what a surprise..it has started!

[momager1]

long story, short.
husband and I took early retirement and sold our home in Canada. 7 weeks ago we moved to a condo that we had purchased previously (for our retirement) In Dominican Republic. 3 min walk to gorgeous bavaro beach, lots of quirky little eateries, Small condo complex but upscale with two large pools and 2 bbq gazebos with included gas bbqs and dining tables for the owners to use. SURPRISE. 3 couples that we have not had alot of socializing with have all sent messages this week. 1 looking to stay a week in august, 1 a week in October, and the other couple want to bring their two kids over CHRISTMAS!! I need to figure out a good response to them all. I did want to message back FUCK OFF but my husband thought it was a bit harsh haha. Couple one have always been good hosts as have we on the rare occasion that we have been in each others house ( and good dinner guests, including asking what they can bring and when i say nothing, they showed up with flowers and two bottles of wine as they didn't know what i was cooking, so a red and a white) Couple Two. had them over for a bbq once. nice enough people that lived in our culdesac, but showed up empty handed and then asked for some of the leftovers as she didn't have time to make anything for their packed lunches the next day (it was a lunch bbq over at 5 pm) Couple three. JUST NO. In the message they sent they said that they know it is just two bedrooms two baths, but the kids could sleep in the livingroom and share THEIR bathroom. And they were so looking forward to my cooking for the week as they are not in a position to eat out much !! ( I am a NOW RETIRED restaurant owning chef. NO NOPE NOPITY NOPE.
So. How do I word my messages back to them that does not include FUCK OFF ?

@Hankunamatata wish we could use that excuse. but they know the dogs. they are big but they are poodles. standards so large size, but they would not even hurt a cat never mind a person.

I remember the unwanted guests who turned up with their cases when OP was working and had already said no firmly! And the poster whose very elderly and infirm parents were backed into accepting several distant relatives with young kids-from America maybe?- who wanted to be ferried around and use the parents so they could also tour Europe child free? Anyone remember the details? Good luck OP and congratulations on your retirement.

😮

I'll tell them to fuck off for you. In exchange for a stay of a fortnight at your place. With your delicious cooking 😁

"Oh I'm sorry there appears to be some confusion, this is our actual home now and no longer a holiday home! We'd love to be able to find you a hotel nearby though if you wish to visit, it'd be great to see you"

But they have become snappy amd high strung 😬

Totally cf, s. Maybe just maybe first couple. Definate, no doesn't work for us, we want to enjoy our home to the other pair. How even does this???.

Say that you’re not having any guests to stay at your place and not doing cooking but you can recommend hotels and restaurants. Send them a link for the 5*luxury they expect and an enjoy choosing a hotel from the wonderful selection available.

This happened to us after we moved to cornwall. And like mugs we said yes to most. We ended up with a league table of guests, judged for their cheeky f-ery or otherwise.
Some guests were (and consequently remain) great. Those st the bottom of the table weren't invited back!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to say that to keep it manageable you have decided to only have immediate family stay.

Are couple three called Boris and Carrie?

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/boris-johnson-relaxes-beach-bar-28297672

@Beaverbridge I know RIGHT? many years ago my friend offered me her vacation home for a week when we had people visiting from england (not CF'rs) and we took her up on it. It was spotless and we left it spotless. They were going up a couple of days later and I had made a lasanga, homemade turkey burger patties, and bought sausages and buns for all. Put it in her freezer and put a case of beer in the fridge for her and her husband (they are not wine people) Didn't even think about it. I appreciated the free getaway. The stove and bbq ran off propane so my husband took and filled both tanks also. These people with the kids would not probably even do a dish. NOPE. OK. getting my big girl panties on and doing this

No long drawn out excuses. No sorry this is our home now we don’t have room or time for guests even our daughter stays in a hotel. The end.

Oh crap. If Boris is here. (which he has been before) get me what resort and i will go throw something at him and run lmao

^^Perfect response.

As we are moving in order to enjoy a peaceful retirement , we won't be hosting any visitors at all . I'm sure you will understand our wish for uninterupted peace in order to enjoy our newly found freedom .
We could however visit you when we return home for a visit , it would be a lovely treat .

You just need to shut these requests down now, and because I have got to the age that I am quite grumpy I would try and shame them in any reply. Obviously quite pointless because people like 2&3 have skins like rhinos.

So, a bright and breezy reply along the lines of;

So lovely to hear from you, hope life back in wherever is treating you all well. I admit to being surprised by your request to stay, mainly because as much as we passed the time of day as neighbours, I do not remember us being close enough friends to holiday together and all that entails. Secondly, we have retired and are not running a guest house and finally I cannot recall inviting you. Of course if you visit ........we would be happy to give recommendations and if available meet for a catch-up. Have a nice life/ do keep in touch, love OP.

Depends if you want to maintain any type of relationship with these people. At the end of the day you have moved away, you have no need to see them again unless you want to. So no need to be polite for the sake of being polite

😂

First couple I’d probably be good with hosting. They sound like they get it and would probably bring nice things/pitch in. If you enjoy their company then I guess not the worst thing especially if they can be independent.

Second couple “we’ve already got guests that weekend, maybe another time” repeat ad infinitum etc.

Third couple. And their kids. At Xmas. Nope - do not pass go, go straight to FUCK OFF and then block.

while all the suggestions are great. I think @Selfesteem23 nailed it. I am sending it. that is perfect

We also had this after we bought a flat in Italy. Suddenly friends that we struggled to book dinner in with once a year were asking to come and stay. We took the sound advice from a letting agency to make it clear that there were mates rates but all had to be booked through the agency. There was some push back - oh we thought we would come on holiday with you. (Why - you've never asked to go on holiday with me anywhere else). We actually never managed to find a suitable holiday letting firm, so in the end (over 10 years) it was only our family who came to stay with us on holiday. And that was fine and lovely.

Germolene has been re-branded as Bepantiseptic First Aid Cream, maybe you'll find that in your local pharmacy!!! It is still pink and odd smelling. (In other shock news, Sudocrem is still available but the manufacturing base has moved from Ireland to Bulgaria)

Tayto Cheese & Onion are mostly still excellent but there is a new kid on the block - Keogh's Shamrock & Sour Cream - worth getting your house guests to supply you with these for variety - and yes, they are made using actual shamrocks!

This is so familiar. We bought a house in Curacao and got suddenly lots of requests of they could not use it when we were not there. Only close family could if they wanted, nobody else.

We live now more than 10 years on the island and the novelty has worn off. We only get visits from close immediate family members and we have a 2 bedroom appartement for them in our garden.

Easiest way is just to say that it is not convenient for you. Especially the ones over Christmas.

'Who dis?'

So you want to say Fuck Off but your husband thinks you should be nicer .... how about ...

"kindly, fuck off"???