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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I pay half the mortgage?

116 replies

2Servings · 22/05/2023 12:00

Me and my OH have split up.
He announced there was no longer any love and refused to talk about it.

After a few weeks of this I said fine I'll leave. I don't want to waste my life with someone who doesn't love me.

I took my children (mine not his) and moved out. He is still there with his 2 adult children. I am sleeping in the living room as couldn't afford anywhere with enough bedrooms. Children have a room each. Age, gender means not appropriate for them to share.

He is expecting me to pay my half of the mortgage. I know its still my responsibility, but I felt he forced us out, upended our lives. I'm now sleeping on a sofa. He is getting what he wants, no change or disruption, still in the nice house etc..

He earns more than me, plus he could ask his adult children to pay some board.

I now have my own rent and new bills to pay.

I don't want to pay my half of the mortgage (until the house sells).

AIBU?

OP posts:

SunnySaturdayMorning · 22/05/2023 12:01

Of course you should still pay your half of the mortgage. It’s still your responsibility.

ReachForTheMars · 22/05/2023 12:02

You need legal advice.

Do you joint own it?

Namenamechangechangechange · 22/05/2023 12:02

Yes. It's a joint liability until you have the financial order in place from the divorce

IrregularChoiceFan · 22/05/2023 12:02

Is the house on the market?

Soontobe60 · 22/05/2023 12:03

Are you married? Whose house is it? (ie is it owned as joint tenants ‘ tenants in common or just in his name?)

HeidiUpTheMountain · 22/05/2023 12:05

You will get your part of the equity back when you sell, so of course you need to keep paying. He gets the benefit of living there in the meantime because you chose to move out - but you get the benefit of not having to be there anymore. This bit will always be messy but the sooner the house is sold, the sooner you can end the association and move on, with some money behind you from the house sale.

RuthW · 22/05/2023 12:05

Yes if you own half the house you have to pay half until it's sold or he buys you out

TomatoSandwiches · 22/05/2023 12:05

Well are you on the mortgage?
Are you married?
I appreciate you are upset but You've left out all the relevant information needed to make a judgement.
If you are on the mortgage then I'd move back in and make a pain in the arse of myself frankly.

CornishGem1975 · 22/05/2023 12:09

If you are on the mortgage, then yes, you are still liable and need to pay your half.

Switchingup · 22/05/2023 12:17

Do you own the house? If so will need to sell and you get your equity share

cadburyegg · 22/05/2023 12:19

You are still liable for the mortgage, this means that if the repayments stopped, the lender would chase both of you, and both your credit ratings would be affected whether you still live there or not.

He can't make you pay, but there is the obvious risk if you don't.

I kicked my ex out 2.5 years ago. He hasn't paid anything towards the mortgage since, he can't afford it as he is renting his own flat out. We are divorcing this year and I am buying him out, the exact amount I will give him will take this into account.

hedgehoglurker · 22/05/2023 12:20

Is there an argument that he could owe you an equivalent amount in rent, for having sole use of the house? Did he want you to leave or expect you to stay?

hedgehoglurker · 22/05/2023 12:22

Can you charge his adult children rent?

CateringPanic · 22/05/2023 12:22

It’s easier said than done but in an ideal world you shouldn’t have moved out.

Yes you are liable for your half of the mortgage. If the mortgage is not paid it will affect both of you

Umbrolly · 22/05/2023 12:25

He is using your half of the house as he has sole use so he pays.

You are both liable to pay so the mortgage company would go after both of you if he doesn't pay.

Are you married? If not and the house is owned as joint tenants, you'd still be entitled to 50% regardless of whether you've paid or not. If married, you need to see a solicitor.

CornishGem1975 · 22/05/2023 12:27

He is using your half of the house as he has sole use so he pays.

That is so incorrect.

billy1966 · 22/05/2023 12:30

You need legal advice asap.

brunettemic · 22/05/2023 12:30

If your name is on the mortgage then legally speaking I don’t think you have a choice. Your best bet is to take some advice as to how you get out of being an owner of the house, sadly I have no idea what the answer to that is.

Iyiyiiii · 22/05/2023 12:34

well technically doesnt ex owe OP rent? Shes not using her half.

I'd move the fuck back in though

Umbrolly · 22/05/2023 12:35

CornishGem1975 · 22/05/2023 12:27

He is using your half of the house as he has sole use so he pays.

That is so incorrect.

Why? Both of them are jointly and severally liable. The mortgage company doesn't care who pays it as long as it gets paid. She's paying rent as he made it untenable to live there so he should pay the mortgage. It can be argued that by paying her half, he doesn't need to pay her rent for residing in the whole house

Vodkaislethal · 22/05/2023 12:36

Umbrolly · 22/05/2023 12:25

He is using your half of the house as he has sole use so he pays.

You are both liable to pay so the mortgage company would go after both of you if he doesn't pay.

Are you married? If not and the house is owned as joint tenants, you'd still be entitled to 50% regardless of whether you've paid or not. If married, you need to see a solicitor.

You can’t just make up rules and post em 😂 there is no such rule.

she is legally liable for her share. End of

wistfullyfocused · 22/05/2023 12:42

Vodkaislethal · 22/05/2023 12:36

You can’t just make up rules and post em 😂 there is no such rule.

she is legally liable for her share. End of

Show quote history

Not quite accurate.

It is common that the resident person pays ALL the mortgage as they have full access. In reality she could charge him rent on her half and he gives it to the mortgage company. However this is usually the outcome of legal advice. OP you need advice.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 22/05/2023 12:42

If your name is on the mortgage, then you are liable for half. You should continue to pay. Just because you moved out, it doesn't mean your responsibility for the mortgage stopped.

Neverinamonthofsundays · 22/05/2023 12:44

Assuming your name is on the mortgage then my advice is that you continue paying. My ex left to move in with his OW and never made any contributions to the mortgage so I paid it all myself. The bottom line is the house is not in my sole name as is the mortgage as I could prove he made no payments towards the house and the judge decided that once I was able to buy him off the mortgage by essentially getting a new one then he could be removed from both mortgage and the deeds.

Original poster

2Servings · 22/05/2023 12:45

Thanks everyone.

I'm not asking if I'm liable or what's legal etc..
. I know I am liable from the mortgage lenders perspective. My name is on the mortgage so we are both responsible for paying it. If one of us is unable to pay our half, the lender doesn't care. They don't care who does or doesnt pay. They just want the full amount.

I can't afford to pay rent, bills, and a mortgage. That's unreasonable.

Whats also unreasonable is for him to expect me to live there after telling me he doesn't love me and refusing to even talk about it. Just stonewalling me. It was not a nice place to live for me or my children.

I've suggested a "we'll buy your house" type sale to get it sold ASAP. Really don't care if we don't get market value.

I also don't really care if we default on the mortgage.

OP posts:

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