Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

She's mental, sounds like you're doing just fine

I hope the poster who was firmly put in her place for wondering why she wouldn't have time for a cup of tea or a shower when her baby arrives is reading this thread.
Her thread was full of "ha ha you wait and see, my baby would only sleep in my arms for the first 9 months".

Turns out babies DO sleep, long enough for us to be debating whether they can be left alone.

So does that mean that it's not officially a "safe sleep guideline" that baby should always be in same room until 6 months? Or that it IS a Safe Sleep Guideline but without evidence to back it up? I'm confused. This was not a guideline when mine were born (just "back to sleep", no crib blankets, no crib bumpers). But I see people here talking about it as if it's fact. I need enlightenment.

Great point but it's still the case that the vast majority of the time the vast majority of babies are breathing just fine.

Leaving a sleeping baby for 10 minutes will not increase chance of SIDS, bloody ridiculous comments. There's no real evidence of any particular benefit of being in the same room as a baby 24/7.

You're a great mum if you want to put baby down in his to for 30 minutes and you want to check on him now and then that's fine. I suffered postnatal depression and my reasoning was all over the place I had no grandparents to help and give advice it was just me and my partner. If I was to talk to my younger self now I would tell her don't worry so much.

It is an official guideline but there isn't strong evidence to back it up.

Risk of cot death for a baby in a safe sleep space on their back in a room by them self is about the same as a baby co-sleeping in a bed with an adult.

We only really have hard evidence for cleat cot back to sleep.

Yes as PP said it is a guideline, but they don't actually know why being in the same room reduces the risk of SIDS. It just does. The most plausible reason is that it's a combination of various factors to do with parent attentiveness, being there if baby does start to struggle, being attuned to baby's breathing, perhaps a higher chance of continuing breastfeeding, which is in itself a protective factor against SIDs. It's worth repeating that SIDs in healthy full term babies in safe sleeping environments is very rare anyway so we are talking about fractions of percentage risk points in many cases.

The our breathing regulating their breathing thing is a MN favourite that always gets mentioned on here, but when you do even cursory research into it you'll find it's only a theory in a sea of theories.

Welcome to parenting.

The most obvious solutions aren't always obvious until someone points it out

I used a video monitor.

But think about it logically. Whilst you sleep you don't know what babies doing despite being in the same room.

@JudgeJ she didn't disagree with my point. She accused me of being extremely anxious & having 'notions' & told me I couldn't control everything & to 'let it go'It was a personal comment, that was patronising.

the OP asked for opinions, I gave mine. Other posters aren't compelled to agree, they can give their own opinions.

I don't care if you agree or not either. I side with the NHS - A Baby (0-6 months) is less at risk of SIDS sleeping/napping night AND day with someone else in the room with them. It's not a difficult thing to do, you don't have to watch them like a hawk, you just have to BE there. It's a small thing that I believe is worth doing.

Absolutely fine, never occurred to me this wouldn't be okay. When I read the thread I thought you meant you'd be like popping out of the house rather than just being in a different room lol

Second time mum here.

My firstborn used to have pretty much all his naps in the pram or the baby carrier, or lying on the bed next to me. We co-slept a lot which I wasn't very comfortable with but he just wouldn't sleep in his crib most of the time. He didn't go to bed properly until 10-11pm most nights, and as his bedtime gradually got earlier we would take turns to eat and the other person would stay in the bedroom with him. I would usually get up at 7am to shower before my husband went to work and if I missed that window, I probably wouldn't have a shower that day.

Fast forward two years, baby no.2. She comes with me in the baby carrier to drop her brother off at crèche. By the time we get home she's sleepy, so I pop her in her crib and she has her first nap of the day while I get on with stuff in another room. Rinse and repeat. At bedtime she goes to sleep at the same time as her brother, but we put her down in the spare room which is next to the living room (we live in a flat so all on one level) until we go to bed, then we move her into the crib in our bedroom. She sleeps quite a lot without anyone else in the room.

I worry much less second time round.

I have twins, and all that advice about constantly watching baby goes out the window when there are two of them. You simply can't. At some point one or both have to be left on their own for a few minutes. The monitor is fine.

Don’t know how my three survived to adulthood! Never had baby monitors, and certainly left them for more than 5 minutes, as long as they were safe. Also had cot bumpers etc etc etc.
when I was a baby I would be left in a pram in the garden!
OP- do what YOU think is best. But your friend sounds barmy!

I took my first everywhere with me was a nightmare she was always waking up. Left my second in his next to me with the monitor and and took that with me if I needed a quick shower etc.

DC2 had to nap in a different room when she was born because I also had DC1 who was 4 and I couldn't just leave him on his own while I lay about in bed beside DC2. Yes in an ideal world we would all be in a lovely cocoon with our newborns where we rest together and have lovely skin to skin while other people clean our homes and make us nutritious meals, but reality for most people is that just isn't possible. Also naptime is the only break you get from the buggers

Same here!

They can't roll at that age and are no where near it, as long as you can hear them whether that's with a baby monitor or not, they will be fine. I have a 3 month old and I leave him for a couple of mins in the middle of my bed (no covers or pillows and more than enough space away from the edge in case he does roll), so I can just throw on a load of washing or go to the loo, if I have a shower where a may be a bit longer than a couple of mins I put him in the crib and have the baby monitor where I can see and hear it through the shower screen. In my experience having a couple of mins on their own at a time can reduce attachment issues when they're a bit older x

@AnnWithoutAnnie I’m glad someone is talking some sense and taking SIDS seriously

What a horrible thing to say

With my first, yes, I did go to bed at 7.30 when he did. I'd settle him in his cot and then lie in bed reading or watching something on my ipad with headphones in. I'd also try and doze as he was an appalling sleeper but the first stretch of sleep in the night was usually his longest so it meant I could get a bit of shut eye as well.

Bear in mind though that this was during the first lockdown. I was on maternity leave and my husband was furloughed so I really had nothing to do in the evening and no need to catch up with my husband.

With my second, when he was really tiny I used to put him down at 7ish in the bassinet from his pram in the corner of the living room. He used to sleep through me and my husband eating dinner and watching TV fairly quietly. He would wake up around 11 and we'd take him up to bed then.

When he was 3 or 4 months he stopped sleeping through the TV and dinner noises and so at that point I did start putting him down in our room with the monitor on and spending the evening with my husband. I just thought overall it was better for our family and my sanity overall to do it that way.

They're now 3.5 and 14 months, and most nights they both sleep through the night in their own rooms.

well I used to be able to keep an eye on my babies whilst using the loo. Babies that young shouldn’t be left on their own - it only takes a second for something to happen

Yes same. Why are people being so casual about SIDS?

I think if PP knew someone who’s baby had died of SIDS they wouldn’t be making stupid jokes about eagles

@SapphireStar77

really?!

Yes I agree - what an awful comment!