Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

@HairsprayBabe ah I see, that is interesting.

I suppose what impacts maternal mental health depends on the mother as well, doesn't it? Personally I loved having an excuse to lie on the sofa watching my sleeping newborn in his bassinet, rather than trying to get him down in the cot so I could clean the kitchen. But I did leave the room to shower and eat and use the loo. And everyone is different - I'm not much of a routine person but I know others are.

I think the "regulating breathing" thing is probably just speculation as to why there seems to be a (possible) correlation between room sharing and decreased SIDS rates.

Anyway, even the Lullaby Trust guidance does say you can leave the room to get a cup of tea or whatever, which answers to the OP's original question.

This is definitely a PFB kind of problem! Both of mine have spent most of their time asleep in same room as me for first 6 months, but if either was asleep in Moses basket, I would happily go into kitchen to make a cup of tea, go upstairs for a wee, give kitchen surfaces a wipe (not all at the same time but on and off). I think it's unusual that someone wouldn't tbh and would perhaps be a sign of postnatal anxiety. I don't think even the most zealous HV would suggest that if your baby was asleep in its Moses basket you should lift it up and take it with you to do a wee!

SIDs is terrifying, yes, but it's very rare and it's important to remember that before you destroy your own mental health and well-being.

Also this regulating breathing thing is always trotted out on here but doesn't really hold up to scrutiny or been scientifically proven afaik. If they need to be so close they can hear you breathing at all times then they need to be cosleeping really (and let's not go down that road as that really upsets people!).

I don't think anyone has particularly proven why the same room thing is a protective factor. It's probably just a combination of various things: parents who have their baby in same room when little are perhaps likely to be more attentive parents generally, quicker to wake if baby does struggle with something, more attuned to little changes in baby's breathing patterns, perhaps more likely to be breastfeeding (which is another protective factor), etc.

@LuckySantangelo35

you don't need to be watching them, they just need to be in the same room or through an open doorway.

Is there a minimum range? What if it's a really big room? I need measurements, science, physics!

I think it's important that we only stick to facts. The 'regulating breathing' stuff is not a fact. It's a theory that many scientists think isn't even the case and there is no evidence to prove. Fine if you believe it, but don't tell other people about it like it's fact.

Anything could happen

Why is her friend batshit???

@SapphireStar77

so what do you suggest then? You just don’t go to the toilet?

@AnnWithoutAnnie

surely you do though to make sure they’re still breathing? If you’re doing chores or in the shower or whatever you may not see or hear it happening.

Like what?

You can’t always watch them. It just isn’t physically possible.

Especially with more than 1 I imagine.

It's not like a 4 week old is going to be getting up to mischief 😂
So long as you can hear the baby you're fine!

If you are worried you could look in to buying a snuza hero in conjunction with the baby monitor. Helped keep me sane when I brought my 28 weeker home and couldn’t sleep because I felt like I had to watch over her all the time

Relax; it's perfectly fine.

People are often really weird about needing to stay with your baby 24/7 “in case of SIDS!!!!”, but people are also happy to feed their babies formula when BF reduces the risk. You can only do what you can do, its not healthy to focus on the absolute extreme of your baby dying if you go for a shower

Wouldn’t a lot of those not be sleeping upstairs during the day but in a pram / Moses basket downstairs. I would have thought that upstairs on their own was a much more modern phenomenon.

The idea that a baby under 6 months is going gone damaged by spending too much time in a room with its own mother from a couple of posters is beyond daft.

Sounds ok to me.

I think you’ve missed the room. It’s not that you are watching them in case they stop breathing. It’s that they are less likely to stop breathing in the first place.

I honestly really feel for new mothers now. Anxiety and guilt about every aspect of life are built into every stage, even before conception. No wonder maternal mental health is so poor.

If you're an even reasonably attentive toddler parent, there's no way you can be watching your baby in the same room constantly. And there really is absolutely no reason for it. I'm pretty certain that a sleeping baby can't hear their mother breathing at the other end of the room while she's playing with an ebullient toddler/pre-schooler.

The rate of SIDS is now far, far lower than it was when mine were babies. There should be less to worry about in that regard than there was then. Back to sleep has made all the difference.

There seems to be little space to actually enjoy your baby these days, never mind enjoy your older children and give them freedom and quality of attention while their baby sibling sleeps.

If you want to take it to extremes we gamble with our dc’s lives every time they go in a car.

According to a theory that may or may not be correct 👍🏻

Goodness just go. Baby monitor is fine. Or you could use a travel cot have baby sleep in whatever room you are going to be in.
I'm going to shock you and say my kids slept in their own rooms from the first day home. It wasn't a guideline/recommendation to have them sleep in with you for six months then. And I'm always curious if people following this guideline go to bed at 7.30pm with their kids? I don't know anyone who did that.
As for 'taking a risk' - I guess we did. As I did every time I carried my baby going up or down the stairs. Every time I fed them them solid food. Every time we left the house. Every time we were in a car. Every time I did just about anything.

They breathe in and out on their own! Provided you've put them down to sleep safely, they're not positing and the temp is right, you can leave for longer than that. Most babies wouldn't survive if this wasn't the case. They're really good at sounding the alarm.

Safe sleep advice says that the noise that’s happening around them when they sleep helps them regulating breathing and whatnot - as opposed to having them in a completely silent room. I’ve always has music on and left her door open, and kept checking frequently.
To be fair my kid barely slept inside her cot, it was always on me or in the buggy for naps. We’re also co-sleeping