Page 2 | Holiday and friends

TroubleIn9aradise · 2023-05-22T21:44:05+00:00

Long story short, this time last year we booked to go away for our wedding anniversary this summer Today (8 weeks before the trip and completely out of the blue) friends ask would we mind some company. I'm busy at work so text back saying it's a special trip, it's our wedding anniversary trip but we'll catch up later By the time we get home from work they have booked to come to the same place, same dates. They have said "let us know if you want some time to yourselves" but how do we deal with the fact this just isn't what we had in mind for our holiday without ruining a friendship but also without ruining the holiday. It's too late for either of us to change the booking as balance paid in full and too close to make changes to booking YABU - just suck it up and have fun with your friends YANBU - yeah that sucks, I'd not be impressed in your position

Original poster

TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:43

Daffodil92 · 22/05/2023 22:52

I would have an honest chat with your friend. She has totally overstepped boundaries here. Tell her you’re really disappointed-you love spending time with her but wanted some alone time celebrating your anniversary. Make it clear you won’t be “asking” for time alone- the whole trip will be time alone.

This is what I'm worried about. They've booked it thinking it will be lovely to spend time together - just how do I tell them I want the exact opposite

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Original poster

TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:44

Withnailandeye · 22/05/2023 22:55

Surely no close friend who knows you well would do this, my close friends would all know I would hate this, how could she not?

Id absolutely fuck them off during the holiday and possibly the friendship in general, you can’t be that close for that sort of an error of judgement on her part.

It's actually her partner that booked it, she wasn't aware until it was booked either.

And that's what I'm worried about, that our friendship won't get past this

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echt · 22/05/2023 23:44

Just text them back: Thanks for getting in touch. We booked the holiday to have a romantic time just for the two of us, so won't be meeting up with anyone.

Mumof1andacat · 22/05/2023 23:48

Just say as I said it's a special trip for our anniversary and best we catch up another time so because of this we won't be looking to meet up with you. Unsure why you booked this exact time away at the same place when I said we'll make it another time

CoronationKicking · 22/05/2023 23:49

I'm imagining something like Cape Verde where everything is on site in the hotel. It'll be really awkward avoiding them in the evenings. If you want to go and have a drink in the bar and your mates come in are you meant to just smile and then sit with the tension as they take another table?

I'd have to tell them. I'd also bet money that she did know he was booking it.

Original poster

TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:49

EmptyBedBlues · 22/05/2023 23:14

What exactly did you say to the friend in your reply? What you say you said sounds slightly vague rather than a flat no. I mean, I originally misread your thread and thought they were joining you on your honeymoon, but surely your friend didn’t ignore a clear ‘No, we don’t want you to come’ and book anyway?

Maybe my reply wasn't clear enough but it was the middle of the morning, and I was busy at work. they'd initially messaged saying was I free for a chat and I said I'm in meetings all day so when they asked I replied saying that it WAS a special trip as it's our wedding anniversary and we'd call them later (to discuss)
I didn't immediately respond with a "don't be so ridiculous of course you can't bloody come" because 1) if we'd discussed it, a couple of days overlap would have been nice and 2) I took it at face value that it was something they were "considering", I didn't expect within a few hours it would be booked and paid for, which is what they then did

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Original poster

TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:52

SW2002 · 22/05/2023 23:38

I'd sit them down and say, yes we want some alone time, like the whole holiday! It's our anniversary, what on earth gave you the idea that we might like company, especially after I expressly told you that and said we'd catch up later.?

Perhaps a better reply would have been more along the lines of 'no, it's our anniversary and we want to be alone.'

Oh how I wish I'd replied like that now, but as I mentioned replying to a PP I was manic at work and just wanted to get a reply sent - I thought most people wouldn't need it spelling out to them that an anniversary holiday was a special trip for 2 people to spend together 🙄

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Original poster

TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:54

Stompythedinosaur · 22/05/2023 23:42

Any way to move the holiday by a week? I would hate this, they have been absolutely unreasonable.

We can't as have to request leave months in advance - presumably they can't either as usually non refundable when less than 12 weeks to departure

This is what's so frustrating, if they'd actually had a conversation with us we wouldn't have minded and maybe agreed an overlap but as it is they asked..... Then booked anyway

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roses2 · 22/05/2023 23:55

If your friends other half booked it without her knowing then I wouldn't be hard on her as its not her fault.

Just avoid as much as possible and be busy when you're there.

JandalsAlways · 22/05/2023 23:57

Very weird and extremely intrusive given you said it was a special holiday. I'd actually make most plans without them, maybe catch up for the occasional lunch or dinner. I'd actually be quite pissed off, and your poor DH!

Original poster

TroubleIn9aradise · 22/05/2023 23:57

CoronationKicking · 22/05/2023 23:49

I'm imagining something like Cape Verde where everything is on site in the hotel. It'll be really awkward avoiding them in the evenings. If you want to go and have a drink in the bar and your mates come in are you meant to just smile and then sit with the tension as they take another table?

I'd have to tell them. I'd also bet money that she did know he was booking it.

Pretty much spot on, that's exactly the sort of set up, so it's not like we might not see each other, we'd have to actively avoid each other.

What makes it worse is because we are all regulars at the hotel even if we aren't together once friends their know we are all there we will be asked why not

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Ihatepickingausername3 · 23/05/2023 00:06

Tell them they are gate crashing and it’s not appreciated on this occasion! They are being unreasonable.

musicforthesoul · 23/05/2023 00:07

I'd be annoyed as hell and i'm pretty sure i'd make a comment about it being a romantic trip so you're planning lots of alone time but with that kind of setup I'm not sure there's much you can do now other than turn it into a semi friends holiday, at least for the evenings. Not without completely blowing the friendship apart (which i assume you don't want to do).

I can't see a way of avoiding them if you're in the same bar at night without that being really awkward.

Orders76 · 23/05/2023 00:18

As another poster said, is there a sister hotel or a villa?
Failing that, do you have hol insurance or flexi cancellation/ move?

I would move heaven and earth to take our week together at home or somewhere else cheap, and take the moved week another time.
It's beyond shitty of them, but it sounds like they wanted this location and this week there, so didn't care about you....let them have it and celebrate your anniversary anyway.

LacewingOrpington · 23/05/2023 00:21

EmptyBedBlues · 22/05/2023 23:14

What exactly did you say to the friend in your reply? What you say you said sounds slightly vague rather than a flat no. I mean, I originally misread your thread and thought they were joining you on your honeymoon, but surely your friend didn’t ignore a clear ‘No, we don’t want you to come’ and book anyway?

Well my sibling did just that! I was very try clear. We were able to change our holiday location and did!!

saraclara · 23/05/2023 00:30

"As I said when you contacted me at work, this is our wedding anniversary 'couple' holiday. It's really unfortunate that you booked before we had time to discuss your request to come too, because this really isn't going to be a hanging out with friends holiday for us."

Marchintospring · 23/05/2023 06:01

Meh. You are celebrating your wedding anniversary at the hotel you always go to with these friends. Maybe if you chose somewhere special they would have got the idea you want to be alone. Wedding anniversary’s aren’t considered that sacred by those outside of the relationship and it’s only a day.

Having said that if you want a private holiday I think you need to be really honest but light . Say something like
Well this could be awkward! Nick and I wanted a holiday for ourselves as it’s our anniversary. Are you going to be able to ignore us for a week please! Don’t be offended.Sorry, I did try and tell you.

choppolata · 23/05/2023 06:39

Hire a 2 seater car and drive off into the sunset?

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/05/2023 06:40

I would be so upset. Why would anyone do that?

Eddielizzard · 23/05/2023 07:04

Can you say 'hey friend, I know we've been to this hotel together before which is why Nick thought it would be nice for you guys to join us, but this time we were looking forward to celebrating our anniversary alone for a romantic getaway. Any chance you can change your dates? We can think about booking another holiday altogether soon.' Her BF was doing something nice before he knew about your plans, so he might be mortified too?

Soonthen · 23/05/2023 07:05

They’ve given you an out by saying ‘let us know if you want time to yourselves’

you can say you’re planning dinners for two but can maybe spend a day or maybe two together.

WonderingWanda · 23/05/2023 07:23

It is quite odd and rude of them to have just booked it but at the same time if they had an amazing time with you both on the last trip they obviously think it's going to be great this time. Did you enjoy it when you all went before?

Is it your first anniversary? There will always be other anniversaries and you can still have a lovely time. Seeing as you are all going and there's no time to rebook anything I wouldn't make a big deal of it now. If you all have a falling out it will sour the holiday experience for you. I think that you could do lots of ordering breakfast in bed, often hotels like this do a romantic meal on the beach type experience you can pay for. It won't be what tyou hoped for but the lesson to learn here is not to tell your friend all the details of your trips.

Original poster

TroubleIn9aradise · 23/05/2023 07:26

Marchintospring · 23/05/2023 06:01

Meh. You are celebrating your wedding anniversary at the hotel you always go to with these friends. Maybe if you chose somewhere special they would have got the idea you want to be alone. Wedding anniversary’s aren’t considered that sacred by those outside of the relationship and it’s only a day.

Having said that if you want a private holiday I think you need to be really honest but light . Say something like
Well this could be awkward! Nick and I wanted a holiday for ourselves as it’s our anniversary. Are you going to be able to ignore us for a week please! Don’t be offended.Sorry, I did try and tell you.

We've only been to this hotel with them once before, we met them there one holiday, arranged one a few years later, then have each been there on our own (between travelling to other places)

True, I get that wedding anniversarys aren't a "thing" to other people, but they did ask if it was a special occasion, and they know we go away every year for our anniversary, just the two of us

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RoseGoldEagle · 23/05/2023 07:26

Does your friend have form for this kind of behaviour OP? Way I see it she’s one of two types: either a bit oblivious to social norms and might genuinely not see an issue with this. Or a CF who doesn’t care as long as things suit her. If you think the former, I’d message kindly to say ‘Hi Friend. DH and I haven’t seen much of each other lately and we planned this trip to spend time with each other. We love spending time with you both, but this holiday wasn’t meant to be about that! Is there any way you can change the dates? Really don’t want to make things awkward, but want to be honest with you. Wish you’d spoken to us before booking!!’

If she’s the second type, I’d not be so polite!

I think you have to say something or you’re going to just seethe with resentment about it otherwise. It’s them that are massively in the wrong here, so don’t tie yourself in knots worrying about offending them- they haven’t shown you or DH that courtesy!

SquishyGloopyBum · 23/05/2023 07:29

RoseGoldEagle · 23/05/2023 07:26

Does your friend have form for this kind of behaviour OP? Way I see it she’s one of two types: either a bit oblivious to social norms and might genuinely not see an issue with this. Or a CF who doesn’t care as long as things suit her. If you think the former, I’d message kindly to say ‘Hi Friend. DH and I haven’t seen much of each other lately and we planned this trip to spend time with each other. We love spending time with you both, but this holiday wasn’t meant to be about that! Is there any way you can change the dates? Really don’t want to make things awkward, but want to be honest with you. Wish you’d spoken to us before booking!!’

If she’s the second type, I’d not be so polite!

I think you have to say something or you’re going to just seethe with resentment about it otherwise. It’s them that are massively in the wrong here, so don’t tie yourself in knots worrying about offending them- they haven’t shown you or DH that courtesy!

This is a good response. You need to address this op. It's bizarre!