Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a more substantial present from my parents for my newborn?

111 replies

Izzy222 · 19/02/2008 17:45

I'm eight months pregnant. My mother and her partner have recently retired, but have sold a large house and I know they're not short of money - though they like to say they are. While my husband's parents have bought us a £500 pram, and other members of his family are buying us presents such as a car seat, all my mum has said is that she'd like to buy us a shawl (though this hasn't materialised yet, and the birth is fairly imminent). It really isn't that I can't afford things like a cot myself, but I'm feeling a bit upset that my parents haven't thought to buy us something more substantial - especially as they don't have any other grandchildren. Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/02/2008 17:47

Yes. The dont have to get you anything.

wildwoman · 19/02/2008 17:48

You sound a little materialistic tbh

wannaBe · 19/02/2008 17:48

yabu. How much money they have should have no bearing on what they spend on your child. presumably they will buy him/her toys/presents in the future and in all reality if they're buying a cot/pram etc they're buying it for you as your newborn won't know or care where it's come from.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 19/02/2008 17:49

Best not to expect anything, please don't compare the monetary value of gifts from the different parts of your family, that's a quick way to resentment and arguments.

Their money might be tied up, and thus not available to them.

Just enjoy these last few weeks of your pregnancy.

RubySlippers · 19/02/2008 17:49

maybe they think you have bought everything?

maybe they don't want to buy something big in case it isn't to your taste

just because they haven't bought you a big present doesn't mean they aren't hugely delighted and excited BTW - don't confuse lavish gifts with love

princessosyth · 19/02/2008 17:49

I don't think you should expect a present from anyone. It may be that your mum will buy things for you when you need them. My IL's bought our pram which was very generous of them and they could afford it. My mum didn't buy a big expensive present but even though ds is now 3.6 she gives me a huge bag of clothes for him each time I see her, I certainly don't expect anything from her though.

cazboldy · 19/02/2008 17:49

gifts should be surprises - you shouldn't expect them!

we were the other way round - my parents have bought lovely things for each of my 5 children, while dh's parents don't usually even bother with a card.

btw maybe they have a surprise for you - the baby isn't here yet

JodieG1 · 19/02/2008 17:49

A £500 pram

They don't have to buy you anything and you really don't know their finances.

FrannyandZooey · 19/02/2008 17:50

YABU sorry
I do know what you mean though, my parents are similar - although very generous at other times, have never gone overboard buying things for ds, preferring to buy one small thing usually, and I have felt upset at times about it. The thing to realise is, the amount of money spent does NOT equal the amount of esteem they have for you, or the new baby. A shawl is a thoughtful and special gift that can be passed down through the family - try not to let misguided sensitivity spoil this nice gesture from them.

sagacious · 19/02/2008 17:50

YABU but its probably the pesky hormones..
I got a blanket and a toy dog from my parents, and was very gratefull to receive them.

Minkus · 19/02/2008 17:51

Think YAB a little U. What if the shawl turns out to be a beautiful heirloom or your mum knits one herself? That would be soo lovely. Even if it is "just" a shop bought one I don't thik you should be expecting expensive presents. Its plain greedy.

lennygrrl · 19/02/2008 17:51

Message withdrawn

girlfrommars · 19/02/2008 17:51

Is it the lack of a present or do you feel that they aren't interested/excited enough?

expatinscotland · 19/02/2008 17:51

YABU.

What VVV said sums it up for me.

WingsofanAngel · 19/02/2008 17:53

Money = Love I think not.

Don't judge them for how much they do or don't spend.

YABU

Lazylou · 19/02/2008 17:53

I think you are being a tad unreasonable in expecting something more substantial from your parents, but I can also understand why you would feel as you do. I was lucky in that MIL bought the cot and mattress for DD and my parents bought her buggy. We are using it all again this time round so have been fortunate again.

Saying that though, DH and I were not in a financial position to buy any of the big stuff when DD came along and our families were fantastic. I was laid off of work quite early on in my pg so their help was most welcome.

Different families deal with the arrival of a new baby to their family in different ways. Is there a specific reason why your Mum would like to buy a shawl for your little one? Some parents like to buy things that have sentimental value to them if that makes sense. Maybe a shawl is representative of something special to your mum?

At the end of the day, being a grandparent is largely different from being a parent in that they do not have the same responsibilities as they had when they had their children, so they may tend to see things differently.

I think you are actually very fortunate in that other family members are buying you gifts such as a car seat. To us, these were things that we would be expected to get ourselves. Gifts from relatives such as clothes and blankets for example were greatly appreciated though.

ComeOVeneer · 19/02/2008 17:53

I doubt you will get anything other than YABU responses I'm afraid. They probably realise that you have bought/recieved all the mundane necessarys and perhaps wish to give you a beautiful keepsake rather than a dull necessity? Either way expecting presents suggests greed I'm afraid. Just because someone has money doesn't mean they have to spend heavily on gifts to others.

Minkus · 19/02/2008 17:53

think there's an overriding consensus of opinion here...

Original poster
Izzy222 · 19/02/2008 17:53

rubyslippers, you have hit the nail on head - i think i just want them to show a bit more excitement and because they don't live in this country i don't see them that often, so i probably can't gauge how excited they are. I'm probably mistaken to measure this by what they buy the baby...thanks for bringing me back to my senses!

OP posts:
pointydog · 19/02/2008 17:54

I find the op bizarre.

I got some knitted clothes from my mum and would never have expected anything more.

TheFallenMadonna · 19/02/2008 17:54

I think a shawl is a lovely gift for a new baby.

wannaBe · 19/02/2008 17:55

I've only actually just realized actually that my ILs didn't buy a huge present for ds - yes they bought him some little things but not a huge present. My mum bought my moses basket and bouncy chair, my sister bought one of those baby boxes and filled it up with various things so that I would have them all to hand in one place, mil bought a toy catterpillar thing and some kind of musical toy (I really don't remember) but tbh it would never have even occurred to me to think that people would be buying expensive presents for the baby - why should they?

TheFallenMadonna · 19/02/2008 17:56

DO you think it's because a shawl is something they can choose themelves and post - rather than giving you the money for a cot for example?

BirdyArms · 19/02/2008 17:56

YABU I have a similar situation - dh's parents who are not particularly well off are extremely generous and my mum who is has plenty of money is not particularly. But like you I don't need any financial help.

I feel bad that dh's parents are so generous to the dc when they can ill afford it. Also my dc get ridiculous amounts of stuff for birthday and Christmas and I am very happy that my mum tends to buy an item of clothing rather than turning up with piles of stuff that we don't need.

bubblagirl · 19/02/2008 17:57

i think you abu as i would never have expected offers like that from anybody and was grateful for anything recieved it should not be about how much money they spend or have

you shouldnt be thinking materialistically as they will love there grandchild but no amount of money will show that love is far greater than any gift

why would you feel you expect more

my dp parents bought our cot my parents bought lots of things throughout never expected them too

be grateful for any gift as i recieved a shawl and gifts like this are keepsake you dont keep the pram or the cot as a rememberance but will always keep my ds shawl maybe your mum was thinking more sentimentally as a good quality shawl to bring baby home in is great

and you can store it away nicely so in yrs to come you still have the first shawl that he come home in that to me is worth more than any amount of money

Swipe left for the next trending thread