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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband doesn't know my middle name

160 replies

bigbluehamster · 24/05/2023 21:18

Together for six years. Have a one-year-old together.

He can't tell me my middle name!

Am I being unreasonable to think that this is offensive?!

OP posts:
BriarHare · 24/05/2023 21:57

Who cares about middle names? I have 2 and they are utterly pointless.

My husband knows them but I wouldn’t care if he didn’t.

Hummusanddipdip · 24/05/2023 21:59

Nah, dh of 10 years said he only remembers mine because its the same and his sister and our daughter (and both our mums)

He can tell you my birthday is in October, but couldn't tell anyone the day. I do the birthday remembering in our house, he finds it amazing I can tell him everyone including his grandads birthday... I just have a head for dates

LeggyLinda · 24/05/2023 21:59

It’s a bit weird, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say offensive.
I suppose it depends on whether you’ve told him, how many times, and how your marriage ceremony went.

Mischance · 24/05/2023 22:00

Life's too short to fret about this!

AffIt · 24/05/2023 22:00

I had to have a good old think there to remember my OH's ONE middle name.

I would be extraordinarily surprised if he could reel off all six of mine (yes, I am the youngest of a generation).

Topseyt123 · 24/05/2023 22:12

I'm known by my middle name, so DH does not forget that (well, he'd better not anyway 🤣🤣), but back at the beginning of our relationship did sometimes struggle to remember my first name.

I don't recall ever being offended by that.

My DH has two middle names, which I knew well from very early on. They are never used except to give him his full name on documents such as his passport, driving licence and travel tickets.

LaGiaconda · 24/05/2023 22:16

I can't remember my husband's birthday.or the year when he was born. I can't remember our wedding anniversary or how long we've been married. I do remember his middle names because they are weird...

SpringNotSprung · 24/05/2023 22:19

How can you not know each others' middle names and birthdays. Our middle initials are on every cheque, bill, formal form, certificate, etc. We had to say each others' full name when we stood at the altar, complete it when the dc's births were registered, sign mortgage agreements, insurance applications, etc.

Just how can partners not know each others' full names and birthdays, etc.

toodlesofoodles · 24/05/2023 22:22

My exh was adamant that our daughter didn't have a middle name, despite being there when we registered her birth. Prob wouldn't be able to tell you what it is now, either.

Unless there's more to it then I wouldn't be offended.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 24/05/2023 22:23

Me and mine can’t tell you how long we’ve been married. The game is to be the first to point at the other and say “how long” if someone asks. I mean I know it’s between 10 and 20 but after that it’s a crapshoot

WallaceinAnderland · 24/05/2023 22:23

Not offensive but uncaring perhaps. There are lots of little things you ought to know about your partner. Some trivial, some significant. It matters I think.

Wolbarker · 24/05/2023 22:24

To be fair I always get DS’s and DH’s confused!

UnNiddeRides · 24/05/2023 22:39

I can remember my ex-husband’s because it was nicer than his first name. I think he got the first one as he was born on that saint’s day. As for his middle initial being on cheques… I probably haven’t written one in over a decade & had to explain to my 20 something sons what one is. A middle name is only on a bill if you put it on the form, & births & marriage certificates tend to be a one-off some time ago. I think that my younger son (elder doesn’t have a middle name) can’t remember his own middle name most of the time. Seems an odd thing to be upset about.

icebearforpresident · 24/05/2023 22:44

I’m pretty sure husband knows mine, but he’s in bed so I can’t check.

I know his but when I went to register the birth of our youngest I gave them the wrong spelling, it’s one of those names with about 100 different spellings. Despite her having our marriage certificate in front of her the registrar didn’t notice so technically her birth certificate i wrong.

TheBucketWoman · 24/05/2023 22:44

Knowing someone’s name is so terribly important if you want to foster a good relationship with them.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 24/05/2023 22:45

This really is a case of creating a problem where there isn't one.

If you get pissed off with him over this, I can't imagine how you guys deal with the important stuff.

847arc · 24/05/2023 22:48

Dh knows mine but can’t spell it.
But I often get his birthday wrong, so fair is fair.

MrsMitford3 · 24/05/2023 22:49

I always get DH dob wrong

I also get Dc wrong under stress-DS stopped screaming with horrific broken arm long enough to correct me

don't over think it

BreviloquentBastard · 24/05/2023 22:53

I've just realised I don't know my husband's. Don't know if he even has one.

I also forgot my own for a few seconds and had to think really hard.

I remember the cat's though so that's something.

cariadlet · 24/05/2023 22:54

My dp's away so I just WhatsApped him to ask. I didn't really expect him to know my middle name but he got it right.

I think it must be from entering passport details when booking flights. It really wouldn't have bothered me if he hadn't known. My middle name is just something I sometimes have to put on forms. It's not important to me.

If he didn't know my birthday, on the other hand...

notangelinajolie · 24/05/2023 22:56

I wouldn't fret over this.
I struggle with my own middle name never mind my DH's. When I say struggle - I know what it is but I always spell it wrong.

wincarwoo · 24/05/2023 22:58

Personally I think it is very strange not to know this. It shows a lack of interest in the other person.

baffledcoconut · 24/05/2023 23:01

I’ve been with my husband for nearly 20
years and although I know the month of their birthdays, I don’t actually know any of the inlaws birthdays. It’s too late to start remembering that stuff now.

wincarwoo · 24/05/2023 23:02

baffledcoconut · 24/05/2023 23:01

I’ve been with my husband for nearly 20
years and although I know the month of their birthdays, I don’t actually know any of the inlaws birthdays. It’s too late to start remembering that stuff now.

That's not quite the same. I don't know my in laws birthdays either. I do know my husband's middle name

LadyJ2023 · 24/05/2023 23:06

Well I aint old and my memory is rubbish when it comes to our kids birthdays etc so remembering hubby's middle names is the least of my worries lol