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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday and friends

125 replies

TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 22:44

Long story short, this time last year we booked to go away for our wedding anniversary this summer

Today (8 weeks before the trip and completely out of the blue) friends ask would we mind some company.

I'm busy at work so text back saying it's a special trip, it's our wedding anniversary trip but we'll catch up later

By the time we get home from work they have booked to come to the same place, same dates.

They have said "let us know if you want some time to yourselves" but how do we deal with the fact this just isn't what we had in mind for our holiday without ruining a friendship but also without ruining the holiday.

It's too late for either of us to change the booking as balance paid in full and too close to make changes to booking

YABU - just suck it up and have fun with your friends

YANBU - yeah that sucks, I'd not be impressed in your position

OP posts:
eish · 22/05/2023 22:46

Your friends are weird. No way the hotel has a sister hotel they could relocate you to?

StonwEd · 22/05/2023 22:46

That’s so weird 😭
how close are you? like who does that?! I’ve got friends I’d LOVE to go on holiday with but we’d always arrange it first, this is just bat shit really.
sorry that’s no advice, what do You think you’ll do? I guess there’s not much you can do??

Original poster
TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 22:49

We are pretty close, we've been away together before (to this hotel) but this was discussed and planned for months in advance, and long before booking

That's the thing, I'm not sure what we can do - it'll be weird trying to avoid them, but I'll resent it if we don't. I feel like a terrible person either way

I don't deal with change to plans well at any time but this has really blindsided me

OP posts:
MsWhitworth · 22/05/2023 22:51

*YABU - just suck it up and have fun with your friends

YANBU - yeah that sucks, I'd not be impressed in your position*

I suppose the answer is both of these because you can’t do anything about it now.

PenguinLove1 · 22/05/2023 22:52

I would tell them, you really planned a romantic couples trip so wont be able to meet up. Spend the next 8 weeks researching nice restaurants, spas and trips and make bookings so you already have plans for just you two

Daffodil92 · 22/05/2023 22:52

I would have an honest chat with your friend. She has totally overstepped boundaries here. Tell her you’re really disappointed-you love spending time with her but wanted some alone time celebrating your anniversary. Make it clear you won’t be “asking” for time alone- the whole trip will be time alone.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 22/05/2023 22:55

Have you been to their home? Lots of pineapples and pampas grass?

Soproudoflionesses · 22/05/2023 22:55

Omg l would hate this - how thick skinned is your friend?!

Withnailandeye · 22/05/2023 22:55

Surely no close friend who knows you well would do this, my close friends would all know I would hate this, how could she not?

Id absolutely fuck them off during the holiday and possibly the friendship in general, you can’t be that close for that sort of an error of judgement on her part.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 22/05/2023 22:56

What a weird thing of your friend to do. Tell her you have lots of romantic couple things planned and say you may be able to meet up one night for a dinner (if you're feeling generous).

BMW6 · 22/05/2023 22:59

I'd ring them and say WTF are you playing at!
Then tell them you are not available to meet up at any point - fucking weird frankly!

WandaWonder · 22/05/2023 23:05

TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 22:49

We are pretty close, we've been away together before (to this hotel) but this was discussed and planned for months in advance, and long before booking

That's the thing, I'm not sure what we can do - it'll be weird trying to avoid them, but I'll resent it if we don't. I feel like a terrible person either way

I don't deal with change to plans well at any time but this has really blindsided me

I am usually go with the flow but I totally agree with you, I could not think of anything worse (well I could but I mean in a travel way)

I would have a basic itinerary planned keep in quiet and do that

OrigamiOwls · 22/05/2023 23:06

I'm absolutely aghast your friends would think this is acceptable.

BallandBoe · 22/05/2023 23:08

Wow. Totally out of order!

UsingChangeofName · 22/05/2023 23:09

I'm inclined to agree with @MsWhitworth

You "friends" have been completely unreasonable here.
There are times to holiday with friends, but no normal person books a holiday with other people without sitting down to plan it first.
The fact you have already booked it as a break for you as a couple, and then reminded them of that when they asked makes it even odder they have done this.

What you (and your dh) have to do is decide if you make the most of this, and turn it into a holiday spent with friends (maybe doing a separate short break just the 2 of you later, as well), or whether you want to confront them, and ask them why they have chosen to intrude like that? I mean, that would be more satisfying short term, but the friendship isn't likely to recover.

WandaWonder · 22/05/2023 23:11

Deciding to all go away together is fine but yeah this is wrong

OliveWah · 22/05/2023 23:11

I think I'd text back "I assume you're joking - no one would seriously just invite themselves to join a romantic holiday for 2?! On the off chance you actually are serious (in which case what the actual fuck?), are you trying to ruin this for us?"

DollyParkin · 22/05/2023 23:12

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 22/05/2023 22:55

Have you been to their home? Lots of pineapples and pampas grass?

😎😎😂

EmptyBedBlues · 22/05/2023 23:14

What exactly did you say to the friend in your reply? What you say you said sounds slightly vague rather than a flat no. I mean, I originally misread your thread and thought they were joining you on your honeymoon, but surely your friend didn’t ignore a clear ‘No, we don’t want you to come’ and book anyway?

jay55 · 22/05/2023 23:16

Ask them flat out why they are gatecrashing your anniversary.

SW2002 · 22/05/2023 23:38

I'd sit them down and say, yes we want some alone time, like the whole holiday! It's our anniversary, what on earth gave you the idea that we might like company, especially after I expressly told you that and said we'd catch up later.?

Perhaps a better reply would have been more along the lines of 'no, it's our anniversary and we want to be alone.'

Original poster
TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:38

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 22/05/2023 22:55

Have you been to their home? Lots of pineapples and pampas grass?

Haha not like that at all!

OP posts:
Original poster
TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:40

UsingChangeofName · 22/05/2023 23:09

I'm inclined to agree with @MsWhitworth

You "friends" have been completely unreasonable here.
There are times to holiday with friends, but no normal person books a holiday with other people without sitting down to plan it first.
The fact you have already booked it as a break for you as a couple, and then reminded them of that when they asked makes it even odder they have done this.

What you (and your dh) have to do is decide if you make the most of this, and turn it into a holiday spent with friends (maybe doing a separate short break just the 2 of you later, as well), or whether you want to confront them, and ask them why they have chosen to intrude like that? I mean, that would be more satisfying short term, but the friendship isn't likely to recover.

The issue is we can't afford to do another break, hence why this has bothered me so much..we are moving house soon and so every other penny is going towards that

OP posts:
Original poster
TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:42

PenguinLove1 · 22/05/2023 22:52

I would tell them, you really planned a romantic couples trip so wont be able to meet up. Spend the next 8 weeks researching nice restaurants, spas and trips and make bookings so you already have plans for just you two

Unfortunately its not that sort of holiday, it's an all inclusive "village" feel, where, due to the destination, everything is "on site" it's not the sort of place you leave except for organised tours which are very expensive, and things we have done before. We booked because there was no need to do, go, or plan anything, just us, a beach, a book and some good food and drink

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 22/05/2023 23:42

Any way to move the holiday by a week? I would hate this, they have been absolutely unreasonable.