To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

StoptheToryshitshow

”Unless your son struggles as much academically then I don’t have a huge amount of sympathy, sorry. For some kids it’s their only opportunity to shine. FFS them have it!”

How lovely! Your child will be shining twice a week in PE lessons and some kids will struggle academically as well as physically. Some kids will have hidden disabilities such as autism they hide 24/7 in addition to struggling at PE. Aside from that it’s 2023 and no amount of humiliation should be facilitated so your kid can shine. How entitled.

Do secondary schools have compulsory sports days? My children never did, and that was in four different schools.

At senior school, taking part is usually voluntary and tends to be those who are good at sport.

For the life of me I can't see how pulling him out enforces his fear and anxiety. He only has anxiety around competitive sport. He's not gong to be forced into it in adult life unless he chooses an occupation that requires it, which is obviously highly unlikely. If anything will reinforce fear and anxiety, it's forcing a child into the situation he fears and worries about.

That's what I thought. So the reality is that OP is only looking at taking 5 sports days off, and even that is uncertain.

Surely your daughter is top of the class in every PE and games session, and in after school and out of school clubs etc?

I used to dread sports day every year. The panic would start to kick in as soon as it was mentioned. I was crap at sports and found the whole experience humiliating. I remember feeling so nervous and upset. I generally used to pull a sickie.
If he’s really that worried I’d let him have the day off and do something nice. I really feel for him because I remember all too well the pre sports day dread

This

I'd keep him off.

Dds school used to do a brilliant sports day in teams and this near there was still a competitive element but no one felt bad if they struggled. After Covid they started the "traditional" sports day race and dd hates it.

There are better ways to encourage children into sport!

I have bitter memories of having to sit for hours in blazing sun for the sake of two minutes watching my child come last in the race he'd been forced to enter. In later years the school switched to fun activities that children participated in in groups all afternoon, and they were so much better.

I dont think it sends a good message, if you don't want to do something, skive.

My children are also last ones in sports days but they know sports is low down on our priority list. Maybe say the best thing is resilience and have a treat after the event or go somewhere fun to reward his resilience.

My foster son was beside himself at the thought of sports day when he was younger. He said that he always comes in last and gets "the sympathy clap".

That was true and humiliating for him. He was going through a particularly difficult time anyway.

I spoke to my social worker who said it was not fair to force him to do it and to kick him when he is down.

I therefore told school he wouldn't be taking part in any of the races etc. Therefore I could keep him home or he could be a helper on the day.

They agreed he could be a helper. He wore his PE kit and sat with the other kids, but when they went off to race, he'd be helping set up etc.

Nobody really noticed he wasn't involved in the races and he was happy and felt important. It worked well.

However, at one point I saw a teacher almost trying to force him to take part, and I could see my boy starting to get upset, so I went to nip that conversation in the bud!

It was probably easier for me as I had social workers backing my decisions at school.

I would add that he's now doing GCSE PE and is SO sporty!!!

The poor readers and mathematicians are not made to stand up and read in front of everyone's parents. It's only sports day, not all school sport OP is suggesting her son doesn't do

@jimdandytotherescue That’s lovely to read that he’s sporty now and has chosen to do PE at GCSE. Sometimes kids need to know you have their back.

Do you really think attending sports day makes that much of an impact on someone's life?! One of the posts here said they'd been kept of sports day - maybe she could let is know if she's a functioning adult with some resilience and able to take on challenges despite having not attended sports day?!

I was dreadful at sports. Truely terrible, particularly at running and came last all the time. Also picked last for games unless the teacher did it or a friend was picking.

I can't say I'm scarred by it to be honest. I laugh about it.

But one year, I was also in the egg and spoon race and my Dad had told me to focus on the egg and spoon and not on my feet or trying to run. So I slowly weaved like a drunk up the field lol not dropping it once and won! Slow and steady did win the race because all the other kids were rushing and dropping their egg every few seconds.

And I got a massive cheer and clap and hearing people (my family, some teachers and friends parents lol) shouting my name and encouragement as I approached the finish line was a great experience.

The only time in my life that has happened as I was very academic and people don't shout 'Come on! You're doing it!' in exams. It is such a fond memory. I don't care if I got such a big cheer because I'd come last in everything else, it was for me being a winner and I loved it!

If it will really be miserable for your DS, pull him out. But see if there's something he might do well in before you do so.

Spot on. I posted above that I deliberately kept my kids off sports day because it was an ordeal for all of us. Both of them are functioning adults who are well rounded, and happy as well as sporty and fit, so they are doing OK. Both have built resilience taking part in a sport OF THEIR choosing outside of school, which they enjoyed, and at which they sometimes bombed out at competitive events, and sometimes triumphed. Sports day is not the only opportunity for kids to learn life lessons, and neither is it a particularly good one.... I'm standing in defence of boycotting sports day if you need to either for your own or your kids wellbeing, despite the fact that I run a sports club, and have been very involved in contributions to my kids chosen sport at a national level.

It is important that children (and adults) get exercise. Putting them through the gung-ho misery of sports day is guaranteed to put them off. This has serious long term health implications. Sport = misery is not a great way to encourage exercise.

I took my son out of every Primary sports day after the first two - and I'd have done the same if he'd wanted to in Secondary.

What the fuck difference does it make? Except meaning he didn't have to be worried, upset, and put off sport. And oh look at him - doing a Masters in September that he is completely funding himself due to working so hard for very long hours this year.

Not a failure at life at all. And he also has empathy - something very lacking for children on this thread from some posters.

Sorry, not read whole thread but here's my opinion based on the first post:
Don't withdraw him - kids need to experience mildly difficult things to become resilient adults (not comparing coming last in a race to being bullied or worse, just to be clear). I was also the unsporty one who always came last and sports day is not a fond memory of mine, but life isn't always full of good stuff and you can't just run away when things get tough.

My DC's school runs sports day like a sports festival where all the classes do a circuit of all the activities and points are gained by house - there are no individual winners. Therefore it becomes about celebrating being active, trying new things, trying your best, cheering on team mates, being a good sport and a little bit of rivalry between houses to keep the sense of competition. Perfect. You could suggest this to your school maybe?

@Muminthebluecoat 'Point is pulling him out just enforces his fear and anxiety. Most kids sports days are pretty relaxed at that age. Mime are 10 and 6 and I've never seen any parent care about anything but supporting their child and children just cheer their friends regardless.'

Absolutely not true. After my ds was reduced to a state of utter misery & distress by a run of awful primary school sports days, I moved him to a decent school where they recognised his confidence had been shredded by this sort of nonsense.

They've done a great job, quietly undoing the damage so that now, at 14, he happily takes part in sports days without a murmur.

I am a calm peaceable person normally. The only person I have ever wanted to punch is the primary school head teacher who clearly got her kicks out of bullying & belittling 10yos.

I totally agree, I am not sending my daughter in that day, it's always the same kids who are involved in it and being picked. I elect to do something positive and life enhancing with her that day. Life can be rubbish enough without that 💕

Sorry just to add - what I mean is there are different approaches and though it's understandable that the old fashioned model of endless individual races can be humiliating, I think withdrawing him isn't the solution. Find a way to help him through it and also talk to the school about a different model for future years. There will likely be other parents who feel the same.

God how I hate the word "resilience" - it is the latest buzz word and an excuse for anything utterly miserable that is thrown at children.

He was humiliated in front of the whole school? - that's just fine, he is developing resilience. He was asked to stand up in front of everyone and play the piano when he has never had a lesson? - that's just fine, he is developing resilience.

Sigh.

Exactly this. I might not hate exercise with such a passion now if I hadn’t had such horrible experiences of sports days as a child!