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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a more substantial present from my parents for my newborn?

111 replies

Izzy222 · 19/02/2008 17:45

I'm eight months pregnant. My mother and her partner have recently retired, but have sold a large house and I know they're not short of money - though they like to say they are. While my husband's parents have bought us a £500 pram, and other members of his family are buying us presents such as a car seat, all my mum has said is that she'd like to buy us a shawl (though this hasn't materialised yet, and the birth is fairly imminent). It really isn't that I can't afford things like a cot myself, but I'm feeling a bit upset that my parents haven't thought to buy us something more substantial - especially as they don't have any other grandchildren. Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

vitomum · 21/02/2008 14:40

you said they live overseas. are they maybe getting a shawl because it is something that canbe easily posted?

Original poster

Izzy222 · 21/02/2008 17:44

What it actually comes down to is that I want my parents to be as excited as my inlaws - and I'm also a bit embarrassed that my inlaws and the rest of their family have been so generous. It's inevitable that inlaws and parents get compared. But my mum will be here after the birth to help, and I know that is worth more than any material goods. All I really want is a healthy happy baby - I was getting things out of proportion and realise I sounded ungrateful! Thanks all - and scottishmummy, you are totally right about froth and trivia.

OP posts:

Original poster

Izzy222 · 21/02/2008 17:44

OP posts:

Flllightattendant · 21/02/2008 18:02

Only read the op, I think a shawl sounds personal and special. It was what my mum made for each ds. We use them a lot.
It is perhaps more that you are worried your family is not 'paying its way' and your inlaws might be offended?
Your mum being around to help will mean much, much more to you than that pram...trust me

mumofdjandp · 21/02/2008 18:03

Golly when we had kids neither side bought us anything I mean nothing and we were el skinto its only now I realise that in laws and parents sometimes buy the big things ! x

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 21/02/2008 18:06

When I was expeting my first my inlaws said they would like to buy the pram. We had free rein to choose what we wanted and we were very grateful. We invited them to come with us to buy the pram once we had chosen the one we liked.

I was rather surprised to see them the day after DS1 was born bringing another present and they brought something most days they visited while I was in hospital for the 5-6 days we were there. As far as I was concerned the pram was their gift and more than enough, thank you.

Flllightattendant · 21/02/2008 18:23

...just to add, that my parents are not well off, but they did bail me out by offering to pay for the pushchair I'd stupidly overspent on, as a birthday present for me that year.
They have been there though, in every way possible, from the day Ds1 was born and for that I owe them more than I can ever repay.

Littlefish · 21/02/2008 18:31

I know what you mean Izzy222. My ILs live locally and are always incredibly generous both financially and with their time for dd. My parents adore my dd, but just show it very differently. It took me a while to get used to, because I was used to the reactions of my ILs.

mamalocco · 21/02/2008 18:46

She doesn't think she has 'a right to gifts'! Read her subsequent posts.

I remember what I was like when pregnant with my first. I loved looking at and talking baby stuff all day long. My mum was the same and it was great going shopping for prams etc with her. I loved the fact that she was excited as me. Obviously priorities change when the baby arrives but that's not something you can really understand until that actually happens.

So yes my mum bought her granddaughter's first pram but it is the shaw she took 5 months making for her which is the most important material thing I own. I think Izzy222 will be the same when the baby arrives.

Original poster

Izzy222 · 21/02/2008 19:36

No I definitely don't think I have a right to gifts. And as long as my baby is healthy, I would be happy if no-one ever bought us anything. I was measuring my parents excitement wrongly, and when I see them face-to-face and my baby is here, I know I won't give a toss for gifts. And yes, I do worry a bit that my inlaws might think badly of my parents for not matching the kind of thing they're buying (that's terrible I know - I do take it upon myself to worry for other people as well as for me! - who cares what they think). But my parents have never been flash present-givers so I shouldn't have expected anything else! I know they will be there for me when baby is here and that will be fantastic.

OP posts:

FAQ · 21/02/2008 19:41

haven't read the whole thread - but I do wonder which family members will play the biggest roles in your baby's life........will it be the ones who've splashed out on lavish gifts, or the ones that spent a small amount.

IME (from my own family) those that spend money on lavish gifts hardly see/spend time/show any real interest in the DS's. Those that spend the least (or even no money at all) have been the ones that have been around a lot for the DS's and consequently the DS's have formed relationships with those........

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