To expect a more substantial present from my parents for my newborn?

[Izzy222]

I'm eight months pregnant. My mother and her partner have recently retired, but have sold a large house and I know they're not short of money - though they like to say they are. While my husband's parents have bought us a £500 pram, and other members of his family are buying us presents such as a car seat, all my mum has said is that she'd like to buy us a shawl (though this hasn't materialised yet, and the birth is fairly imminent). It really isn't that I can't afford things like a cot myself, but I'm feeling a bit upset that my parents haven't thought to buy us something more substantial - especially as they don't have any other grandchildren. Any thoughts greatly appreciated.

I don't think my mother bought anything

Oh no sorry she did buy the cot

But that was all

I think you are being tired and irrational

Why don't you wait and see?

Message withdrawn

I think its well tight of them!

Especially if not short of money and no other grandkids. Different if got heaps of them.

I bought my sister a pram! She got me a Doomoo seat and loads of clothes etc. First time round she got me a cradle.Im not being materialistic but thats the way we are. Very generous if we can afford it.

My MIL bought our pushchair.

I think you are being perfectly reasonable. ITS not about expecting it. It would just be nice.

A shawl is alovely pressie, but if i could afford more for a family member, then i would.

Yes but I am hoping its your hormones talking & you feel differantly when your baby arrives.enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy.

See what they are like after the baby is born. It may be they don't want to count their chickens, as it were. Also, love is not measured only by the expense of the present.

izzy - congratulations on your pg, hope all goes well. i think by time baby arrives you will feel differently about this present. The things that matter dont come with big price tags or fancy boxes. a cuddle a kind ward, someone watching baby so you can get a much needed rest - these are really the things that matter. when you look back on the transition and changes new mum brings you wont remember or give a hoot who bought what because it wont matter. tbh,it is froth and trivia.commercilaisation of pg and baby makes it seem as if you really need all these consumer durables, but they are not the be all end all.

My parents are very well off people. I said this time for a present i would like a Grobag (£28) and they said that is ok but thats it. It's their money, my baby. I want to do the baby bits myself and think that its up to them what amount they want to spend.

My father bought my 1st born a pair of hideous filly overthenappy style pants.I was a bit taken aback tbh,but it had nothing to do with the cost-just his bloody choice of present!
Your parents don't owe you ANYTHING,you want something buy it yourself!

*frilly

Do you know what, I can't even remember what the IL's and my own parents gave as gifts at the time of the birth of either of our boys. I think there are some coin collections in a drawer somewhere and there were some cheques/cash to open bank accounts with but who gave what is harder to remember 4 years later.

I do however remember vividly the offers of help with meals and taking bubs out in the pram etc.

Worth way more than £500 to me at the time.

The best present my mum gave me was complete interest in everything that dd did (we were real baby bores, well, we still are actually!)

Plus bits of advice and practical help when she came to stay for a few days. Dd is nearly 7 and it's still the same; she's the only person who's almost as interested in the minutiae (sp?) of my dc lives as I am!

priceless things were empathy, support, taking baby out whilst i got a kip. everything else froth

what i mean is a baby cant tell if it is an AudiPram or a SkodaPram, BabyDior or BabyBargains- only parents bother about that stuff . all pressies are nice and gratefully received but not the be all end all

A shawl would possibly have special significance? Something you can keep for your baby to hand down to their children?

I specifically asked for a shawl from my MIL and my mum when I had my first. Worth so much more to me than an expensive buggy (never seen the point of spending so much on a buggy - sorry just my view I am sure it is lovely).

Personally the cost wasn't important but the meaning and thought was iyswim. Maybe your family is the same?

I disagree.

Still think if Izzy's mother can afford it then it would be nice of her to help financially with a big item.

Wouldnt expect if off MIL, but my own mother would have (and did- but she has since died)bought a us big gift. She wanted to help. IT gives pleasure to buy something that will help and most mothers love buying stuff for their daughters babies.

A shawl is a lovely sentimental gift, but i would probably buy that as well. For a close family member (and especially if i had a bit of spare cash) i would always buy a big item they needed.

carmen- if someone can afford an expensive gift and does not offer one would you be annoyed/upset/wonder why? i genuinely think yu miss the point as parents the only people wholly responsible for purchasing necessary items are the parents. You receive gifts gratefully and in the spirit they were offered, but imo it is wrong to expect certain level of expenditure, regardless of income.

No i wouldnt be annoyed if an expensive gift wasnt offered. Well, im talking about my own family now, which is only one sister and i had my mother until she died a few yrs ago.

I would have been very surprised though, had they not bought abig gift(not necessarily an expensive one, just one of the 'main' baby items)becuase i knew what they are/were like and thats the way we are. If they were absolutely skint then thats different. No amount of arguing would have stopped my mother from buying the cot though, even though she didnt have much money.

As for everyone else i know i dont expect anything and in fact, i bought most stuff before people even asked if there was anything we needed cos i believe its our resonsibilty.

The same for work. I didnt expect or care if they had a collection for me, but it was lovely that they did.

The OP was talking about her mother though. And i just cant imagine why a woman with a bit of cah wouldnt want to buy her daughters baby and big gift.

bit of cash i meant!

you don't know, they might surprise you when the baby is born. You also need to think that some people don;t have a tradition of giving large gifts to their grandchildren when bornn, maybe they didn;t get anything when you were bron and it hasn;t occured to them.

I think you probably feel bad becasue you want your paretns to be as involved as your inlaws and thats difficult if they live abroad. Hopefully it will all fall into place in due course.

I think you should just be grateful for any gift you get. You shouldnt expect things from people even if you think they are loaded. Just be happy that you will have a beautiful healthy baby. Youll probably forget all about this once your baby is in your arms. Trust me, you wont be thinking about this when baby is born.

what a very ungratefull spoilt person that post makes you sound, izzy222.

i dearly hope you have simply worded your post badly

I think it's a very weird attitude to think you have a 'right' to gifts. Surely gifts are freely given?
I also agree with the post which said the baby won't know or care whether the pram cost £500.....