard response is to tell them we’re not set-up for AirBnB. It works well because their next move is to admit that they didn’t want to “book” in with us, but to stay for free.

Gcsunnyside23 · 25/05/2023 21:41

I'd be inclined to say yes to the first couple if they are good company but just block the other two or keep it short and sweet but a No

Dedodee · 25/05/2023 21:41

@Batalax it could be worse OP. We live in SW France and nobody wants to visit us other than my dd. We have a pool too.
Imagine being so unpopular that even cf’s don’t try to take advantage!
All of our friends here have people queuing to visit. I must be very scary!

JustBeKindItsEasy · 25/05/2023 21:42

Send them recommendations for nearby hotels and invite them round for a bbq.
Enjoy.

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